Why can't I be turned on?

I've been with my guy for two weeks, and I'm VERY attracted to him. We've had sex, but unfortunately it was only when I was drunk. We try it sober, but once he goes down on me I just freeze. I had an abortion in late November and it seems like it's been happening ever since then. I understand that's probably why, but I'm wondering if anyone who's been in my position might have any advice?

And please, don't bash my opinion on abortions. It's done with.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I also have not been in your shoes directly, it is a very emotionally draining and damaging thing to go through... I think you are an extremely strong person for asking your question and representing yourself and not hiding from your situation... I think it is probably just going to take time to egt back into a physical groove again... I have been through a really intense scare before and it was really hard to bring myself back to a point where I was fully comfortable with getting intimate...

    Once your mind is shot with thinking of everything that goes into the responsibility and life change and then to finally make a decision that you are comfortable with... I think you just have to take things really slow... Does your current guy know about your situation???

    • Yeah, he knows. And we've talked about it just last night. He just says it's not an easy thing to deal with. It's not like it's easy for me either though, because he's very experienced and I'm not at all.

    • Ask him to go slow and give you time... Promise it will be worth it... Make it more sensual... Candles Massage Making out Gentle rubbing, before he goes down there... It is all about soothing your mind and the body will follow...


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Haven't been through it, but it's my understanding that it's a major emotional thing. It'll take a while to heal. You may not be ready to be sexually active yet.


What Girls Said 1

  • Re: your answer to LuvTheBeach555, I think it's great that you're being so open with your boyfriend. I hope he's able to appreciate that. I also agree with mugglesam about it possibly being a little too early. You may be fine physically, but emotionally you're still effected. It's possible you may be harboring subconscious feelings about what you just went through, too. Something like that happened to a friend of mine a long time ago. On the flip side, one of my closest friends who had an abortion was barely able to wait the recommended 10 days to have sex again. I definitely wouldn't categorize her a nympho, either.

    But I think because she had no real qualms about the abortion (at least none that she wasn't able to convince herself to get over - she's been through sexual abuse as a child and developed a very strong-minded character) she wasn't emotionally affected. Perhaps you're experiencing the side-effects of regret or having difficulty convincing yourself that you did the right thing?