My boyfriend is too much of a momma's boy!!!

I understand the love and attachment thing. My brother and I simply adore our mom, but this is not the case with my boyfriend.

I think he is OVERDEPENDENT on his mother. She chooses his clothes, the presents he buys for his friend's birthdays, the way he looks. Just everything.

He used to train karate kyokushinkai. He wanted to quit in September 2010, but his mother FORBADE him. He had to wait until January.

I don't know if this is that wrong, but I find it quite disturbing.

Could this mother-dependency affect his attitude to me (being his girlfriend)? What shall I expect from such a guy?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think it's a bad thing for him, which then will reflect in a bad thing for you. It is a pretty bad thing in my view because now is the time he needs to detach from mummy, and instead she is smothering him. He is complacent at this moment because he surely gets benefits from it (mostly, he doesn't have to move a finger plus mummy's cozy lap...everyone loves it). I blame a lot the mother for that. Probably because I had the same issue. the more years pass the worse it gets because some things will get so ingrained, when reality hits home it willl be very hard work to accept it and change habits. If you care to try to help him, what you can do is just try to awaken him by letting him be aware. At the moment he may be not realizing what's going on and/or may also be in denial (of reality: mummy won't be there forever, and he needs to learn to stand on his own two feet, sooner better than later). But once he has the open knowledge of the situation, he will have to take action, because if he doesn't, he can't blame the fact that he wasn't aware of it. Suggest him to read books about initiations of boys into adulthood, rites of passages etc, it's a topic which may interest him a lot because I believe all boys want to instinctively become and feel men, these are things which were common practice years ago and are now being re-descovered. A book he could start with is 'No More Mr Nice Guy' (which doesn't mean he will be incouraged to become a SOB, just more assertive and independent). The book of course is not a bible, and he's got to use his head, but it can open a door. Also, I personally took a wilderness survival course and that was really helpful, and I'd really recommend it, because is not about reading or nice talking, is about EXPERIENCING, being in the woods, in a controlled situation, yet you learn on your own skin that nobody can do it for you but you

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What Guys Said 5

  • HAHA I used to train kyokushinkai...

    why would he want to quit that's not cool...

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    • Because at the club he visited they only did "katas" and didn't do enough sparring.

      I completely understand him, whatsmore, the conditions there were crap. :(

    • The "katas" are what karate is actually about.

      In fact, it's about the content of the kata. The feeling and emotions behind it, the true meaning...

      I guess he never actually understood them, neither his sensei. Maybe.

    • or perhaps as I felt kata is gay a nd dumb and switched ovr to muy thai something that will help you in the street

  • Just leave him then, and stop complaining

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  • You shall expect the most intrusive interview of your life from his mother

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    • We were at his place when I first met her, and her first words her: "Did he treat you to something to eat? If not, I'll kill him!" (She was joking about the kill thing, but...)

    • Show All
    • No, she was actually very happy to finally meet me. She wanted him to give me something to eat whilst we were THERE, and she brought a whole plate of sliced oranges.

    • She seems nice so what I would do is get her alone and approach the topic of her sons dependency on her cautiously to see how she reacts if she doesn't get mad or gives a reasonable response then I would keep going with it and bring her around to your side of things

  • So judgemental, holy sh*t. He'll have some issues with becoming independent, but I wouldn't immediately jump to conclusions like "he'll be a rapist in the woods" because he leaves some stuff to his mother, while she's still around...

    If he's nice to you, then he possibly will be even later on. I do not see how it would affect you in any way. As I said, the only thing it affects is his own growth in personality, but you're in a relationship now, you're supposed to endure a slight delay.

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  • Haha he's probably still breast fed hahahaha

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What Girls Said 1

  • Lol, that sounds like most Under 18 year old guys I knew/know. Most guys let their mom buy their clothes and do other stuff while they still live under their parent's roof. About the karate thing, a lot of parents forbid their kids to quit such activities in order to teach them not to be quitters, or for some other benefits. If in case we are dealing with a mama's boy then it's no biggie. They are usually great guys that grow up to be total gentlemen. They're typically very respectful and well-mannered. If the mom is nice, responsible, and respectful of the time he spends with you then you should not worry. If he likes you a lot his mother will not influence his attitude towards you, even if you do happen to get on her bad side. Pretty much just stay out of their relationship, or don't claim to know what's best for your boyfriend, and she won't have a problem with you. Once she starts to intrude on your relationship with him, then it's time to worry...and possibly time to run, lol.

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