I've gone from doormat to mean girl, and now lost? Please help.

They say be yourself, but what if you don't know who that is? I used to be the nicest girl, I would go out of my way to help anyone. My classmates soon realized that and took advantage of me. I had a horrible awkward stage; I was ugly, had few friends, and made fun of, which really got to me. My friends ditched me in middle school, which crushed me and caused insecurity, followed by vanity .That was when I decided to do something about my life. At that point my braces had come off, my acne cleared up, and I had lost weight. I started wearing makeup and dressing differently. Soon after, I was getting attention from boys for the first time and making new friends. But my kindness began to fade. I increasingly began to think and talk about myself, and my vanity grew everyday. I began putting other people down, and turned into a b*tch. I later found out that the attention I was getting from guys was the wrong kind; I was seen as hot but not "girlfirend material". I am now 16, and all of these traits have decreased, but I still hate the person I am. A lot of people dislike me because of my vanity and that I seem to have the notion that the world revolves around me. I have been described as a "b*tchy prep”, "annoying", and "obnoxious". I used to be shy and timid; now I demand attention and take over conversations. I don't think my friends even like me. As much as I want to be that kind person again, I don't want to be walked all over my whole life. I don't even know myself anymore. I feel so lost and I wonder how long people are going to put up with me. What can I do? I know I have to change but I don't know what to change into. I apologize for the length, and any words of advice would be appreciated.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think you have anything to really worry about. You recognize you have a problem and that itself is taking the first step to taking care of it.

    At your age, your personality is still developing, this isn't who you're going to be when you get older - especially if it isn't who you want to be now. I love the fact you refuse to let society mold you - you're struggling to be who you really want to be. One day you will be a person you not only like - but you will love. Kudos to you for that.

    As for how to find that balance between doormat and uberbitch - just treat people like YOU want to be treated. It's the Golden Rule - a philosophy developed thousands of years ago that still holds true today. If you treat people like they treat you - you are no better than them. Respect yourself - and most people will follow the example you set. Stay true to who you want to be, not what others expect you to be like, and you will no longer be a doormat.

    Good luck and be proud to know it takes a lot to admit your behavior is wrong. You have more backbone than you think you do, hold onto that.


What Guys Said 1

  • I know exactly what you mean, because I did something very similar. Went from being a pushover to a jerk, and didn't like myself. It's common to get tired of feeling like a doormat, and to overcorrect and become a jerk.

    I was able to correct myself by learning about communication styles. It takes a little practice to change your communication style, but it's worth the effort.

    When you're a doormat, you communicate passively (or passive-aggressively). You're scared to stand up for yourself, you allow other people to make choices for you, you feel like a perpetual victim, and you're often angry, anxious or resentful. You indirectly manipulate people to get what you want, because you're too passive to be direct.

    Aggressive communication means you're a jerk or a b!tch: you're a bully to get what you want, you don't care what others want or think, you're demanding and inconsiderate. It's your way or the highway.

    Assertive communication is the healthy middle ground: you stand up for yourself, but you also respect others. You try to communicate clearly. You don't let people take advantage of you. You know what you want and try to get it, but you try to be fair.

    This website [ link ] has a good summary of some tips you can apply to improve your assertiveness.

    Hope this helps!


What Girls Said 2

  • Its hard for a sixteen year old girl to understand who she is.or who she wants to be. From the ages of 16-21 we go through a huge transition. In that time, you find out who you are, the person you want to be, your true friends, and everything else in life.

    Its hard to just sit there and wait patiently I know.

    You need to find that sweet, innocent girl you left behind. You can be popular, cute, and sweet without being a bitch.

  • ask yourself how others would feel to be treated like a door mat. ask yourself why you want to treat others like that; now that you realize that you are treating people wrongly, it would be best to change to not hurt others if you know how it feels to hurt. people who are bullied may be traumatized by people being mean to them; take the high road and treat others with respect, in the end highschool is just one little isolated bubble in the university where subgroups are superficially categorized ie. the mean versus the doormat etc, so treat others like the way you wnat to be treated, there shouldnt be confusion at all, if you still have issues, you might have to go to counselling or talk to a good close friend