If people react to you indifferently, does it mean that you are ugly or close to it?

I wonder if anyone else feels insecure about how they look and look for clues from others as to their "acceptability?" How do others cope with these feelings of being unattractive or unacceptable? Would it be easier for me to just accept that I'm ugly; I try but it hurts too much so that when some people give me a compliment and say I look pretty or have pretty eyes, I'm confused. Are they just being nice out of pity for me. I welcome any honest but constructive feedback as difficult and painful as it may be to hear about my appearance.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If people react indifferent to you, it doesn't necessarily mean that you're ugly. I act indifferent to tons of physically attractive girls on a daily basis. Women act indifferent to tons of attractive guys on a daily basis. If you wish to flirt, sometimes that door has to be opened first until its "game on". For the record, based on the two pictures you have, I think you're pretty cute. ...But looks aren't everything, so here's some brief advice.

    The kinds of guys who are attracted to girls solely based on looks normally don't have a lot of experience in the dating game. Now, I'll be honest, looks matter, but if you're "okay" (and EVERYONE can makes themselves at least to the point of "okay") and have a good vibe going, you will still get plenty of guys. I've known girls who have had tons of guys interested in them (myself included) and when I really stopped to notice their bare looks, I realized that they weren't that genetically attractive. Think about it sort of as the female equivalent of a man who holds himself confidently, talks slowly and deliberately, is composed and has an aire of class about him.

    A general rule of thumb on clothes: if you wish to attract a "bad boy" the look is more sexy and tighter clothes. If you wish to attract a "good guy" -- not a "nice guy", a "good guy" (you know what I'm talking about) -- then the look might be a bit more classy and what I'd term "flowy". If you wish to attract romance novel guys, act like the romance novel girls (I'm serious).

    As far as demeanor, guys are statistically more likely to flirt with a flirty girl than with an attractive non-fllirty one. Don't act desperate, but also, don't over-game. If it helps, you can think of it as acting the way you might with a close friend who is attractive and playful, but who you wouldn't want to get into a relationship with. Laughing at their jokes is pretty big. Laugh at a guys jokes (or, anyone's at that) and they instantly like you more. If you slouch, stop it. It might feel awkward to stand up straight at first, but most likely you look fine. Be a little bit cheeky -- test them a bit, just a little, though. For example, if they jokingly talk themselves up, you can slightly bring them down -- SLIGHTLY! Too much and you'll come off as a b****. Also, give them that sly smile as you do it and its game on. When he makes a cheeky remark, playfully hit him.

    Smile excitedly a lot for the "good guy", smile sexy and slyly a lot for the "bad boy". Both for the good guy with bad boy tendencies. Make sure the smile is genuine (e.g. wrinkles in the eyes); instinctively we can feel this.

    If you haven't already tried this, try this out.

    If you find this helpful at all, I have more advice, but I'll stop there for now.

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    • Thanks for all the advice :) I think it is with people in general, both girls and guys...I seem to blend in with the scenery a lot but maybe it is because I'm shy.

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    • comment when I run out of characters is getting to be bothersome : /

    • Thank you very much for all the good ideas. At first I couldn't see all of your comments because they weren't showing up on my wireless device. I appreciate all the time you took to provide them here. I agree with you about the pendulum example. Although I am introverted, I find myself, oddly enough, making more of the effort to be friendly and outgoing so I can overcome the shyness. Still, people generally are rather dismissive of me, one reason I suspected it was how I look.

What Guys Said 5

  • Well, I took the liberty of checking out your profile, I didn't see an ugly woman there, instead a rather nice looking one. I'm married and way older than you anyway so I got nothing to gain by mere flattery.

    Can't really answer to your specific situation, would have to be around you before I could even venture a guess. I'd wager the down point you are at probably creates a "bad vibe". Being cheerful helps. While my personality won't overcome my physical flaws, it certainly does help me make and keep friends. And for those women do did for some weird reason think I am attractive, it did help me keep them as GFs for much longer.

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    • Yes, that's a good point - if we are in a sad place, people tend to stay away...but even when things were going better, it seemed I had to do all the work with people. Thanks for your advice and feedback. :)

  • You should have explained more about what you mean by others treating you indifferently. Do you have any examples.

    Either way, to be totally honest, you have a beautiful face. Your eyes do look pretty. Very pretty.

    Where does this insecurity issue come from with a face like yours?

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    • Thanks for all the helpful feedback. The examples of being treated indifferently: one stands out the most - a colleague and I used to have offices next to each other. I could never get any work done because there were guys/male coworkers always at her door. While I wasn't jealous, I wondered why no one would even wave hello or peek their head in...I would always have to be the one to start conversations. I guess in general I feel like I'm always the person who does all the work. Thanks :)

    • I hope I wasn't sounding too superficial with all the compliments. Still, though, I figured you should know it's not that you're ugly or unattractive. Jaques529 pretty much has the right idea, so heed him, I'd say.

    • Again, thanks. I think from the answers that I'm not quite as hideous as I thought but I feel like I deef don't look close enough to good to attract anyone. I only have one decent features eyes and ghose are only OK when compared to my not good face. But thanks for kind answer.

  • you look good to me.

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    • ty...I don't feel good enough. I compare myself to everyone and always think I'm worse. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

  • I personally don't like compliments.

    I really hate the attention and I really don't like paying attention to my looks.

    I tend to ignore it and focus on my personality more so than anything else.

    Pretty or not you shouldn't worry, be happy for who you are :)

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    • I don't seek compliments, either, but when people respond in such a cold manner when I'm friendly and a good person, I figured it had to be the exterior. I can't see that it would be how I treat others.

  • Try therapy, that's what I'm doing (though I had many other reasons to go as well) and its starting to help a little. I'm pretty much in the same situation as you, I feel really ugly despite being told I'm not every once in a while. Its a feeling I can't ever shake due to the way people act around me, and the fact that I've never dated ever (and I'm almost 23). I know therapy is absolutely not the answer people want to hear, but I'd be lying if I said it hasn't started helping a little bit.

    Also, just for the record, you are definitely not ugly judging from your photos.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Maybe those guys don't treat girl special so they won't know they like them or actualy respect and like you for you not just for looks

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    • that's a good point, but in general, I tend to just blend in with the scenery. Maybe it is because I'm shy. thanks for responding.

  • No if you're shy its like they don't notice you no matter how pretty or ugly

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  • People don't want you to feel uncomfortable because no girl likes to be hit on alot

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  • If you are ugly then how do I live in the world !?

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  • well you don't have a howk nose ,you don't have a mole on your face and your not bold. YOU ARE NOT UGLY !

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    • Thank you and I'm sure you are not either. I just wonder why I always have to be the one to reach out to others when I see other people receiving much warmer reception from others. I know I'm nice and respectful to others so I couldn't think it was anything to do with my personality...that left the exterior.

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