Why do men get so caught up in my looks?

I'm not being full of myself and saying that I am the most beautiful woman in the world, cause I know I'm not. But I do know that I am quite an attractive woman, so much to the point that men get so caught up in my appearance that they don't really bother to get to know "ME". If I show just the slightest hint of who I really am I am immediately rejected and the men start to lose whatever respect they had for me. My ex once told me he saw me as something "Innocent" not breaking the rules or anything. It's like these men put me on a pedestal and expect me to be perfect in every way.

It's frustrating and it often times brings me to tears because people only except me for what they see on the outside and not for what really matters, for who I am on the inside. I have been dumped on numerous occasions because of this. Men have claimed they loved me only to realize much later that it was just pure infatuation. It really enrages me to know that no single man has accepted me yet for the person that I am.

Is there something wrong with me, why can't these men look beyond what they see at the beautiful person that I am on the inside. Many people think that attractive people have it easy in the dating scene but we get hurt just as much as anyone else. We are just like any other person. I don't see myself better than anyone but I hear this a lot about attractive people having it easy when it isn't true at all.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I can't say why this keeps happening. Mainly because I don't know anything about your personality. You didn't even indicate what kind of things you show them when they leave. It may be important. Sometimes timing and context could be important. Like maybe you said something and it came out the wrong way, or maybe you said something too soon. I don't know. All of that is of course assuming that it's you, and it might not be.

    I don't think it's all men though. I think it could be as simple as bad luck, or maybe you're going for all the wrong guys. For example, it sounds like you're going after a bunch of shallow douchebags. When you do decide you wanna date someone, what kind of things do you look for in a man? Maybe that has something to do with it. I don't know.

    Wait... no I just read what the others wrote and how you responded.

    OK, this gives me a little to work with. If you're insecure, that can send people away. I mean insecurity is part of being human, but depending on how obsessive you get about it, or how neurotic you can be, it could just make you seem like you're more crazy than anything else. (It pplies to insecure men as well) Also if your insecurities manifest as jealousy or paranoia, that could also be shooting yourself in the foot, because nobody wants to deal with jealousy.

    I have other thoughts on this, but ultimately I still need more information.

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    • Haha! No my insecurities aren't that bad. It's small things really about myself. Like I don't like my legs. But I don't obsess about it. I just say things like I wish my legs weren't so big (my legs are kinda on the big side. lol) but I'm not going to obsess about it to my boyfriend. Also I might be going for the wrong guys. I usually date average looking men, maybe I should go for someone as equally as attractive as myself.

    • If you're dating guys based on their looks AT ALL, then you have a problem. I mean good looks are always a plus, but if it's purely based on that, then I can tell you right now where your problems lie.

    • No I don't just date them off of looks alone. I think they have a great personality starting out, but they just turn out to be douchebags the more I get to know them. Like my most recent ex. He was crazy about me, and I him AT FIRST. I was a good girlfriend to him never cheated whenever there was I problem I was ALWAYS the one willing to try and work things out. He would give up before we even tried. Utimately though I think you're right I just may be choosing the wrong men to date.

What Guys Said 4

  • It sounds like you're the one who's most caught up in your looks.

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  • It is easier. Its not easy.

    Do you think you are as open with your real self as you could be?

    Do you think your looks and your personality clash in some way? I think my demeanor (how I come across) and my nature (how I feel inside) are not that well aligned, and it does make you attract the 'wrong' people.

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    • I don't think so. I am confident, but I do have some things about myself that I am just a tad insecure about. It's not enough to where I obsess about it though. I have my own opinnions as well, but if I don't agree with them, they get angry. And for some reason its like a grudge they hold onto for a while. It's ridiculous.

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    • Dre: not sure what you mean. If you mean my comment about 'who you attract' and me being married, I'm still trying to make that work. I hope it does.

      QA: when you bring up problems with guys, do you find they try to 'fix' them rather then caring about your feelings? And then eventually get fed up? Or is it something else?

    • Maybe they are opinions that matters to them. I honestly don't know they never voiced how important they were to them. But as far as me appearing innocent, I can somewhat understand where that would come from. I look quite young for someone my age. I am in my early twenties but I look barely over the age of 15. No matter what I do I can't change that. I work at a corporate company so I have to wear business attire and I still look like a kid playing dress up. lol I wear makeup as well, nada

  • Well they have it easier as far as meeting new people, keeping the person is another thing. I have it easy when it comes to meeting women but I still have to do everything any other guy would have to do, spend time with her, listen to her, take her out, make her laugh/ entertain her. Looks don't change a persons view of a persons character and personality if the person isn't what their looking for.

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    • Well in my case it does it ALWAYS does. I think I would know after all I dated these men. They were a whole lot more shallow than I thought.

  • Umm...what is it that has you get dumped?

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    • Well the fact that I can be insecure some times. I may be pretty but I am a bit insecure. They don't like that. Also its like I can't have my own problems, like if I try to confide in them in hopes of getting some kind of comfort or encouraging words they get irritated. Also they just stop caring after a while. They don't bother to show me that they appreciate me being their girlfriend. It's like they only want what shows on the outside, not accept me as a person with feelings opinnions or ideas

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    • Yeah but that's what I mean. If a man has insecurities which I am sure ALL men do. Even the overly conceited ones. We all try to compensate in some way for something we lack. And for a man to simply expect me to not have some form of insecurity about myself is a bit too much. If that were the case I would be a snobby b*tch and they still wouldn't like me. Simply because I think I'm the sh*t. That's what I mean when I say the put me on a pedestal. Nobody is perfect we're all imperfect in some way.

    • I agree, sure it's not fair for anyone to do it. Just be glad that you get the leg up in the dating field. If you've dealt with to many of these men, it should be easy for you to pick them out & eliminate them right? So just do that.

What Girls Said 2

  • What is it from the inside and who you are that these guys don't like?

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    • That I have my insecurities when it comes to my body. That I have my own opinions and ultimately that I am not perfect.

    • hmm Well EVERY girl has insecurities in some way. I don't know why they would dump you for that.. The only way I could see them dumping you for that is if you talk about it NON stop and are always talking about trying to change yourself, getting transplants or something.. That would be annoying and would cause any guy to leave. Same as it would if it was a guy always talking about himself and his muscles or something.. Not saying you do that but ti could be the case... and well I know a lot of guys

    • guys who would like an opinionated girl! There is nothing wrong with that.. But with opinions you have to be careful to not be over- opinionated and rude with what you say and come across as domineering, rude and heartless..There's a balance.

  • i think you're going for the wrong guys. though it may be a subconscious thing, and you may not realize it, but your guys all seem to be more shallow than with substance.

    i'm not amazing, but people find me pretty too. but the guys I actually put effort into making it something are the type that wouldn't reject me because they were just into the way I looked. I think maybe you need to be a bit more picky, even if it means being single for a bit longer. lift your standards on their personality and put your effort into someone you 'click' with, not someone who chases you because you're good looking or vice versa.

    then again, when you're single and in the dating scene, you'll always come across losers, so don't fret too much.

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