I've been dating a guy for the past year. The first 9 months were more casual, but the last the months have been committed and serious. I've even moved in with him. Up until now, I've been the oblivious idiot. Now I get these gut feelings that I can't shake, so much so that I've resorted to snooping. I'm not proud of it, but it turns out I was right. While we were casual, he had been dating a girl long distance (she visited him, he visited her- I was lied to at the time), going on dates with a coworker, and formed a flirty relationship with a bartender. I'm fully aware that we were not exclusive, but I'm hurt that he lied to me about all of it when confronted. Eventually, he came clean about the long distance girl, but with partial truth (he doesn't know how much I found out). He is also dishonest (or omitting?) about his relationship with the coworker (and still current friend) and bartender. I'm so hurt that he would continue to lie to me. I can't tell if he's doing it to protect me or if he's really just a scumbag who can't be trusted. I also do know why I feel the need to know everything. While the truth hurts, just know it might help me decide if I can move on, with or without him. Start with a clean slate, I suppose. Any advice about what I should do? Should I trust this guy or believe that his omissions are for the better now that we're in a "loving and committed" relationship? Thank you so much for reading all of this!
Most Helpful Girl
First of all, never apologize for snooping, I hate this stigma that if you snoop, you're doing something wrong and invading. I'm sorry but I always say, if there is nothing to hide there'll be nothing to find. Admittedly you could find something that looks bad but is innocent, but you just ask the person. They might feel like you don't trust them, but if they are honest with you, that trust will begin again, plus, you wouldn't have gone snooping if your instincts weren't there. Now, if I were in your shoes, I would actually confront him about it all, and let him know you know he's lying. If there is an innocent explanation he will come rolling out of it and should understand why you thought something was going on, if he goes on the defensive, personally he knows he's guilty. People who lie, and decieve can be easily caught out. Personally I believe he has decieved you. The one where you were casual, you could put down to the fact that you were in the beginnings and he strayed. However, if you feel that you two are now a couple and all that, then yes I too would feel something was odd. There is such a thing as having your cake and eating it, and he may well love you, but it looks to me like he wants the cherry on the top too. Lay it out and make it clear, and you will get your answer.1