Why does he think I'm high maintainence?

I like expensive things (certain brands of shoes, purses, etc.) so, I buy these things for myself. I'm 24 years old and have a nice marketing job. I pay for everything I have. I don't expect my boyfriend to buy these things for me, and I make that clear. I enjoy having the money to by myself things. So why does my boyfriend always act like I'm high maintenance when I don't ask him for anything?

I'm confused. I thought "high maintainence" meant that I demanded all of these things from SOMEONE else, not provided them for myself.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds like he's mistaking high maintainece with "she's doing well and it's hard for me to keep up, therefore I am going to act out and blame it on her (typical guy move)."

    You know, in the end. You want to find someone on your level and if he's intimindated by you. You might want to think about moving on with someone who can handle your success or at least appreciate it. Trust me though, you don't want to teach and certainly not have the monetary gap be too extreme. It usually ends sour.

    That's the long run stuff, in the short run however. guys want to feel manly and that does include taking care of you. Let him buy things for you from time to time and ask him to fix things for you. Guys are natural problem solvers and fixers, it stimulates our brain and makes us have a good sense of self worth. Asking him to do oil changes or fixing whatever will make him feel "needed."

    It's no fun for anyone to feel not needed or obsolete.

    Or send me money so you can't be as independent bringing the two of you into perfect harmony.

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What Guys Said 4

  • A lot of guys (I am not one of these guys) feel a need to act as a provider for a woman, and if you're used to a certain standard of living that is more than what they are capable of contributing to/providing for, it can be very intimidating. While this is not what I would consider to be "high maintenance", it could be his definition of it. My definition of it is more in line with yours.

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  • i think your boy friend may think your high maintenence because you like expensive things.and as the guy he might feel like its his "job" to get you what you want/like.he may think that you want these objects (shoes or purses) then he should provide them for you.i guess it could be a dominance type of thing where he wants to take care of his women.

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  • High maintainence can also mean that you take an awful lot of time and effort to maintain. I'm not saying you do but I know the last girl I was dating was high maintainence as she seemed needy in terms of needing someone to talk to all the time, to cry to, to communicate with, to be with.

    However he could also feel pressured because you like fancy things, and may feel that he is going to have to provide that standard of living for you to stay with him. What type of restaurantes do you go to? Do you get him expensive things? I know from experience even if a girl says she doesn't expect anything like that the guy still wants to provide it because it makes her happy and this is ultimately the result he wants to achieve.

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  • What was his explanation for you being high maintence?

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    • Thanks for the input guys! I had my concerns about him thinking he had something to "live up to." I was worried about that. I also thought it may have been some macho thing for him, too. It's hard to say because I obviously don't plan on spending my money on these types of frivolous things once I have a family, but for right now, I'm young and single. So, I want to do these things now so I don't regret them later. Thank you for all of your thoughts!

    • That-Guy --> he always said stuff like, "Wow, you some expensive things." Stuff like that. But then, he'd turn around and buy a motorcycle for himself, and I wouldn't say anything because I'm not married to him. So, I thought, he can do what he wants. I'm not familiar with his finances. It was always odd. And guys always act like they want an "INDEPENDENT" woman (lol), but when they find one they're intimidated. What a freaking double-standard! grrr

What Girls Said 3

  • i have that same mind frame that's how I met my boyfriend.he offered me a drink in a club and I refused I told him I can buy my own drink he bother me all night about wanting to buy a drink I kept refusing and the rest is history.when we started dated he told me that even though I was beautiful and had a lot of sex appeal the one thing that attracted him to me was the fact that I bought my own drink not that its anything wrong with females who take drinks its just not my style he told me that he knoe he would never have to worry about me accepting drinks and stuff from guys when I go out with him.now see that right there is someone who appreciates a independant woman and then there's others who can't deal with it there egos are to big.your not doing anything wrong and dnt change because if he can't appreciate it trust me there's a million others who can

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  • You are very right high maintainence is when you demand or must have these things. But seeing how you provide yourself with these things.I would say your just a self-independant women. Your guy should be thankful that your not needing and asking him for these things. I think its great that you make your own money, support yourself, and provide for yourself. If he has a problem with it .he will either deal with it or move on

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  • Some guys feel intimidated if you have nicer things than they do. He might feel threatened that you make or have more money than him. Some guys want to feel like they can provide for their girl, and if she already has what she wants on her own - they feel like "What can I do?". You deserve to spoil yourself!

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