Looking back and feeling angry that I just lay down and took it?

When my ex broke up with me he said it was because he didn't love me anymore - that I could accept as I'd suspected it for a few months... but then he came out with the following statements:

" if you were really special I'd actually want to spend time with you... and I don't..."

and when I asked how I could have been a better girlfriend he smirked and said

"you could get rid of that red fleece you wear, it makes you look weird, and it looks awful with those skinny jeans you wear"

At the time, I was just so sad that I sort of just took it and put my head down in shame... I even tried to maintain a friendship with him (as he had said we could still be friends, as we are at same uni, same course) but in the 7 months since the break up, he's ignored me, avoided me, is rude to me whenever I try and start a conversation; as well as now blanking my new boyfriend who is supposedly one of his friends.

I've had it with him now, these last few days I've thought back on it and I have been so angry. All I ever did was love that boy, from the day we met, to the day he ended it. I don't feel I deserve any of this. I hate that I have to see him every day and be reminded of it all.

I feel like I should give up, and treat him like he's treating me, but I don't want to bring myself to his level.

Any advice?

Has anyone else had similar experiences?

Am I in the right to feel like this?

thanks x


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What Guys Said 1

  • I agree completely with the first anon answer. Very wise words. I am also in the midst of something very similar. We work together and I have to see and hear her every day.

    She's treated me like sh*t, spread rumors about me, belittles me to my face and behind my back, has tried to turn everyone else here against me, and is now dating another guy on the team flaunting it in front of me.

    Just like you, I had never done anything to hurt her... I only loved her and treated her better than anyone else.

    Your ex is trying to make himself feel better by making you feel worse... I honestly don't know how that works, but I guess it makes sense to them in a messed up way.

    Our exes want to see us miserable. Again, I don't get the 'why' of that... but the best thing we can do is to just show them it doesn't bother us. I take some solace in the fact that I have been happy in my life. I know that I can be happy without having to hurt anyone else.

    Our exes can't. They have this need to dominate and belittle in order to be happy. That's pathetic. I don't say this to feel smug or superior... but there is a part of that realization that helps me move on.

    Don't stoop to his level. Live your life and be happy. I know firsthand the amount of strength required to take this abuse from someone who we once loved... but when you find that strength, you will only make yourself better from it.

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What Girls Said 1

  • wow! sounds familiar. I live with my ex currently and I've done nothing but love him since the day we met and have been there for him when every one else in his life has let him down. and he does the same thing to me, all I ask for is respect and he talks down on me and is nasty with me at times and is just rude and hurtful. he's probably doing this because he doesn't want to feel like it's his fault so he's putting all of it on you as to make you feel like crap and it's clearly working. don't sit there and ask yourself what's wrong with you, ask what's wrong with him that he let you go? my advice is to smile, whenever you see him just smile, do NOT let him know he has an effect on you or gotten the best of you...do not stoop to his level of childish games...and get angry and STOP CARIING! you don't have to bring yourself to his level, be mature and respectful but do not go out of your way to care...

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