Is it showing my boyfriend that I don't care about him when I don't change my body/hair to fit his desires?

My guy really wants to tell me how I should look, what I should do with my hair/weight/appearance. He's a nice guy and I understand that guys are primarily into relationships for visual/sexual reasons. I resent being told what to do, but then I also realize that most guys would just go sleep with someone else and he's probably just trying to make sure he stays attracted to me. I don't know what to do -- should I just do whatever he asks?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • He's not a nice guy. If he didn't like how you looked then he shouldn't have started dating u. you don't begin dating a girl you aren't attracted to and try to mold her into your perfect idea like she's a doll instead of a human with real feelings and emotions. You should get a backbone and tell this MF where he can go and dump him. I'm sure he's not perfect either, is he a male model? I bet there are things you could nitpick about him but you dont, so why can't he give you the same consideration? there are other guys you could be dating. if he isn't appreciating you then show him the door. and if you're gonna keep making excuses for his behavior instead of seeing him for what he really is then get used to feeling like crap its only gonna get worse from here

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    • That's the weirdest part ... he wants me to nitpick him right back? He's attracted to me ... I think it's like the guy above says -- he seems preoccupied with making everything as perfect as possible. :S

What Guys Said 4

  • I think this could go either way. If its every little thing, its controlling, if its a few key things that matter a lot to him, then ... well its sort of insulting if someone doesn't care about what you find hot.

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  • You should do what makes you happy first and foremost. To change your appearance to what he wants then he thinks he has some control over you. As long as you have good hygiene then you should look how you want to to make yourself happy. I could understand it if you were dirty and did not keep your hygiene on the good side. Other than that he should accept your apperance for how you like it or it means he is being superficial.

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  • I would call his behavior “the fixer” his trying to fix you…men are “fixers” by nature, we try to solve all our daily problems by defining the problem, think/ask/consult/research for the best solution and then we implement. When me and my dad went to the car lot to buy me my first car…I was so excited and I had a good idea of the car that I wanted (a black & blue 1980 Camaro)…but what I could buy was a rust bucket of a 1980 Camaro, but still I could see the potential and better I had a plan to fix her up just the way I dreamed about. The difference is you’re not broken & you don’t require fixing. If you want to change…do it, but do it for the right reasons…

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    • Where does it end? I worry that there is no way to satisfy a guy than being his puppet?

  • This is the first step into a controlling/abusive relationship. You might scoff at that comment, but it's true.

    "Nice guys" don't tell you what to do or how to look and "nice guys" are NOT in relationships just for visual/sexual reasons.

    If you continue to believe this BS he will soon be controlling your entire life. Either he likes you for who you are or he doesn't deserve to be with you. Don't let yourself be manipulated this way.

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    • I didn't say "just" ... but everyone knows that a man can't feel love if he isn't first feeling sexual desire. That's common knowlege, Mars vs. Venus stuff.

What Girls Said 3

  • He's not going to feel trapped unless he's asking for major changes. Think about it. If he's asking you to shave instead of trim or something relatively without consequences, it's not controlling. If he's asking for a boob job, then he doesn't like you for who you are.

    Give us an example in an update so we can know what's the deal here?

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    • It's started with hair color, making comments about what I eat or how often I work out, asking me if I'd get any moles removed. Etc. It's more of the frequency than the things themselves. I'm afraid of what would happen if we had a baby together or I got wrinkles, etc.

    • Yeah, he's overly picky. You need to talk to him.

  • this guy sounds awful; dump him. you deserve much better than that.

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    • He's not awful, but it is worrisome.

  • Unless you like the changes he suggests, don't change anything. If he's already trying to control you it will probably only get worse in the future.

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    • I'm afraid of that too. But I don't know if he's more controlling or simply more honest. I'd imagine most guys would prefer to be able to control how their partner looks, since that's the #1 thing to them about a woman.

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    • I think he's afraid I'll let him down in that arena at some point, and he'll feel trapped in a relationship with someone who he's not thrilled to be with. I worry the same thing, you know? I don't think it's an uncommon worry.

    • He's not "trapped". He can get out whenever he wants. He may start asking you to change more and more stuff about you and he may never be satisfied.

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