All my friends are hot and beautiful!

I'm really plain, I'm not ugly, but I'm just plain. I love my friends and I'm not planning to get "new friends" so please don't suggest that. The problem is that whenever we go out, they get all the attention from guys. I know shallow attention isn't everything in life, but as women, we like it, we want it... and not getting it, and seeing how my friends get heaps of attention, well it's depressing. This will sound like a high school thing, but my latest interest likes one of my friends, who is much prettier... I have a lot more in common with him, I even think he liked me, until he met her, and then he was all over her. so no matter how great my personality is, it seems that a nice "exterior" is still more powerful :(

I know that just means the guy was shallow and I'm better off, but it's hard to accept and be OK. Being surrounded by beautiful friends and seeing how much fun they have and that I don't just really gets me down sometimes, and if I tell them that, they just look at me like I'm crazy and go all "Don't be a fool, you're pretty, you don't want the attention anyway". They kinda belittle the problem, and I mean it's fine, they don't understand it. I just feel very lonely in this, but I don't want to get new friends just 'cause I'm ugly.

I guess I just want to know how to be happy despite all this, especially when we go to clubs or places with lots of guys. Oh, and how to get over the fact that my crush is all over my best friend, even "liking" and commenting how pretty or beautiful she looks in all her pics... and she gets a lot of attention from a lot of other guys, and I get nothing... I'm sorry I sound like I'm 15, but this really makes me feel bad, I thought I would not have to deal with this crap at 23, but I still do... when will it change? When will looks truly stop being important?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • well what about you isn't as "hot" as your friends? are you sure it isn't a confidence issue? like if your the only one hunched over with bad body language feeling awkward then that will make you less attractive. or maybe you need a slight makeover to get on their level? your not ugly, if your plain then plain can be fixed by cuter clothes, different hair and better makeup. swag is very very important. swag can increase or decrease your attractiveness so you might just need a little makeover

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    • For example, I have thin, flat hair... it's really, really thin, and I just have it down all the time to avoid accidentally showing scalp. I have brown eyes, the friend my crush is crushing on has big green eyes. She also has thick hair. She has big boobs, and I have small boobs. And just all her features look more feminine and delicate than mine, not that I'm manly, she's just more feminine overall.

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    • have you tried thickening/volumizing shampoos and products? try getting highlights because that adds dimension to your hair and makes it look thicker than it would if you have one flat color. also don't be opposed to getting some extensions to help thicken it out.

      you have to stop comparing yourself to other girls and just focus on u. your never gonna be her and she's not perfect either. that girl has flaws but she works on them so you never really think of them

    • as far as boobs go, guys think a lot of girls with small breasts are sexy. its not really the size of the breasts but the proportion of the overall body. if your slender then show that off. boobs are the main thing girls focus on but don't forget that a flat stomach and nice legs is really sexy to guys too. most guys would take a slim girl with small breasts over a fat girl with big boobs so that should tell you that boobs aren't that serious, its the overall body

What Guys Said 9

  • You really just need to wait for the right guy. I'll be completely honest with you and say that yes, pretty girls often get more attention. But ask yourself this: Is it really good attention? With the expectation to be pretty comes much more. They have to be pretty 24/7/365. If all the guy cares about is looks, what will happen if one day, she is not pretty anymore?

    If it's the right guy, he will want you for more than looks. I know many pretty girls, and many plain girls. I'm a car guy, so I'll use a car analogy.

    It's great to look at and even drive a Ferrari. Real fast, real sexy looking, and everyone will be looking at you. But would you really want to own one? It's so expensive to take care of, and you are always worried about someone stealing it. Not to mention that it breaks down a lot.

    A practical car like a Camry might not be the most pretty, the fastest, or the most exciting. But, it's a very reliable car that is easy to take care of, not expensive to maintain, and doesn't bring all of the drama like a Ferrari. If you treat it right, it will never let you down.

    Sometimes, less is really more.

    Just my $0.02

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  • If you feel you can't beat them at that game, beat them at a different game! Instead of trying to be as pretty as they are, just be unique, find other ways to set yourself apart. Have interesting hobbies you can show off. We'll find you intriguing which sparks a lot of interest.

    For example, I'm into vintage photography and am often seen carrying an old-fashioned film camera, which people ask me about, and I tell them about how I develop my own film in my own darkroom in my apartment. And people find it really interesting and it can help to separate you from other, more normal people. I didn't get into photography to show off to girls, but it turns out that having interesting hobbies can really set you apart.

    I'm not saying become a photographer, I'm saying take up interesting hobbies, wear interesting clothing, learn a musical instrument, obtain random skills. If absolute worst comes to worst, become a hipster ;)

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  • So you're plain and you're surrounded by pretty girls.

    Do you have any cool personality perks? Dirt biking? Rock climbing?

    I ask this because it might be offensive, but let's look at this logically:

    Friends: Pretty & boring personality ; You: Simple and & boring personality.

    OR

    Friends: Pretty & boring personality ; You: Simple & super cool awesomeness personality.

    In the first scenario, you will lose 99% of the time. Provided getting attention from a awesome guy is the goal.

    In the second, you'll lose a lot still. But if the guy has any perspective, after getting to know a few of you guys (including you) he start fawning over you.

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  • The truth is, is that when we go out, we look for the best looking women out there and then we go down depending on the level of her beauty or how we perceive them as beatiful, why do you think there is something wrong with you?

    If you really think you are bland, then odds are you are, but that is because you don't fix yourself well enough so you can be as beaituful as possible, try to change your looks, work out as well, that helps a lot! There are girls with not so very pretty faces, but they have banging bodies and they get men like mad!

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  • When do looks stop being important? Maybe into 50s or so when people might have less options. Looks is what draws us in, the personality is what keeps us there.

    So instead of focusing on looks, try to make your personality show. Art, music, anything like that to express yourself is a great outlet. Wow people with your talents or find someone who has the same passions as you.

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  • i agree what you say I don't know why but I think he has use you to be with your best friend and I think that was wrong he will realize on how you feel and have you told anybody about this? and I think your find the way you are don't even bother trying to change the way who you are,im sure you look really cute and pretty in person and so don't worry about what other guys think about you just find the one who will choose you and only you and I say tell someone who will understand you and so this is my tip "just don't change the way who you are just be yourself and confident that you will have hopes that somebody will be with you and love you for not the looks but the personality itself" so I hope I help you out and just find new friends by the way.

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  • Confidence is key or so I am told.

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  • Your problem is you're comparing yourself to others. it's a bad habit a lot of people develop including yourself. you just have to be happy with how you are and not how you think you should be based on your friends around you.

    In short stop comparing yourself to other people. worry about you!

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    • Sure, but it's practically impossible. We all compare to each other, it's human nature, especially for women (we do this more than guys). It's just difficult you know, because I feel like life is indeed a beauty pageant: we're expected to look great for guys. It's already been said that guys will aim for the prettiest/best personality combo they can get, so yeah, every other girl is competition, and I already lost. So it's hard not to compare myself to others, when they have what I want.

    • It's difficult but it's possible. that is how people can be confident. it's from within not outwards.

  • From a guy's perspective, I'm pretty quiet sometimes. And sometimes with the women I like, but don't know, I get very serious sometimes, because I've had some horrible experiences with girls freaking out over the idea of me being "sort of possibly" interested. If I don't know someone it can be hard for me to break out of my shell and talk to them; I have to "warm up" to people.

    I'm in my 30's, and I don't think I've ever had a girl interested in me for my looks or personality. I think it's a lot harder for guys to get girls to hit on them than it is for girls to get hit on by guys.

    And I think it's normal at times to feel like this.

    ...and while I like "pretty girls" sometimes, I prefer geeky girls. So if you're average looking, and carry yourself well, and show some personality trait that I happen to like, I'd probably go for that as opposed to a overly made up "hot" chick who I had nothing in common with. That's me, though. Oh, and if I don't know you, I'll probably be a bit shy, which means I may not talk to the girl until I've "warmed up" to her a bit. I try not to seem like I'm ignoring the person, but sometimes it's a bit awkward until there's a reason to say hello - and yes, I'm been screamed at for giving compliments, so I'm not as likely to start of with that.

    I think that getting your personality out there to be shown is important, too. There was a girl that made a reference to one of my favorite movies... all of a sudden, it's like the cupid dart just hit me. Her look wasn't memorable, particularly; granted, I thought she was cute in a way... but two minutes of personality made me want to meet her again.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Truth is looks will always be important to people, and I'm sure you have a physical attraction towards to your crush as well besides personality. To be honest your going to have to get over this crush, he'll most likely be interested in your friend for a short time period because then he'll really get to know her. I've dealt and am somewhat still dealing with the same problem you have.I am very curvy however I have zero fat on me, I'm muscular but to guys I look big. All my friends are these little sticks...I've tried dieting just to try to fit in with them. Until I realized that I like actually like who I am and trying to change to fit into a group of girls and impress guys that are superficial isn't going to work.There are millions of guys out there that will give you the attention you want that your crush doesn't see and what your friends won't get.(Even attractive one..just wait) This starts and goes throughout college, so really in the realworld guys aren't going to worry about those girls, most likely the roles will be switched. When you go out to parties, show that your having a good ass time lol don't be the debbie downer or nobody will wanna get near you. If you show your confident with just who you are ...you'll be giving out your number like no tomorrow! & Make your crush jealous ..even though he might not know you like him; Flirt with his wingman or friend and that will really get him to notice. Guys likes something they can't have, its the thrill! I don't know if he used you to get to your friend or if he actually started to developed feelings...but its his lost, don't stress over it. If your girlfriend knew you liked him I say kinda get back at both ..show you don't care hang out with his friends.Or start hanging out with another group that's more like you .. so you all are equal. Whatever one works...just don't ever show that your weak.

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  • First of all you are Beautiful and you need to know for yourself that you are beautiful. Just because your friends are beautiful doesn't mean your not. There guys out there who will like you and think your beautiful too! It may seem like their getting all the attentsion but don't worry you will get your attentsion too. Sometimes its a mind set where we think were not beautiful but if you changed your mind set and say I'm Beautiful and stay positive it will get better. Just be yourself, have fun and don't let no one still your joy. Remember Confidence is key. You do this and you will shine! =) Work it Girl.! =)

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  • Looks ARE and will ALWAYS be important. Fact is, beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, hot--attractive women will receive more (general) attention (contrary to popular belief, it isn't always bad), receive more male attention, have more options and get asked out more. I'm not gonna sit here and lie to you and say that the attention beautiful women receive is not the attention you want, because that's bullsh*t. Given the choice of an ugly/average or beautiful woman, same amount of brains and same bomb ass personality, the beautiful one will be always be chosen or preferred.

    That being said, pr3ttybr0wn does make a very good point. You might just have low self esteem and lack confidence. In reality, you may be just as beautiful as your friends, just as gorgeous, just as sexy. But you might also be that awkward friend who gives off a vibe of being insecure and that's never a good look.

    Or you could very well be less attractive than your friends and that's fine. In life, there will be girls who are less attractive than you; there will be girls more attractive than you. Just like there will be girls who aren't as smart as you and girls who are smarter than you. Same with being richer or poorer. Truth is, I don't know what you or your friends look like and I don't wanna know(to keep this unbiased). If this is the case, you are gonna have to work harder at your appearance and personality more than your friends. And in this case, you're also gonna have to realize you can't afford to sit back, thinking dudes are just gonna flock to you. You're gonna have to put in some effort.

    General beauty tips and advice:

    -Workout; 30 to 60 minutes of cardio a day such as running, jogging, dancing, elliptical etc. A toned, in shape body never hurt anybody.

    -Work on your posture; stand up straight, shoulders back, look forward, present yourself with a smile

    -Smile; nothing says inviting like a smile

    -Take care of your hair, skin and nails

    -Wear makeup to enhance your natural features and cover your flaws/imperfections. Now I know guys on here are anti-makeup and think their opinion on makeup is the end all of the world, but in reality millions of women wear makeup and have boyfriends or get married.

    -Dress well for your body type

    I get that it's hard and I wish you the best. There's no harm in making improvements to yourself at all, be it through natural means or a little ahem *coughsurgerycough* Which I know people on here don't like to hear, but if appearance wasn't important, Q's like this wouldn't be asked.

    As for your crush, that may not be appearance related. More like preference.

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  • I highly doubt that you get less attention because of your looks. More than likely, it's because of your confidence level. Many people can pick up on someone who has low confidence.

    The best solution to this is to stop worrying about guys for right now & focus on yourself & getting your confidence up. Don't like the way you look? Change it. Dye your hair, do your nails, apply some makeup, get a new wardrobe, etc. Pamper yourself & do things you love. Once you start taking care of yourself & your desires, you will start to value your self-worth which, in turn, gives you confidence.

    If you love yourself, people will flock to you. :]

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  • Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. JUST because you don't think you're up to par, does NOT mean you aren't. Beauty is subjective, and someone will look at you and find you gorgeous. Your friends probably fit the societal description of what's pretty. However, you're probably being too down on yourself. Don't worry.

    If you feel insecure, these problems will fade once you find someone who finds you beautiful both inside and out. Or, you could try playing up your other features. You aren't ugly. And maybe I don't think your friends are even pretty. It's all subjective. :)

    You're a beautiful person and sound very compassionate from what you've written. You're loyal, sweet, and sensitive. What guy wouldn't fall for you?

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  • Well if you want attention get it from them. Change aura! I mean your looks, maybe because you are too old fashioned that why others didn't notice you. Externalize your beauty! Maybe you have something to do with your outfits, hair cut and color. Being beautiful is a must not just an option. Face the fact that physical appearance always comes first and personality follows.

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  • continue to BE YOURSELF and have an awesome personality. Be you and be comfortable with who you are. It's just looks. I went through the exact same thing as you. But what I mean by 'it's just looks' is that looks doesn't always trump personality. My friends are very beautiful people and I am also like you---plain or okay looking. BUT for some reason, these friends of mine can't even get into decent relationships. The guys just want them because of their looks. They either want sex or just some trophy girlfriend. Most of these guys end up not even being compatible with them. Sometimes looks wear off and your faced with getting to know the real person. I don't know about you but did you ever see a girl and though "omg she is so gorgeous...ughh" but after seeing her everyday...she just became a normal pretty girl?

    True Story (I swear lol): There was this guy that I was crushing on (we were friends) and my best friend,who is really gorgeous, ended up going out with him on a couple of dates. In the beginning, I guess they hit it off until later on when really got to know her. She's not a bad person but she's loves attention and she has a touchy side. He ended up not liking her. Later on, I had a class with him and we began to talk and actually got to know each other and he became interested in me. He became genuinely even though I was ''average''. He liked what I stood for and I guess I was "different". At that time, my friend was trying to get him back but he didn't see her in a positive way anymore. I couldn't go out with him though with respect to my friend and he graduated now.

    Lesson: It's not all about the looks. They might get tons of guys but don't trip because you will get one too and if you are confident and have a great personality, you will get one that likes you for who you are and probably not give 2 cents about how pretty your friends are. I don't know about you but I rather be liked for who I am then to be liked for having a pretty face and a vagina. Don't lose your confidence and don't be afraid to look your cutest sometimes (:

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