I can't look past looks!

My guy friend really likes me and has told me several times now. He's such a sweet, caring, good guy, but he's not very good looking and it really keeps me from being attracted to him. I love his personality, we get along great, and have an awesome time when we hang out, but I'm just not physically attracted to him and it keeps me from wanting a relationship with him.

I know real beauty is on the inside and looks don't last forever, but I don't find him the least bit cute at all and it's really distracting!

Also, I've tried to look past it and imagine him as my boyfriend, but it's really difficult. I'm really attracted to his personality and I enjoy the way we get along, but it seems his looks just put me off. Am I really that shallow and terrible of a person? Do I just ignore the fact that I'm not physically attracted to him and date him? What happens down the line from this decision?

Updates:
Thank you for all your honest answers, I really appreciate it. I admit, it was really shallow to have thought looks to be an obstacle. With that said, I'd like to announce that we are dating now ^_^. I hope this helps other people the way it helped me. And also help shallow people (like myself) get over their shallowness! Again, thank you all for your blatant honesty!
Omg I just want to say that he's amazing! He's teaching me how to play guitar, we play Diablo 3/WoW and all kinda of other games together, he's multi-lingual and can communicate with my extended family, my friends all love him. Omg why did I ever let anything get the in way of us, I was such an idiot! I'm so glad he gave me a chance after I was such a shallow jerk! I'm such a lucky gal ^^

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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's not his LOOKS that turns you off.

    The problem is that there is no sexual tension, no masculine energy to ignite you feminine energy ... nothing to turns you on. " He's such a sweet, caring, good guy"

    From your description, he obviously plays more of a GiRLFRIEND role with you, and I'm assuming your not into sleeping with your girlfriends.



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What Guys Said 7

  • i am not going to say you a bad person but I would give the guy a chance he might wow you more then you had thought and you might then love him and when you inlove your partner is perfect (well at least for me ). well I say give him a chance just tell as long as you will stay friends . just agree to one date least . but don't lead him on if you not interested after that . just look at it like this if you really really liked a guy and he was in urn position would you not want a chance ?

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  • if you are not physically attracted to him ,than let him go . you need to love the whole package

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  • Late to the party, but glad to see you grew up and gave the guy a shot. When I read this before seeing your update I was gonna ask you if the situation were reversed and he was a perfect 10, you started dating then you got in a car accident and got disfigured if you would be OK with him dumping you? I think I already know the answer to that. Good on you for getting past the shallow.

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  • @update

    He only gave you a chance after you were such a jerk, because he couldn't find any other girl, because he's an ugly dude.

    You're welcome. Enjoy the rest of your life trying to force yourself to be attracted to something you're not attracted.

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    • I'm glad you read my entire post and both my updates to post this. Thank you for your honesty. I'm much too old to force myself to like anyone; I've had my share of good and bad relationships to know what I want. I find that because I'm so attracted to his personality and positivity, he becomes attractive to me. Doesn't matter if he's not physically attractive; he's good to me.

      Oh and here's a hug for you! Seem like you need it.

  • If you were incompatible personality wise that would be one thing but this being all about looks isn't good on your part. Bookmark this thread. It will become a teaching exercise for you. No not anytime soon, I'm talking about in 12 years when you are 40 and complaining about how no guy wants to give your old wrinkly ass the time of day. Karma is a fickle bitch if she is anything. You'll see.

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    • Oh come on, take it easy! I'm not saying he's not likeable, I'm saying it's distracting. Isn't passion, intimacy, enjoyment of physical contact important parts of a relationship too? What happens if I give him the time of day and it causes problems for us down the line (e.g. intimacy issues, sex drive issues) -- did you think about this before you answered?

      And by the way, there are some hot 40 year olds!

    • Actually no. Passion may matter when you start out dating, it may get seriously reignited in your first year of marriage but after that...well...every married person I know tells me passion goes out the window and is replaced by reliability. And that reliability is actually more favored by said married folk. Intimacy and enjoyment of physical contact should have nothing to do with looks. That is all personality based.

    • Attraction gets you through the first few nights, after that there has to be something more. That is the reason why so many "players" hit it and bounce. Attraction passes and they go looking for a new "game to play."

  • You have two solutions:

    - Hear the people that say you're shallow, and force yourself to be attracted to something you're not attracted, and live a life with someone you were never attracted to.

    - Date someone you're attracted to.

    Your call. The 1st solution, believe it or not, is the easy call. Not always easy means best.

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    • wow. 3 negatives. There are some ugly dudes here on this site.

  • Yes, you're shallow.

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    • Thank you for being honest. I took the time to get to know him though and I am interested in him. Does this still make me shallow?

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    • Again, thanks for your honest answer and telling it how it is. I do need raw honesty, which is why I posted here. I disagree with hiding behind lies though, I came for advice on...well, what do you do when you really like someone, but there's a hindrance (in some cases it's a bad habit, others it's bad chemistry; in my case, I'm trying to overcome shallowness - shouldn't more people do this?). Also, just to let you know, I'm dating him now =)

    • Really? Oh yeah. OK. Sure. link

What Girls Said 4

  • Youre not shallow.

    I used to think that looks are what captivates our interest but I'm starting to realize its not true.

    Ive seen plenty of cute guys but they don't all appeal to me. When you like someone, or are interested I'm them, you feel something from within. Like a tingle in your stomach. Not all cute guys inflict that upon me. And some unnattractive guys have made me feel this way.

    You just can't force it. If the feeling isn't there, it just isn't there. You're not shallow. You can't force yourself to like him. Just keep him as a friend.

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  • Looks are a big part of a relationship, you shouldn't feel bad if you're not attracted to someone. You obviously understand that it's not the only thing that makes a relationship great but that does not mean it's not important. Don't ignore the fact that you're not physically attracted to him because that's not fair on him and your relationship could lack passion because you don't find him sexually attractive and could become very unenthusiastic about sex, which won't be fun for either of you. Who knows what happens down the line...just gotta figure that one out by yourself.

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  • Why is this an issue for you? You don't like a guy. Case closed. What is the actual conflict? Don't play with him by trying to date him or second-guessing your feelings. If there's no spark, there's no spark. Move on and leave him alone. You're mixed vibes are going to mess with his mojo and prevent him from finding a nice girl who will love him, inside and out.

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  • I'd say this makes you pretty shallow. If he's such a great guy, then he's too good for a shallow girl like you. Good guys are too hard to come by as is.

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