I understand the love and attachment thing. My brother and I simply adore our mom, but this is not the case with my boyfriend.
I think he is OVERDEPENDENT on his mother. She chooses his clothes, the presents he buys for his friend's birthdays, the way he looks. Just everything.
He used to train karate kyokushinkai. He wanted to quit in September 2010, but his mother FORBADE him. He had to wait until January.
I don't know if this is that wrong, but I find it quite disturbing.
Could this mother-dependency affect his attitude to me (being his girlfriend)? What shall I expect from such a guy?
Most Helpful Guy
I think it's a bad thing for him, which then will reflect in a bad thing for you. It is a pretty bad thing in my view because now is the time he needs to detach from mummy, and instead she is smothering him. He is complacent at this moment because he surely gets benefits from it (mostly, he doesn't have to move a finger plus mummy's cozy lap...everyone loves it). I blame a lot the mother for that. Probably because I had the same issue. the more years pass the worse it gets because some things will get so ingrained, when reality hits home it willl be very hard work to accept it and change habits. If you care to try to help him, what you can do is just try to awaken him by letting him be aware. At the moment he may be not realizing what's going on and/or may also be in denial (of reality: mummy won't be there forever, and he needs to learn to stand on his own two feet, sooner better than later). But once he has the open knowledge of the situation, he will have to take action, because if he doesn't, he can't blame the fact that he wasn't aware of it. Suggest him to read books about initiations of boys into adulthood, rites of passages etc, it's a topic which may interest him a lot because I believe all boys want to instinctively become and feel men, these are things which were common practice years ago and are now being re-descovered. A book he could start with is 'No More Mr Nice Guy' (which doesn't mean he will be incouraged to become a SOB, just more assertive and independent). The book of course is not a bible, and he's got to use his head, but it can open a door. Also, I personally took a wilderness survival course and that was really helpful, and I'd really recommend it, because is not about reading or nice talking, is about EXPERIENCING, being in the woods, in a controlled situation, yet you learn on your own skin that nobody can do it for you but you0