How do I stop being unapproachable?

hey, I've really been wanting a boyfriend lately, but I think I'm pretty unapproachable.

I mean, I think I'm a decent enough catch, but I'm that type to be very quiet, sulk in a corner, independent, give death stares (not on purpose), and have a general don't f*** with me attitude.

I don't do this on purpose, just matured and raised this way, I try my best to be open and not reserved, really put myself out there, but I'm having trouble doing so. I wear dark clothes and leather jackets, black jeans, etc etc, I got labeled "wearing outcast" clothing, I wear dresses and heels and put on makeup, and still no responses from the guys when I try. I'm not shy, just don't like opening up.

Maybe a guy is worth it if he approaches me, how ballsy he is, etc. And the others aren't worth it.

But I seriously think my general demeanor is really getting in the way.

People only really know my true self when they get to know me, and that in itself takes time, and I'm sure enough worth getting to know. So what should I do? I'm really desperate to find someone, because I hate this feeling of loneliness.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Depends on the type of guy you're looking for and the type of person you portray yourself to be. For example needy guys generally look for needy girls. Leather clad chucks generally look for leather clad guys. I myself have lived in different types of envirnments so to speak so a girl who wears dark clothes or leather doesn't bother me as much as her attitude. Be honest with yourself as to the type of guy your looking for and don't settle for just who ever decides to pay attention. Most guys these days will do just about anything to get sex, but that's pretty much all they want. Be patient.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Overall to me, approaching a girl is always difficult, but it makes it easier if she talks a loud, moves around a lot, talks, smile, keep wearing dresses and makeup, obviously not too over the top, to be approachable is just having a vibe that if I talk to this girl, I'll have a good time being in her presence, it's all in your body language.

    Also, would it be so bad if you were the one to make the first move ?

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What Girls Said 1

  • Yeah I used to be exactly like this, kind of dark, very intimidating, unintentional glare (I did this when I was nervous) I also didn't do it on purpose. But I started to change because I wanted to and this is where you start.

    I read a lot about body language and behavior, this taught me how I should poise myself in such a way that I looked approachable. I used to be quite reserved, but practice is what enabled me to become more talkative and seemingly happier.

    As long as you dress like an individual with clothes that suit your figure and not a negatively stereotyped cliche , people will appreciate your unique/quirky style. (but this also depends on the kind of guy you want, and the end of the day you should just be yourself).

    If you don't already you should make sure as many people as possible know the real you and can see past the random glares/moodiness. These aren't exactly attractive traits and if this is how everyone sees you, then its no surprise that your getting no dates not matter how pretty you are.

    The more attractive a person is the less approachable they are. Maybe you should start off the conversation instead.

    Also don't be so obviously desperate, it scares guys off.

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