I really want to tell this girl off. Do I have a right to?

So there this girl at work that always seems very nervous especially around me, like she was scared of me or something. This morning I asked my other co worker who is very gossipy that she is like that around me because I looked very similar to a guy that raped her 7 years ago outside of a club. (she knows that I'm not that guy)

I'm am really offended by this that she thinks just because I look like that guy that I might be a rapist. I have never done anything like that in my entire life and I never will.

I really want to go up to her and tell her to get over it. 7 years is more than enough time to mentally recover. I've seen war veterans handle their sh!t quicker than you and what they had to go through is 10 times worse that what you went through. Go to a therapist or something and man up!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You should approach her in a CALM way, since she seems a bit unstable. I would make sure that one of her friends was with her while you have the conversation. Just tell her that the way she treats you makes you feel uncomfortable. Tell her that you are so sorry that she had that experience, and that you would never even imagine doing something like that...guys that do that are sick and pathetic etc. If she can't get over it after that conversation just steer clear of her.

    As for 7 years being enough time to recover...everyone is different. Some people are stronger than others. Therapy doesn't work for everyone /shrug.

    I DEFINITELY understand where you are coming from though. She sounds like an annoying mess. Just remember that it's not you...it's 110% her!

    If she starts telling people that you look like a rapist (wasn't sure from your question whether she has already one this), then don't even approach her. Go STRAIGHT to your boss! F***ing up your reputation? Oh hell no... especially in the workplace.

    Hope this helps a bit :)

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What Girls Said 5

  • Honestly, it's more traumatic than you realize. And you have to understand that you don't understand what she went through, so you can't judge her for her undesired feelings. I'm sure she's not happy you look similar to the man who raped her, and I'm sure she knows you're a good guy and not like that. But that doesn't take away the fact that she is still harboring a nightmarish fear. She may or may not be receiving help over this, hopefully she is, but it takes a long time for someone to heal from that.

    And your war veterans, I know war veterans as well and while they look okay on the outside, you have no idea what is going on behind closed doors. Often they are medicated for depression or insomnia, some take up drinking, and others may have a terrible anger issue. My friend was in Iraq and he said he'll never get over having to pick up the pieces of a little civilian girl's body. It haunts him and effects how he reacts to and sees things now.

    She is scarred. I was molested when I was 7, raped when I was 17, and now I'm 22 and was recently assaulted. I've been receiving help, but it won't go away. She is healing, be kind to her and see things from her point of view. Just be respectful and show her that you are the opposite of the man who raped her, and that she has no reason to fear you. Telling her off will only worsen the situation, for her and for you.

    I understand you're hurt and upset over this, but it's not anything YOU did. It's what that piece of sh*t did to her, so if you're going to be mad at anyone, be mad at him. He broke this poor innocent girl for his own selfish and malicious reasons.

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  • I think you should just try to keep your distance and leave her alone. Its not that easy to just forget something like that and you can't blame her. If you truly look like him its probably a constant flash back of this man violating her.

    Maybe you could express how you feel but be kind about it. Try to get her to know the person you are and maybe things will be different, other than that I think you should just let it go.

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  • I would also be pissed I wouldn't know what to do she is being dumb but you can't go on telling off every person that pisses you off just act like she doesn't exist ignore her.

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  • wow you should never yell at a girl who has been raped.

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    • just avoid her like she avoids you

  • uh no. that's kinda harsh. recovery is different with different people. there are things that barely phase one person that can completely traumatize another.

    U shouldn't compare a rape victim and a war veteran. different experiences and people handle them differently.

    if you go and "tell her off" do you really think that will make her feel anymore comfortable around u? and if you don't care how she feels then just ignore her. but don't go acting rude just because you feel offended.

    If you do want to help, then just be kind to her and show her your not that sort of person...being rude is never the right way to go

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What Guys Said 1

  • First off, she has no right to act like an idiot around you just because you bear a passing resemblance to someone she had a traumatizing experience with years ago. If I were you I wouldn't want to tell her off, I would want absolutely nothing to do with a person like that. I would make no effort all to talk to her, because she's generalizing and ostracizing you for absolutely no reason at all. She does need a therapist, and you're better off staying away from her.

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