Do you think people who think they are unattractive should make an effort?

I see all the time on this site questions where people ask about looks over personality. People complaining that they are too ugly to meet someone...

What I don't get is, if they are not happy with their appearance why not change it? It's fine if you don't want to change your appearance, but if you're not happy with the way you look you can change it if you want to. I don't see the point in complaining about something if you aren't willing to do something about it. It's one thing if you are trying and not getting results, then you have the right to complain.

For example, my cousin complains all the time that she doesn't have a job or money. Well she doesn't try to find a job. Whenever someone tells her to get a job she says: "What's the point, I probably won't get hired anyway." and then gets depressed and complains more about being jobless. We've all told her, if you're unhappy being unemployed do something about it instead of feeling sorry for yourself.

It's the same with appearance. If you are not happy with the way you look, try to change it.

I'm not talking about people who are overweight due to circumstances they can't control either. Like thyroid problems, or meds that make you gain weight. Obviously you have something to be frustrated over, because you can't help it.

It's post like: "I am too ugly find a guy, why can't they just see I am a nice person?"

If you think you are ugly, work on changing your appearance. If you don't want to, stay the way you look but don't complain if you're not willing to do the effort.

Anyone can look good with a different hairstyle, some makeup, and clothing. And girls can have sex anytime they want.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Because the people who complain often want reassurance that it ISN'T their appearance, but that the opposite gender is just composed of dumbasses. They don't want people to actually state and make it known that appearance DOES matter and it plays a role.

    Plus, some people are lazy in general. Or they see no point in putting in effort if it won't make them beautiful.

    Let's face it: makeup doesn't fix ugly nor does it hide ugly. Photoshop and airbrushing can, but makeup can only go so far in reality. Some people are just butt ass ugly and no amount of working out, applying makeup, taking care of their hair/skin nails, eating healthy or dressing for their body type will change that.

    So they think, if they can't go from one extreme to another, it's all pointless.

    Also, A LOT of guys and girls on this site have nice girl syndrome and nice guy syndrome. They think that because they're "nice"--which means they're pushovers and have a sense of entitlement--guys and girls should just flock to them.

    They're nerdy, lack confidence, lack personality, lack physical appeal but because they're NICE(pushovers, resentful, bitter, virgin & inexperienced, which to them translates into nice), girls and guys are supposed to ignore their major personality flaws and just flock to them.

    It's not just common among guys on here, it's common with the girls too. A lot of people have special snowflake syndrome, where they huddle on this site, gain support from other fellow "nice" girls and guys, they're unique. See, the culture on this site often creates a sense of "you're special." Because you're nice, you're a unique snowflake; because you're a virgin and inexperienced, you are a unique snowflake; because you can't manage to even talk to the opposite gender, you're a special snowflake. DAMN RIGHT y'all are, but not in a good way.

    So basically, a lot of people reaffirm the "ugly" people that they shouldn't have to put in effort and improve themselves because their unhappiness is the fault of the opposite gender.

    They DON'T want to change it. They want to hear that there's nothing wrong with them or that they're beautiful or that it's OK to be overweight. They don't want to believe these are flaws.

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    • But yes, they should try or shut the f*** up

    • Show All
    • This! Well said!

    • Why thank you all :)

What Guys Said 8

  • I came to this epiphany about 2 years ago and its changed my life drastically. I've learned that "good things come to those who are patient" is a misnomer. Life is not fair and just because you are a good person and patient doesn't mean good things will happen. Good things happen to those who grab life by the balls and make them happen. That includes change within yourself.

    Once someone first starts complaining about their looks or luck in dating, the first thing I look at is if this person has done everything they can to improve their prospects. I tell people that if you want to make a change in your life, then get up and do it. By new clothes, start going to the gym, practice your conversational skills, attend more social events, actively seek more friends, get a new hair cut. Leave no rock unturned when trying to self improve. Every detail can help.

    However, that being said, some people do put in a lot of effort and are still unlucky. I consider myself one of those people. I have done all those things I've previously mentioned and still get out-shined many times by guy who are lazy and just got lucky by having a great girl just fall into their lap. The one thing I especially complain about if anything, is my height, which I feel I have all the right too because I can't change it. I'm very short (5'4) and as a result, I'm positive it has really limited my dating prospects even thought I know I have a lot going for me.

    So if someone puts in full effort and at best, there only real flaws are things they cannot change, then I will have sympothy for them and agree they just are unlucky, but people who look like sh*t, are lazy, make no effort to improve their game or social skills, and complain like they were born deserving things like a beautiful GF, get no sympathy from me.

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  • Yes and no. There are lots of reasons for why people do this. Luckily we have the internet now, so that makes it a lot easier to find the information we need. I couldn't do that as a child.

    Some people have no idea how to improve the way they look. I know as a guy it is really hard to figure out what kinds of styles I should be wearing, and what looks good on my body type. I was also fat as a kid. People would just say, eat less and exercise more, but I had no idea how much less to eat, or how to exercise, or how much exercise I should do. If you grow up feeling a certain way about yourself, you start to feel, that you just can't do anything about it. You just end up feeling powerless over your problems. If you are powerless, then why should you try? So a lot of people just have given up.

    Then of course there are people that are afraid of rejection, and use their looks as an excuse to not try to date or meet people. If they got into shape, then they would have no excuse.

    People should do more, but they don't always know what to do, or where to find the answers. That is if they haven't already given up, or if they are hiding from the grown up world.

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  • And yet looks is probably the easiest thing to change. Diet and exercise, a little shopping, and makeup(for the ladies) and you can change how you look quite easily.

    However changing deep seated personality characteristics. Now that's a challenge.

    I can make you pretty much easier than giving you a personality or intelligence(I still can, but it takes more time and a personal commitment to effort)

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  • It is nonsense to suggest, as you do, that anyone can look good with a different hairstyle, some makeup, and clothing. Going blond, daubing paint on your mouth (yuk!) and copying the common style will do nothing.

    Ugly is a strange word. An ugly person to me looks haughty, cold, contemptuous, cruel, sour, that kind of thing. A plain girl, who doesn't have anythng much to appeal is not ugly. Obviously the plain men, who don't have anythng much to appeal, will look for her. It's not powder and paint that fetches a man, it's something that that particular man happens to like. For instance, tall blondes, in high heels and fancy clothes don't even get a glance from me, whereas a small brown girl with a big mouth is half way to my bed already (given she's willing). Brains and a strong mind are also sexy for me. What a relief we don't all like the same thing.

    The "ugly" girl lacks confidence and self-image, not fashion.

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  • I think complaining in general is stupid. People that are trying and not getting the results they want shouldn't whine about it, but instead figure out why they aren't getting the desired results. This applies to everything, not just looks.

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  • 'Ugly' or not personality still matters.

    For majority of people looks do matter but I've seen couples where one is prettier than the other and they seem pretty content with each other. In the end it doesn't matter much.

    But I guess I can understand about the complaints you hear about. It's like a broken record it's simply annoying to hear about.

    I think people lack the self-esteem or should I say self-acceptance for who they are and how they look. I've been in the rut many times but I need to remind myself my looks aren't for everybody and you'd be surprise that some people may find you attractive.

    Having a good personality and confidence is just as important as having looks. I don't think pitying yourself gets anyone anywhere.

    I think the way you dress and the way you feel about yourself really present who you are and I think people should see that side of a person. If there isn't anybody to hurt you, you're only hurting yourself.

    I think all this negative nonsense is just self-defeating doesn't get you anywhere close to your goals. Then again I've met people of different shapes and sizes I don't see where people complain all the time. I don't see my own reason to complain as well.

    There's plenty of possibilities out there if only people tried. Not trying means you've already lost. xD

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  • Because they don't want to change. They want people to pity them. Let's all have a great big pity party for the ugly person.

    And then someone from the pity party, will throw them a pity f*** or a pity relationship, and the lazy ugly sod won't have to change a damn thing about themselves.

    (At least that's how it goes in their fantasy)

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  • My goodness, yeah this site is full of complainers.

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What Girls Said 8

  • I agree. you can't sit around whining about being ugly, unwilling to do something about it, and then have the nerve to act like people are supposed to overlook your bad appearance and like you for what's on the inside. that's just using that as an excuse to be lazy and not try. whatever, stay single then

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  • yeah they should at least try. I have seen lots of unattractive people who have dates because they straighten their hair, wear makeup, and dress cute. personality matters.

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  • Everyone needs to make an effort, you could be beautiful and it wouldn't mean that people still want you. I get compliments on "gorgeous hair" and "a pretty face" but I don't talk to men and so I've never been on a date. I don't have the confidence and for the record, I think I'm unattractive. It's the way it goes, your face my draw the eyes but its the personality that draws the whole.

    People will always notice faults. I could accentuate the double D's and reveal the clear white skin, put the copper hair up or down in a cute or sexy way but everyone will always notice that I could stand to lose a few pounds. We all notice and remember flaws and what kind of woman really wants to have to change for a man? Most of us could take a blow to our appearance but not to what's inside, after all, that is what counts!

    All in all, you should really only have to make an effort to appease yourself. Looks or personality being the alpha in attraction is different from person to person, ultimately they both matter. I've seen ugly chicks with hot guys and all I have to say is, they're outgoing.

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  • i knew a person like that, she complained that she was overweight and I told her to come with me to the gym she all of a sudden was fine about the way she looked. And then a few days later she started complaining again. And I figured out some people don't change what they don't like cause they like the complaining, they want you to feel sorry for them and baby them. And those are the ones that won't get far in life cause they are too busy feeling sorry about themselves

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  • Well... not EVERYONE...

    Personally I'm always down on myself and I feel like I'm just disgustingly ugly. But I *DO* try to change my appearance. Sometimes I just don't know how to go about it, or it's extremely difficult. For instance, I don't like my skin tone (I'm black)... it's not that I don't LIKE being black, what I mean is that body isn't an even tone. My face is darker than the rest of my body (which I try to fix) and my stomach is slightly darker too... how do I fix that? I can't... it's pretty much impossible. So what do I do? I sit here and complain. :>

    But I do try to make an effort... it's just so hard for me.

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  • No I think its their choice but they may think they're ugly while others dont

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  • Yes so they can stop complaining

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  • I think people can only change themselves

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