Call it a phase, call it what you will but that's what happened with me, I ended up with that very realization. , that the "bad boy/bad ass" guy was THE guy, the "nice" guy all rolled up into one. The label of being "bad" was just a label. In short, he was a perfect mix of both. He was THE nice guy just in a wicked, sexy, candy coated shell. The "nice" guy I thought I had been looking for, thinking I'd be "happier" with was sort of deceptive.
Now, one can say that I shouldn't expect people to change or meld into something *I* want. This I completely and wholeheartedly agree with. I have no ill-feelings towards the "nice" guy. In fact, I truly believe that he was "mean" almost obliviously (I say, almost because there were times when I would be straight fwd and say so, but he would either ignore it or dismiss it, that in itself was the cruel part of our relationship.) In fact, it saddens me that no matter how many discussions we've had, it would always sort of feel unresolved and in turn brought plenty of turmoil, with me any way. He would adamantly express that all he wanted was for me to be happy and that he loved me. However, my feelings were always, always second to his own. He wasn't a bad guy or an asshole in sheep's clothing. I chalk it up to just basic inexperience with women. (By his own admission) But being close in age, I suppose I glossed over this aspect. I also accept all of my own faults and short comings that led to our break up. I would never want a person to change against their will, which is why even after several attempts to salvage it, I felt it was more fair (at the very least) to allow him to be who he is. But there was never a time where I didn't bend over backwards, almost in utter desperation (and tears) in trying to understand him and all sides of his views (down to how he could have possibly been raised/treated, and all other related aspects). I really tried. I loved him. I wanted to try.
In short, being the lucky son of a bitch girl that I feel I am, the bad boy, was the first of the two that I dated. In a sense we never stopped caring for each other and he ACTUALLY begged for me to come back (after having left him for the "nice" guy). In the time apart, in a discussion before we got back together my "bad boy" expressed how he felt and it was as if he literally jumped into my own head and almost point-by-point plucked out all the possible reasons why I could have possibly left him. Even ones I may have not realized at the time.
I don’t feel that either men “did me wrong”, (even the nice guy) but it was crazy at how much a person can miss... until things are pulled apart. It's amazing at how much perspective is gained. I think the most important thing- aside from loving a person, is respect. If you have genuine respect for someone, you can get through almost anything- oh and I must also add, a bit of luck and faith may also play a huge role. ;)
Some times PEOPLE don't know what they "want" until they experience it. ;)
Ok, just going from personal experience here. I've dated a "batboy/badass"- not knowingly, I don't seek them out. On the surface he looks like your regular Joe and just to add to the picture he wore glasses (going with the whole "idea"). But in traditional definition, he loved pushing things to the edge, shocking people, alpha male type but always the life of the party. Times were good times with him, always. There was never a boring moment. But finding myself sort of "exhausted" every other day and some times finding that I wanted a little less shock and more "chill" time, we eventually broke up. I must also add he would give the shirt off his back AND there was never a time that he wouldn't do what he could to help some one. , ever, including myself. He seemed to adore me and treated me extremely well. But I broke up with ... and dated an otherwise less edgy, less showy, "nice guy". He didn't ride bikes, he didn't drag me around to the point of exhaustion, he was sweet and kind and he too loved me well. He was very much the guy next door and that anyone's mother would love. Both of which I considered and they too, wanted to marry me. The nice guy turned out to be a bit on the selfish side. The "nice" cover was more of a barrier and as it turns out, he didn't seem to think of women or at least their thoughts/feelings/opinions equal to his own. He was nice but- as I found for his own motives or rather, it was not always genuine. He also, had very little consideration or simple common sense about woman (and girls, this may sound a little foolish but it also contains truth, but if a man morphs in a Jekyll/Hyde style because he cannot understand girl(friend) code or at the very least how a woman may think/feel, this is a red flag. For example, if you try to explain to your man, about how you feel without any intent of persuasion or gain, and are still *and constantly* faced with anger or defense. Run; don't walk away from that situation. If you feel that even your man makes YOU feel bad for feeling how you feel. Run the f*** away. Sure, try and try as I had with the nice guy, but the situation always ended with it being "in my head" or "my fault" or worse- and yes there is a worse, a woe-is-me little boy who cannot understand that concept that women are NOT out to make HIM feel bad or if your man rebuts your so-called (as he always said) "argument" with spite or actual defense. Run. The. Fuck. Away. This type of childish man-boy issues cannot be solved without years of further experience in relationships (failed ones) or just complete realization, as in "you don't realize what you had until you lose it" type of mentality may be able to "mend" this affliction. Of course this is all my opinion based on experience with relationships.
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haha I don't know what women you're talking about!
I know a lot of other girls who will agree with me on the idea that they prefer the sweet sensitive guy.
Most women, though, do prefer a guy that's a little more rough around the edges.
Now this could be because the girl thinks he has a bleeding heart and is acting all tough and hard to hide his emotions - and she feels a need to save him from his world (I have personally known a few girls who are stuck in this frame of mind and end up getting hurt in the end).
It also depends on what kind of woman you are talking about. There are the types of girls who like being dominated and the ones who love to dominate.
I prefer being dominated - to a degree. I like the strong silent type rather than the sensitive sweetheart; I just can't stand sappy romance.
There is so much more surrounding this idea - but I am refraining myself from being too phylisophical in fears that no one will be able to understand me lol.
hope this helps.
I used to be attracted to bad boys when I was younger. I learned my lesson.
Some women are attracted to them because they are unpredictable, carefree and passionate, which can be exciting, especially when you're young and adventurous. This is where my attraction was rooted. Sometimes women assume men who are 'nice boys' will be boring (but trust me, when they open up, they have their own hidden sparks!).
Some are attracted to them because they want to 'tame' them, they get some kind of satisfaction or pleasure out of thinking they can change a guy. Big mistake.
In the end...I found much more meaningful connections with the nice guys and I stick to them now, but it required some maturing on my own part, as well as experience. As women get older and get more experience with men, they do realize that the bad boy thing is completely over-rated and appreciate the honesty and good nature of a nice boy. Or at least most of them.
It has to do with the alpha male concept.
The Alpha male is the most confident male in the group, the leader.
Because he's confident he usually does what HE wants because he doesn't need anyone's approval and never thinks that something is HIS loss (for example if a girl leaves him because he refuses to stop drinking for her).
Women are attracted to this kind of behaviour since in nature, it gives them the best chance of survival> dating the alpha means your safer from others (alpha's don't hesitate to use violence and are often stronger then average, nowadays also power, money etc), he will protect you better from everything, can provide better (come home with the biggest prey, because of their superior hunting skills, translated in a good job nowadays :D) and last off, their superior genes, which means that their offspring will most likely be physically superior as well (survival of the fittest, only the superior ones should mate).
So yeah, Provide, protect and superior offspring are the main reasons that it's best to pick the alpha male to mate with.
The funny thing is that alpha male's are in such High demand by others that they often cheat (which is normal for alpha's, according to nature, but mankind frowns upon it), don't care what others think since they don't need them but THEY are needed by others, so they can treat you like shit and you will still hang around just because you have too, for better survival chance (not in actual life, but these concepts are hardwired in the brains of females so they are inevitable attracted to them whether they like it or not).
The other males that you are referring to, are the "Beta males", typically the followers of an alpha who are insecure, physically inferior and cowardly by nature, but kind to women because they feel that THEY need the females (whilst the alpha thinks the opposite) so they work hard to get the female's approval (listening to them, caring about them, being a nice guy really).
Although most women will say they "want a nice guy" they usually are not attracted to these guys, even though dating them is a more logical choice sometimes. Attraction is not a choice. You can't point out and say "That's a logical partner for me, I'm going to be attracted to him!"
So they end up putting these guys in the friend zone and saying "he's like a brother" and run off with the Alpha male.
It's actually very logical but nowadays movies and stories have made many man believe that the best way to get a girl is by being a beta male, much to their frustration when they get rejected over and over lol.
Check out this free e-book link to learn more about the theory behind this and HOW to become an alpha male yourself!
Good luck!
Don't believe all these women that say they love a caring sensitive. that's bull, all the girls I've met are wen I treat-em well, they will treat me like s**t because they know you ent going anywhere.and they can make you do anything.
The "bad ass" doesn't care, and that's why they want him.its that thing you want wot you can't have. Even with guys, it a girl starts showing interest, you lose interest a bit aswell.
Life is too short, you have to look after YOURSELF and don't be too available. its better for YOU to be a bit of a bad ass in a relationship than to be the nice guy, doormat.
I used to be that guy, really listen what she says, then one day thought F.ck-It. never looked back, if we click, then its meant to be, if we don't click, then hey.
And when you ask about her, ask because you want to know, not it will show how caring you are. I don't know how to explain it but get it.
Nice guys are boring predictable and got no where. They can't protect you and pretty sure they are walked all over by everyone.
Opinion
10Opinion
Girls like guys that treat them mean, some like womanizers because they like the challenge of trying to change them. Everyones loves excitement and guys like that are the most exciting.
The nice guys are the ones they end up in long term relationships with or marrying because they are trustworthy, dependable and offer stability etc. But often they get bored sexually and end up cheating. Then the nice guy being so nice usually takes them back.
So here's my approach and advice:
If you're a 'bad ass' you can learn to be nicer but probably won't wanna bother lol. If you're a nice guy stay that way but don't be a pushover or let anyone walk all over you. If you really like a girl let her know, tell her how you feel because there's no point in not telling her. But don't keep telling her or get clingy. Remember to flirt and tease, let her know she's special to you but also flirt and tease and make her want you, do different things with her, be spontaneous and keep the excitement. She then gets the best of both worlds because she knows you care about her so she will open up more and you still get the excitement ;)
Girls don't like "bad- ass" dudes, they just don't like complete doormat guys. A girl likes it if ur a little bit of a prick in the sense that you will speak your mind and defend yourself in a convo and not succumb to everything they say.
I used to be that way. I did wahtever a girl wanted thinking that it would get them to like me, but there's a LIMIT that a man reaches and its very hard to get out of. I won Friendliest in middle school and cudnt get a girl to date me because I was just one big pussy.
There is nothing wrong with being a "good guy", because I am a gentlemen myself (contrary to what this anwer may insinuate, and I also believe that gentlemen are dying out), yet I still know when to defend myself or put my foot down.
That is the essense of this whole argument: girls like guys who can be assertive and aggressive at the right times, and not let themselves be taken advantage of in every little task. I was that way before, and got no results. I wondered the same thing. Now that I speak my mind and don't let that happen, you will see the improvement.
Try it man. And girls also get attracted to a guy based on the way you command respect from ur friends. They don't want the guy who is put down and too sensitive!
Good luck :-)
Well, girls are usually attracted to the indiviuality and confidence in the bad guys and so they end up learning the hard way that the bad guys are not the right guys... every girl acctually wants a good guy who will treat her right, BUT with the bad guy look... a man needs to carry his own weight in confidence and show his strength (which is what most bad guys show) but at the same time he needs to have a soft spot for the girl (like a good guy)
Basically, girls want a guy to have the confident and mysterious bad boy look with the caring and loving heart of a good guy XD
I am a 29 year old female, and I am totally different. I do not want a bad ass nigga I want a man that will treat me with respect and do not call me out of my name. If a man cannot respect me then I cannot be with me. I am a respectul lady that goes to work, school, and go home. I have two kids, and I was married to there father. Those woman must think less of themselves to allow a man to mistreat them like crap. Every woman deserves the best in life, but it is up to each one of us to decide the unique person that we are.
girls want to see how a bad guy could change if they really find love. It's more obvious to see a change of love if the guy is more badass than nice. If the nice guys do nice things, it's like they are doing it because they are nice, but if the badasses do nice things, it seems like it could be for love. That's how I view it...I am dating a badass right now lol. It's horrible I know. I think I would prefer a nice guy now though.
Girls are attracted to confidence and nothing seems to shout "confidence!" more than a rebellious guy. Someone whos nonchalant and does whatever they please always seems to be the kind of man that will "protect" a girl. Nice guys seem too sweet and less masculine sometimes.
I am very attracted to "bad boys"...initially. But I couldn't imagine sustaining a long-term relationship with them. Nice guys just seem way too unsure of themselves, which not only makes it hard to get things going, but if you're not confident in yourself that's a major turnoff. Hopefully there's some middle ground: a fairly nice guy who is also assertive.
women don't necessarily respond to the @sshole traits of @ssholes, but they do respond to their directness, confidence and boldness.
most women would take a confident, assertive nice guy _who has a backbone_ over an @sshole. but they'll also usually take a confident @sshole over passive/doormat nice guy.
Are you serious?! I just want a sweet loving sensitive caring respectful polite romantic passionate genuine realist guy and I can't get that!? I want to know why guys stay with girls who are materialistic and selfish. Why do men make dumb decisions to stay with someone so cruel?
no I don't like bad-ass guys.if a guy is going to treat me worst than shit, than I will treat him like worst than anything worst than shit.
i like nice guys who are genuine and don't self proclaim they are 'nice'. cause it's up to me to figure out what type of guy he really is, not what he says he is ^_^
just speaking for myself, I don't want the world handed to me. sure, it's a nice thought, but it's really really boring. I like a challenge in all the right places and "nice guys" seem like they'd give in too easily.
most women do end up with nice guys, but not before they have been beat down by bad asses to the point that they don't want a challenge anymore, they just want things to be easy.
Initially they're more appealing because it's really attractive when someone has that "I don't care what anyone thinks" vibe. However, once he starts acting flaky or disrespectful, I'm completely turned off. Nice guys do win overall as long as they don't treat themselves like doormats.
Women are very confused and will say what they are supose to say to look innocent. In truth they want to know that the guy can be sweet and treat her good but after you guys are together you need to be a badass to keep the relationship interesting. It is not a fact but I have seen it happen to all of my friends and I and I have noticed one thing. The nicer you are to them the crappier they are to you. Women like authority and want to be controlled behind the scenes. But in public you bet she is in control. It is mostly timing. To get the girl you have to be nice and sweet and to keep the girl you need to be interesting and look like the authority figure. It is a definite known fact that if you ask a girl to do something like a man she will do it but if you half ass it then well she will half ass what you get.
Pleasance
Find me these women and I will personally slap them silly. I can see the attraction when it comes to a dangerous guy, but although they may be fun for a while, it won't last long unless they're willing to treat her right. A nice guy will always last longer, but please don't be the dull nice guy. They're just as bad.
Hope this helps, I know I wrote a book. Feel free to send a reply. And also, all of this occurred within a stretch of a year and some days. I was almost a complete emotional train wreck inside, I wrote this minus the hurt and pain that had been felt and caused all around. It's nothing I took lightheartedly or like a game. There was a lot of emotional turmoil to power a town. I am completely humbled and definitely aware that this "The Notebook" drama/love story does not happen in real life, or at least does not always end such a "lucky" ending. -M
hmmm...maybe because they're very flattering to them,and decide to make the first move earlier than the good guy...and maybe its because they want alittle violent adventure in their life.They might want drama...or they want to try to make them a good guy? I think we all need to think outside the box for this one,agree?or maybe the good guy just doesn't seem to fit with them,then when they get the crap beaten out of them,they're too attached to let go of their bad boy.so they become too emotionally attached to see any truth or sense in what they're doing. Idk...but it's a theory.
It depends on the girl. The beginning phase of a girl is to go to the bad boys, but as the girl matures and has figured out what she wants in a relationship, she tends to go towards the good guys.
Next theory...Which type usually makes the first move? The bad boy. He comes up and tells the girl everything she wants to hear and the girl is so caught up in that she is blinded from what he really is. The good guys usually stand back some and then make their move. And by the time they finally approach the girl, she is already love struck with the bad boy.
its because "WE ALL" men and women ,seek attention so bad boys don't hold hands they don't show as much affection and all that does is make women want their attention, women always relize after awhile that were douchbags and they leave...r the WE miss to many dates are were late..just giving you a honest viewi can give...just show a women attentiuon and take it away then give it then take it away...ull duplicate the way bad boys treat women without being such a douch..women want a nice guy that's not a bitch
because girls like a challenge. girls like to be able to think they can change things so they get a guy their attracted to but still has flaws and they try to change their flaws but little do they know they don't change. and that's what causes them to keep going back because they don't want to give up on trying to change them.
Some women like guys who act like animals, or have some guts to talk against her and show violence, they dominate in relationship. Probably later in that kind of relationship women are just scared to leave.
So women can have some fun/adventures with dangerous guys but I don't think they gonna settle down and have a family with them.
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