Guys like me only online?

I seem to have a problem. I explain myself to a guy online, and they tell me that they are surprised I'm single, but when I meet a guy in real life, nothing happens.. They don't like me. Or we are only friends.. I don't think I'm ugly, but apparently my fat and my acne are all guys see. I am starting to get sick of this.. Does anyone else have a problem with this? Do I have to change?

Updates:
I'm not shy. At all.
Thank you to all. Your opinions and advice has helped me a great deal. I have a new determination and a new goal. So Thanks! =)

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Reading the comments and the other answers, your mentality is hard to fathom. That you shouldn't change yourself is one of the greatest fallacies parroted by simpletons. Change isn't a negative thing, people ought to strive to improve themselves. Alright, I might not have a particular problem with weight, but I'm deficient in various aspects of my life. I'm self critical, I know I need to improve in certain areas, I know that it is me at fault. I don't expect anyone to change for me. And I also know that if I don't toil, if I don't put the effort in, then I will FAIL in that particular area. And burying your head in the sand isn't an option, if you intend to reach your full potential. The two people finding each other attractive in a relationship is how it should be, it's natural. The quality of being attractive is a way of signalling that you have healthy genes and therefore will have a better chance of reproducing. The world doesn't owe you a thing. If you're deemed unattractive, for whatever reason, and you don't change yourself, there's a huge possibility you will be left on the shelf. And who should care? You fail to acknowledge our fundamental nature at your peril. Feeling sorry for yourself is utterly futile.

    Physical attractiveness is important. I believe the parrots have gotten muddled for the following reason: It's important, but other factors are equally important, such as personality. I don't speak for all men, but being overweight is by far the most off-putting thing in a potential partner. I don't understand too, why you don't want to be healthier for yourself? Being overweight has become the norm in society, but that doesn't make it right.

    Now this may sound harsh, but knowing it and reacting to it in a positive way allows you to become EMPOWERED. And I don't say these things as if I'm perfect either. Believe me, I'm hugely flawed in many important areas of life. Also, you shouldn't take these things to extremes either, as many do when they go on these dangerous diets, or opt for plastic surgery. Your original statement is sort of correct, it just needs a bunch of sub-conditions really. :) The first one, is to change for YOURSELF. The second, change what you can and should change, but do appreciate, that ultimately you should not change to the extent of losing sight of who you are. With regard to physical attractiveness, we each find different things attractive, there isn't a single conception of beauty. So try and adopt a balanced view?

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    • Thank you. I guess I am a little confused. I've always been fat, and have even been teased because of it. I guess I've gotten so confident about the way I look to the outside world. Being fat is all I know, and I've just gotten used to it. But with the changes that have been happening in my life lately, I am starting to look at myself through other people's eyes. I start to wonder if my weight, the thing that I have become so used to, is what is preventing me from being attractive.

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    • And again, the nature of this could be changed depending on how you look at it. Changing to attract guys is a bit, hmm. But changing, because it may be beneficial to your health, to your social life if you join new clubs through it, to your confidence generally, because you are making changes and seeing things through: achieving things. I'm really brain-dead tonight, but you get the idea.

    • Actually, you made the most sense. And I guess I needed to get my emotions out in words even if those words don't make a whole lot of sense. Thanks. I'm at a break in my education right now, and I'm going to take the time to lose weight, and hopefully keep it off. For me, because I need something to do, and it will make me feel better. I remember how good it felt to lose 9lbs in 9 days and I'm going to go farther.

What Guys Said 9

  • The acne is not that bad, it's probably because of your weight.

    There's a word for people who have amazing personalities but are physically unattractive, it's "friend".

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    • That's been me. Always.

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    • I guess not... Maybe I'm hoping for a miracle. That a guy will look past my looks... That really is a miracle..

    • If there's anything I've learned from Scrubs, it must be that "nothing in this world worth having comes easy" ;)

  • I looked at your pictues, especially the one of you in the skirt where I can see all of you. You're NOT fat! You look like you're a big boned girl, but your weight is well proportioned & I think you have a CUTE shape to your figure! In fact, my on/off girlfriend has almost the same size & build & wears outfits very similar to that one (excpet she tucks in her shirts) & I think she's beautiful! (Actually, the more defined waistline from tucking makes her figure look even better, but you need to wear what you like & feel good in) You just need a little self confidence...

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  • Frankly physical attraction is important. You don't have to change unless you want to but if you were in shape it would make things easier. Believe me, I know. I used to weigh 340 and I couldn't get a girl to save my life. If you want some advice, I can help. Even when you do lose weight though its hard to change your self image, I'm still not satisfied with myself.

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    • Ok, to clarify. I honestly think I'm amazing. I'm friendly, supportive, smart to an extent, ambitious, I love cheering people up. I think I'm pretty awesome. But the male population doesn't seem to agree.

    • Even with everything in the world going for you, without attraction they won't give you a chance. Not to sound shallow but that's just the way things are.

  • Dont change for a specific guy then, change for yourself, to make yourself happier. Not to mention, to make yourself healthier. Typically body styles can be indicative of lifestyles. A person who is far more active and thereby probably "fitter" wants the same in their partner. Why would you not "change for a guy?" I would make myself "better" physically for a partner in anyway possible, for them and for me.

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  • What do you mean 'nothing happens?'

    Are you different online? Less shy or anything like that?

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    • No. I'm the most conversational person you will ever meet! I love talking to people. What I mean is that guys just talk to me, but they aren't attracted to me. I am the same online as I am in person. I could have a conversation with some random stranger for an hour and not know their name. I've never met a guy who has been attracted to me...

    • Well, you can't -know- that none have been attracted to you, they just didn't let you know / you didn't notice it. Physical attractiveness is important, but it's not everything. I've lost some weight in the last few years, to make myself look better, it wasn't that hard.

  • Maybe you just open up more online rather than in person? Or maybe you just meet all of the wrong guys in person.

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  • i have similar problem...except its not online... I'm chubby, I used to play sport

    girls all say that I'm cute but they don't talk to me like that...or when I meet new people they say I'm cute and that's it...nothing more

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  • I've only been liked online. I'd say it's your weight. Pretty sure I have the same problem and the fact that I barely talk to girls.

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  • The weight probably has something to do with it, sure. But it might also be a matter of presentation. Take a look at some of the photos you put up on your profile. There's a wide range of looks, there, but none of them except possibly the last one, seems to have you making an effort to look attractive.

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    • Really? Because the first one, I'm in full makeup, second one, I changed the setting and used a different angle to make my acne less apparent. the third picture is from homecoming, and the girl who took it with me changed the picture to make us both prettier. The only one I'm not trying to be attractive in is the second to last one. And the last one, I hardly recognize myself in it.

    • Then maybe you need help in working on your style and presentation? Because those photos are not flattering at all. (The acne you seem to worry about is not really visible in any of them, IMO.)

What Girls Said 3

  • I kind of have the same problem, but in my experience, guys and girls are jealous haters bitters stupid, rude online. But never had this problem in person...people are the best with me in real life. And I don't plan to change because this is how I am. So my advice is don't change, be yourself. Hopefully you'll meet the right person soon.

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    • you can't really compare your situations. Online means nothing but to be rejected to your face hurts. There's nothing wrong with working to improve yourself because it WILL make you a happier person.

  • maybe you might just want to try meeting people the regular way so that they can see you and your personality. good luck

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  • You seem to have a lot of confidence which is a great thing. I think that at your age most guys will not notice you because they will only think with their other head. There are very few who will look past the exterior and focus on the true beauty that you are seeing in yourself right now but you could be waiting for a long time before he comes. In the mean time I would suggest to find your favorite physical features and bring them out as best you can. Fix yourself up and have fun being feminine in your own way.

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    • I agree with you. I have had guy friends say it is all about me being more girlie or talking more about feelings that is not true. A guy sees a girls looks first and will always pick what is the better looking one to him. This is a big reason I never get a guy. I act super girlie when I am attracted to a guy because it just makes me feel sexy and nothing happens.

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