Why am I only attracting 20-29 year old guys when I go out?

I haven't been single long- since Oct. I've started to go out more regularly and mingling, mainly going to bars and clubs. I personally do not see myself as attractive, I'd say I was average looking and dress nicely. I am ready to date but all I seem to attract are guys that at 35 seem way too young to date me and even after I reveal how old I am they still want to take my number and pursue me for a date. What gives? I don't understand why guys so young would be interested in me and the places I go to are full of guys my age but they don't even look in my direction!

Updates:
my ex of 17 years was 20 years older than me so I guess guys in their 20-29 range seem really young to me.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Welcome to the new world of dating :) I became single at the age of 42 after 13 years of marriage and mostly all I ever had approach me were 20' somethings. So, here is the scoop:

    1. There are a lot more unattached 20 somethings than any other age range for men. As I dated more I found that 20 somethings were plentiful, 30 somethings almost non-existent (I think most of them just got married and are starting families) and 40 and over had a certain amount of guys who had recently divorced, were completely burnt out on the idea of a relationship and were only looking for casual hookups. Not all guys over 40 were like that, of course, but those that were clearly were out of touch with all the 20 something guys available for "fun" if that was really what we wanted.

    2. 20 something guys tend to pursue a lot due to the lure of sex with an older woman, not because they see us as relationship material. My belief is that guys are always looking for surefire ways to get sex. One theory is that older women are constantly horny and don't want relationships, so all they will expect from you is to sleep with them. Lame, I know, but I have heard this propounded as the "Cougar" way.

    3. Of the 20 somethings that would like a relationship, some want a strong female partner who will care for them, not necessarily financially, but emotionally. Finally, there are a few (usually at the older end) who would like a relationship and prefer older women because they feel we are less dramatic and more self-sufficient. Some guys are just programmed to be more physically attracted to an older woman.

    We cannot control who we attract, we can only choose those from that group that work for us. I personally have enjoyed dating and having a relationship with men younger than me as long as they are mature beyond their years and not looking for a mommy replacement. It is up to you to decide what works for you. Good luck!

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    • Thank you- this is insightful, so is it deemed okay for me to date guys that are in their 20's?

    • Sure, yes you can date younger men. You just have to be aware of what could come with that. But honestly, it isn't any different than dating anyone else. You have to know what you want and take the time to figure out if the guy is out for the same thing. I had one younger guy that I actually asked out, constantly have excuses for cancelling our dates but then would try to get me to come over to his place. I kept politely declining and waiting for the real date. I finally dropped him.

    • It was obvious after a bit that this guy was just hoping for a roll in the hay, not a relationship. He was significantly younger than me, so I could see how he could see me as only someone to have sex with, not a relationship. However, my fiance is the same age and adores me in part because of my age and he pursued me and dated me and it has been great.

What Guys Said 6

  • Beats me, unlike what Eric_11 said, some guys chase after "cougars" because they think are more sexually active and think that "cougars" want to have a fling with a younger guy? I don't know if its a fantasy or not, but that's my only guess. Majority of the men that look at you are probably attracted to you or think they have a better shot getting laid that way. Unfortunetly its rare that a young man who is 20 will date a 34 year old, but then again, there is no limit when it comes to love, so anything is possible.

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    • I don't want to be a cougar! That's my point, what am I doing that's attracting younger guys and how can I get out of that cycle and attract guys more my age range? 30-35

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    • What dudeman said.

    • You're not a cougar honey, a cougar is a 50 year old slut. You're normal but the boy mentality up until they're 30 or so means that they think you're desperate for them. My advice is do not waste your time and experience on a puppy that can do nothing for you except match your stamina. F***them and leave them - that's what they want to do to you after all. You want a real man? Go for an older man - preferable one that still has use of his d***. Oh and ignore dudeman - he' s a virgin.

  • Already a best answer - drat.

    Joe college will chase more beauties after studies/sports/parties - all night long! Your age is not out of their range, my dear. The models & stewardesses I've dated all had this problem.

    30-somethings are the American workhorses, trying to pay bills, get promoted, doing ALL the grunt work the company hates to do & self-promoted themselves out. Most of these guys have already been captured, most too tired to chase you, married or not. I'm afraid you'll have to whistle them over like a construction worker does gals on the sidewalk to make the most desireable connections. On the other hand, if you can dance, golf, tennis, swim, etc. often enough - you just might BUMP INTO (hint - literally) someone of same interests. Join a country club?

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  • Some guys find older women hot. Now you're pretty young to be considered an "older woman" by many standards, but not based on the guys you have been meeting. Nobody is too young to date you except for those who fall past a certain age limit that you yourself have set. It also sounds like you're more attractive than you let on.

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  • your question attracted my attention because I'm between 20 and 29, and now I'm attracted to you

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    • Why? I don't get it!

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    • You're a baby cougar...but a cougar nonetheless!

      I like older women, they are more friendlier, more mature, they play less games, they are more blunt in courtship, more open minded, they smile more often and make more eye contact, they seem less insecure, they also make better conversationalists, and read more books, and yes, I have dated women older than me and it was awesome.

    • Okay so now you make it sound like guys are content with dating older women for more than just there skills in the bedroom- I'm okay with that, I just felt like these younger guys just saw me as a way of gaining sexual experience, but when you put it like that, it feel like they see me, not just my body and sexual skills, so that puts me at ease with it all. Thank you. x

  • older guys want younger girls younger guys are more open to older girls studies have been done on this

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    • thumbs down, maybe I should bring you the peer reviewed scholarly papers?

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    • can I have best answer now I answered you question with science

  • Older men are looking for younger less experienced women. Younger men are looking for older, more experienced women.

    And user Eric has done nothing but troll since he's been here, pay him no mind.

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What Girls Said 4

  • ur obviously attracting younger guys meaning your good looking! I guess a lot of young guys really like mature women instead of their own age then again everyones is different I know I'm 22 & I'm really attracted to older guys like 25-27 I don't know I just like how they are more mature than guys my age ...overall age is only a number its the chemistry that matters!

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    • they just want to f***

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    • i don't disagree with you Dudeman, men in their 30s are desiarble and in their prime, but they seem to be in short supply- or just not approaching me, where as younger guys are. I don't think I look in my 20's. I don't know, maybe after a few beers I do, lol!

    • dudeman the only problem I have with you is that you're insulting to most women, you being a narcissist and believing you're correct at all times without consideration for the truth. Ultimately, you're not a woman in her 30's so you know nothing about what "value" we have to others (your favorite insult) - you're too young & inexperienced to make such judgements on those that know better. Wait til you get there & see if a big wallet benefits you when you're 55 divorced, fat, bald & sweating

  • Well a lot of guys that go out are in that crowd... or Between 18-30.There are some people of the older range, but not as many.

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  • For some reason (not sure exactly, I'm not a guy lol) guys just seem to like to pursue girls and women that are older than them. My boyfriend is younger than me, and my mom has dated men that are younger than her for some time now. I think it might just be the fact that the older girl has more experience and knows what she's doing. Or it could be that they appear to have more of a mystery too them, and the guy wants to see what all they know? LOL hope this helped!

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    • it has more to due with money and how women perceive men without money

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    • I don't know what the Ashton Kutcher thing is lol! These are guys that cou;ld poten tially f*** any woman they want- I'm not looking for an ego boost Dudeman, just some perspective.

    • and I'm being super honest with you and for some reason you are not listening

  • quite simply it's because more guys in that age range are single than in any other age range (excluding high schoolers.)

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    • this is true a mans 20s are the most likely time he will experience depression, and being single, mainly because men of this age range typically don't ahve their money in order still getting their degrees and what not and society and women do not value a man with no resources, doesn't have to be a billionaire but definitely have money in the bank

    • brilliant point you get a gold star

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