How can you change your perspective on what you see in the mirror?

As many of you have pointed out to me, I have body image issues. When I look in the mirror I see twenty extra pounds.

I take diet pills, I fast, I throw up, I exercise.

And yet I still hate my body.

My hips are huge my thighs are thick my butt isn't toned enough. I'm on the verge of just stopping eating all together but I decided before I do that I would try one more avenue...

I want to love my body, so my question is for anyone who has body issues: How do you love your body? How can you change your perspective on what you see in the mirror?

Help..

I'm 5'7ft and 135lbs

Updates:
I know it's probably mental, that's not what I'm asking.


What I'm asking is how to fix it?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Your self image comes from your own perspective. You have to love yourself. Ask yourself this; Would would you Not love yourself/your body? Do you feel as though your a good person? There has to be some conflict there, and only you, yourself have an answer. I Have been there and it was more about my attitude and perspective than my actual body, but at a time I did not like the person I was.

    I can only speak through my very own perspective, because it is the only one I see. I feel that I life a worth while life, support my family and friends and do what I think is right. I think that I have a lot to offer to someone. I love myself, I don't feel egotistical saying so.

    Anyone can validate that you are a physically beautiful, Although with a negative attitude, It won't change a thing. Because you don't believe it yourself. There are super models with that problem. Its 100% mental. If you want to change it, its simple. Be a positive person in all aspects of your life. Do the right thing as small as it may be and be true to yourself. I know you may think that is a general answer, but its that simple. By doing something like helping a charity, helping a stranger, just being a helpful individual to mankind is something to be proud of and emulate. Smile whenever you can, take little steps until the little changes become one big change. I hope that helps.

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What Guys Said 15

  • You need professional help. Psychologist, eating disorder specialist.

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  • Group therapy for body image disorder has been pretty effective in studies - more effective for those without a major eating disorder (i.e. you are a good candidate). You should look for a group in your area.

    Beyond that, I can't find specific reviews of this book link but books in that series have generally been well reviewed. You can't just read it, you have to do the exercises.

    You don't need to, and shouldn't feel this way. You deserve to be happy. Frankly, you deserve to be reveling in the fact you have been blessed with a beautiful, beautiful body.

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  • Seriously, it seems like you are giving a thumbs down to everyone here. Just get the f*** over it. I tried to be neutral, but come on...you clearly are not shy about your image and you just like attention (which ironically I am giving you right now).

    But yeah...I think you do need mental help. You clearly know you are attractive, but your post makes it seem like you're not...thus the whole "damsel in distress" thing that almost every girl who posts these topics do.

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    • I have given one down arrow to the guy who told me to starve in a desert actually. As for the damsel in distress thing you are going to believe what you want to believe. I don't like my body, in fact I absolutely hate my lower body. Do I think I have a pretty face? Sure, but you don't see me asking questions about my face. I do post a lot of topics on here about my image, because I will never have to meet anyone on here in real life so I can be open about my issues. In real life I have only

    • talked to my very closest friend about it and that is it. You are going to think what you want obviously but I obsess over hating my body, everyday work out and take pills and look up pictures of how I would like to look. Am I looking for attention? No. I am looking for help.

  • By fixing your internal flaws and not your external ones. You need to see a psychologist, and I'm not playing around.

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  • I think its mentality your a beautiful person honestly I can't imagine why your insecure and your definitely not fat what exactly is the kind of body your wanting and feel like your missing something?Maybe try and fix it by looking in the mirror and finding nice things to say about yourself you have nice hair and eyes maybe go shopping buy new clothes or exercise I felt a lot better about my body when I started exercising and lifting weightsit helps you physically and releases feel good chemicals into your brain like endorphins I always felt so great after an hours workout put me in a good mood take a hot relaxing bath afterward or shower it really really helps or eat foods that make you feel better I've read banannas have a chemical in them that makes you feel better I hope it changes its not a good feeling to have you but you don't look bad just ignore those negative thoughts everyone has em it doesn't mean they are true.

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  • Working out 3-4 times a week and eating healthy has been proven time and time again. That's the best system hon. Fasting and throwing up will only shock your body and with time it will learn to store fat faster and better because of your abuses. Start with loving yourself then love your body.

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  • You seem secure enough in yourself to be able to say this out in the open. The mind tends to play horrible tricks on us. We get conditioned on looking a certain way or acting a certain way and sometimes in our minds we don't think we can ever be good enough. This could be the result of someone putting you down on purpose or on accident. You need to realize that you are beautiful and very sexy. I have looked at your pics and I think you look great. Accepting yourself the way you are is going to be tough. but I think you should sit back and write down the things you do like about yourself, or actually try and believe it when someone tells you that you look good. Eventually you will find someone to fill that emotional void, someone that will tell you that you are beautiful and have a great body and you will actually believe it. I think you need to sit there and tell yourself you are beautiful and that you are not fat. You need to re condition yourself to see the actual you and not the distorted image you have in your mind of yourself. I hope this helps and I hope that things get better.

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  • I'm 5'11.5" and 125 lbs. I do wish to gain weight, about 40 lbs. but that is difficult to do. Anything I eat, it never really sticks. I eat fast food, soda, anything that helps pack on the pounds.

    People accuse me of intentionally being skinny, but I always snap back at the, "I'll eat more than you and still lose weight." It's difficult being a guy and being skinny, even more so than a girl being thick.

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  • The fix is through a fixer a fixer in your case is a psychologist who will go to work fixing you until you are fixed

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  • Perhaps these issues aren't a matter of dieting or any physical appearance, but are rather more in your mentality and some kind of imbalance there?

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  • There's nothing wrong with comparing yourself to others. Compare overall, or by each part you mentioned, and I'll bet you'll see your're way above average already.

    Just do some lunges for that behind, and you'll be fine.

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  • If you worry about how people see you go to the mirror and say I don't give a f°°k what anyone thinks! Because you shouldnt

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  • Not sure how to get someone to accept themselves...wouldn't kill you to chat with some of once in awhile...I compared notes with a couple of other guys...all the same story...all of us think you are Hot As Hell...but not friendly..and won't talk...o.O

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    • Seriously just drop it. If you were here in person then of course I would talk to you. I like the forums but I do not like to IM and message strangers on the internet. I know that I am a nice person and not responding to a few messages (most of them trying to get me to sext or Skype) does not make me a bad person. I don't understand why it bothers you so much.

  • go see a therapist.

    do something before it gets out of control. good luck

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  • Stop taking all that crap. Time to get off your ass and do exercise, it's the only way

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    • That's not the issue. The issue is her psychological issues.

    • I do work out...5-6 days a week

    • I agree with weapon zero. You don't look fat, you probably need psychological help. Maybe it's self-esteem issues

What Girls Said 9

  • The only way to resolve it is to work on your mental state. You can go to a psychologist and get help if you'd like. I used to be the same way (diet pills, puking, binging, exercise, obsessive about it). You can overcome it alone. It just all depends on YOU and if that's what you want. You need to work on your confidence. Force yourself to eat small but healthy meals. If you want to puke it out tell yourself no. Its about self control and having control over your mind and being able to tell yourself no. Its not easy but its possible. You have to love yourself and find happiness from something. Pick up a hobby or consume your free time with something you enjoy doing that isn't body related (you can paint, do photography, make music, etc). The stronger/happier you make your mind, the easier this will be. Its just taking baby steps. Work on your happiness and confidence in yourself and you'll be stronger and more able to overcome it. If you need help you can message me since I've been there before.

    Also, STOP taking the diet pills! Seriously. They are the worst thing you can do to your body. Trust me. I still have major problems from taking them years later.

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  • Because the issue isn't about your weight, you are attempting to control something in your life and you do it by not eating. This whole disorder is mental. I know I had anorexia for over 11 years.

    It's NOT easy to learn how to accept yourself, look beyond the 'flaws' you perceive and change what your mind reverberates over and over. It will take time and you will need a professional therapist to help you with this. This is not something to mess with. You can damage your body long term by what you're doing. To this day, I am cold all the time because I ruined my circulation, my hair is extremely thin because I lost so much of it, my menstrual cycle stopped for months, I had dizzy spells and even blacked out.

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    • I guarantee I know who downed me. At your update...Look QA you can downvote me all you want. I am telling you from experience that NO ONE can simply tell you what you can specifically do to change what you think when you look in the mirror. You need to retrain your mind and the thought process. You replace the negative thoughts about your body with positive ones you can accept. It's a difficult process and it takes time. You truly need a professional to guide you with this.

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    • @ Weapon- :O I hope it wasn't you! If it was then I'd have to dognap Ollie! :P

    • You leave Ollie out of this =P He's innocent in this!

  • Figure out what makes you different from others, what makes you special, unique, what makes you, you. You need to learn to accept your flaws and come to terms with the fact that you are not perfect, no one is. Look at yourself everyday and figure out what it is that you love about yourself and what makes you different from everyone else. Start trying to have a positive attitude and realize that we all have flaws, but that is what makes you unique. Start to think positively about yourself, rather than negatively.. the more positive you think about yourself the more you will love yourself. I know this is all a lot easier said than done, but if you take it all little by little you will start to feel better about yourself. You need to learn to accept yourself and love yourself for who you are.. if you can't love yourself, how do you expect anyone else to? Also, try and boost your confidence by doing things that you are good at.. it will help you feel good about yourself. Try and see the good and beauty in everyone and everything also.. if you can start to and learn to do that.. it might help you to start to see the beauty in yourself. There is only so much I can say here to try and help you.. there is no easy way to changing your perspective of yourself.. I hope I helped! good luck!

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  • Putting this all out there without being anonymous. I give you credit for that! :) so I shall follow in admitting that I've been there, done that and recovered. I used to be quite the anorexic myself, not to mention my biggest critic. My only problem was I had another critic by my side almost 24/7. I fell absolutely in love with a guy who was obsessed with his own image. He'd go to the gym every morning, every night and if he missed going, I'd be the one to blame. He'd hold me in the mirror, show me all my best qualities, and then came the flaws. The thing was, I just laughed it off, but the real truth is it made me not eat. Made me not do much of anything, because I felt like if I stepped out into the world then everyone would know my problem. The thing about me is that even if I know I have a problem, I want to be the only one to know. By 6 months into dating him I had lost more than 20 pounds. All I really ate was water, if you want to call that eating at all. I started smoking cigs and becoming really thin. I won't go on and bore you with my story. But my point is, who I am now. I'm the happiest I have ever been in my whole life. I've realized that to be truly greatful of what you have and who you are is to go through a few rough patches and to come out and look back and realize that no matter what you look like, no matter the mistakes you've made, you ARE STILL YOU. You cannot change you through the way you look and appear. SHINE, let your personality shine on. Find clothes that go well with your figure, and eat what you please. Hey, you'll be happy right? Stop bitching about what you look like, and what you eat, and this isn't thin enough. Do you know there are people in this world that would die to have a little more meat on their bones? Be happy with what yo momma gave you, for god sakes.

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  • You need help. And judging by the pictures in your profile. If that is even you.. If you were 5'7 and you weighed 135 pounds you would be skin and bones You wouldn't have boobs or a round face and your collar bone would be sticking out. I know you didn't ask for me to rant but I'm just stating out the obvious that you maybe wanted some attentiion or you are really a phsycho with a bad body image if it is the case of the last one go see a psychologist . Girls ask Guys isn't going to help you sorry to burst your bubble!

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  • It may be that you have body dysmorphic disorder, or you might just be like every other teen girl who hates the way they look. The best thing I can tell you is to try is to calm the f*** down and not do anything rash. Start by looking at what you are eating, and make sure you are eating a healthy diet. Now a healthy diet does not mean eating as little as you can it means eating enough to were you get all of the nutrients your body needs. Then start going to the gym. Get a new haircut, or some new clothes. All of these things can be enough to help yourself feel like a new person which is what it sounds like you want. If none of this helps then seek help. Good luck:)

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  • I can relate to some of the things you described.

    I used laxatives to purge and resorted to severe calorie restriction years ago ( only to gain some of the weight back again). Although I may have looked good, I felt like my insides were going to crumble and I cried myself to sleep every night because I was hurting and hungry.

    I haven't gotten over my poor body image and I am vey insecure by my appearance, but I have gotten over the fact that there is no use in trying to be perfect, because even if I lose more weight and do stuff to myself to try to make myself look better, I will never be a beauty queen nor will I be a victoria secrets model, unless I resort to drastic surgery...so I'm not trying to be perfect anymore... I'm just striving to look the best with what I naturally have. I have gotten a procedure done before, and believe me, I do want more things done, but it seems like I'm getting more greedy and actually driving myself psycho to be super pretty the more physical improvements I make to myself...

    So I've learned to just let it go and tell myself that I will never be the "pretty party girl" even if I'm to the point of skin and bones.

    I don't think you need to lose any weight from the stats you described...

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  • It's a mental issue.

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  • you need to go to a shrink.

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