I was in love with my teacher years back. we had an affair after I just graduated but he was really my personal coach.I've always had authority issues. So, he broke my heart. it's a long story. the same month he got his fiance pregnant he left me but I didn't know that then. I figured that out on my own. later I got into opiates to numb the pain because I thought I wanted to be as "icy" as he seemed. Later I did tell him he was the only one in my life I loved. then I became a seasoned professional escort. and he wanted to see me again. I was writing him soul-bearing emails. he seemed to really get into them although he's not the type to soul-bear back. and when he made some sexual passes at me over email by asking all these questions about what makes me hot and bothered. I let him come over. when he did I tried to over-numb myself and instead it backfired because he has an emotional impact on me. and I ended up crying and he ended up coming after a blow job that was the shortest blow job of my life (is that good that he came so quick?) His main goal was to make me come. he didn't but he came really close and considering how many downers were in my body that shouldnt have been possible seeing as nobody has made me come during sex since I've been on the recovery drug which makes it hard to come period. I did mention that in an email but my emails are all so long. Anyway. I haven't cried since at any rate and was more able to forget his visit than before since I had my hustling emotional armor up. I asked him WHY WHY does he keep coming back to me this way. he knows how much it hurts me. and he always makes me come on to him. He acts like he loves me but can't be with the person he loves because he might be rejected. all those years I hated him and thought he was scum. until the last visit when he showed signs he had a conscience. Advice from GUYS? For once I think that I AM the one that needs the chase while he needs to be needed.
You also need to understand I have no problem being alone for the rest of my life. I am manically independent. I've never felt this tenderness from or for anybody else.
Most Helpful Girl
I'm not a guy, but I'd like to answer.
I understand where you're coming from. It seems we fall for the most inappropriate people sometimes. I am the type of girl to date alot, but to not necesssarily fall in love. Except for one guy. He was my icon in the world of love. And he was abusive. I didn't care. I wanted him more than I could stand. He seemed to want me to be clingy. It was something I couldn't understand. He lost all interest in me when I demonstrated independence. He wanted me to chase him ad nauseum. It was getting unbearable. There was even a CERTAIN way he needed to be chased. Now, I am usually the one being chased, so I finally (after a year) said "eff" it and walked away.
Needed to be needed is something that everyone in this world needs, regardless of whether or not they admit to it. Even men. I would just be apprehensive because you said he has (had) a fiance? I saw your profile and you're a beautiful woman.you don't need or deserve that. Or someone who messes with your mind and emotions. But it's hard when you have such a deep devotion to them. Do what you are comfortable doing, and not a bit more or less.1