I have an ugly younger sister and it's affecting my own self esteem

Does having an ugly younger sibling effect your self esteem and your own evaluation of your attractiveness? Whenever my mom lumps both me and my little sister into the same category ( for ex, saying "our daughters are so...________)and mixes up her name with mine, I kinda get pissed off because I don't want to have to do anything with my unattractive younger sister, and makes me fee like I'm in the same league as my sister in terms of looks. she's six years younger than me, but its weird how having an unattractive little sister effects your own self worth.

Does anybody understand what I'm saying or feeling?

Updates:
People stop it with the spiteful remarks. I just want to know if anybody feels his way or can suggest a form of relief

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Most Helpful Girl

  • In my family, there are 6 kids. I have two sisters. One of my sisters is too little to care about what she looks like yet, and my other sister reminds me exactly of you. She's 6 years older than me and because she was criticized so badly in high school for her weight, she became obsessed with her looks.

    She was heavy in high school, so after she graduated, she went on a mission to become totally different and 'hot' for her 5 year reunion. She lost 50 pounds, and just changed. She started posting her pictures on hot or not websites, and she became mean. I noticed because she changed herself so much, and her personality that when she saw girls that looked a certain way she would criticize them a lot by appearance. And because she was insecure, she would tell us when a guy came to up her and told her she was hot. In front of her family, in front of her fiance at the time, in front of everyone. Bullying damaged her.

    At her wedding, I at the time was 15 years old, kind of awkward, I was having problems with my skin, and I was kind of heavy too. You know what she told me? We were trying on dresses, and I told her that I wanted to change my lifestyle...become healthier and lose some weight for her wedding. She had asked me to be a bridemaid. She told me I could never do it. I didn't have the willpower and I'd always be ugly.

    You know what? I did it. Not because what she said to me, not because how bad she made me feel. I did it for me. And I can say I'm a much better person than she is. She's my sister, but she's not a nice person anymore. What I learned from that is to stay how you are, and don't treat others like crap just because you're miserable inside. That's wrong and people don't deserve it.

    I don't know if you put this on here to troll or not, but I was in your younger sisters shoes once, and it's a horrible position to be in. You feel like you're worthless, and those comments are just mean. I know for a fact if my sister had ever said to my face or not that she didn't want to be around me because I was unattractive, I wouldn't be talking to her anymore. That's rude, uncalled for, and just goes to show that family means nothing to that person saying it. By the way, if you have siblings your mom is always going to call you their name at some point...it's unavoidable.

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    • Wow. I wasn't exactly bullied in high school, but a couple of guys and girls did call me names and teased me regularly. I think the emotional pain inwent through in HS carried over to the present time , 4 years after HS. I do obsess over my appearance, and I admit I had cosmetic surgery which was not really necessary, but I felt like I needed it to feel better about myself.

      I think I did become a bit bitter and mean, I think as a defense mechanism and to take revenge on the types of people

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    • fake "nice" to her on the outside, but they really don't want anything to do with her for the long run, like they never acept her fcebk requests or tell her to eff off when she message guys and girls. Thy ignore her ... It pains me to see her trying so hard to fit in yet nobody accepts her except for he weird and retarded kids... I feel like crying every night because infeel so sad for her and yet I am so ashmed of her and don't want to have anything in common with her...

      I know I don't make sense

    • Sorry for all the typos, by the way ( I was typing m responses on my cellphone)

      But yes, your response it frightingly true. I was criticized a bit for my appearance in HS, it still emotionally tramautizes me when I think about it, and my self esteem took very DEEP plunge because of my HS years

What Guys Said 9

  • Well your sister must be beautiful inside because you're certainly not.

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  • It's okay you're just superficial. Are you sure you're that great? Idk.

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  • Shallow + mean... just sayin

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    • Well if that's your opinion then so be it

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    • You are who you are. Your mom lumps you into the same category because to her you're both her beautiful children. Stop being such an unloving sister and actually try to relate to your sister more and realize that she's a beautiful person, whether on the outside or on the inside.

      And no, people are not going to think you're uglier than you are because of your sister. If they do see you as uglier than you are, it's because of the way you treat your sister.

    • Not outside. That's for sure.

  • wow...just wow

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  • I understand that you're evaluating yourself higher (That's a way to get self esteem) by downgrading your younger sister.(That's a way to lose self esteem.)

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    • Im not evaluating myself higher than my sister. I'm not downgrading her, I'm taking pity on her. That's the thing, I feel like I'm on the same level as her because we're sister and similar in some respects, probably physically as well.

  • Nope. You are unique.

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    • Can you elaborate, please?

  • You are sure something else. I am sure you sister is much more beautiful than you.

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    • Shes unattractive . Its a plain fact. Guys in school make fun of her all the time. It hurts me that she's getting bullied and isolated in school because of that, at the same time its hurting my own self esteem because it feels like my sister is a reflection of who I am...i don't know if you understand my logic

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    • The only reflection of her is herself and the only one that can reflect you is what's within you.

      She's a part of your family, it's not a league that you should be concerned about. You're making fun of her right now even though you may not think that. How can you say it hurts you when she's being bullied or isolated when you've done the same thing to her?

    • You've come on this site, to people who don't know your sister, to single her out to the world, to tell them that you think your sister is ugly. You've said that you keep away from your own sister, that makes you no better than the rest that isolate her.

      She makes mistakes and you're also making mistakes.

  • I suggest you really take some time off the internet and spend it with your sister, I have a feeling you could learn a lot from her.

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    • What kind of things?

    • Her thoughts. Her feelings. Humility. Kindness.

  • I could see it makes you uglier. Much uglier inside.

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    • Im serious. I'm not being sarcastic.

    • Neither am I but I am not surprised but you not understanding what I said. Mean spirited people are not always the brightest bulb in the chandelier.

What Girls Said 11

  • no, it's your sister who should be offended by being placed in the same league as you...

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  • This is kinda weird to be honest. I mean your sister is 6 whole years younger than you, that's kind of a lot, especially at a young age. And if you think she's ugly, that's just your opinion. Someone else might think she is normal looking. So even if they associated her with you, they might not think you are any uglier.

    Maybe you think she is ugly because you don't like her personality or there is some other issue.

    It just seems like you are overly concerned with how your sister looks. I just don't see how it could really affect how you look or feel about yourself.

    Usually siblings have a few things in common. Sometimes they are totally different, and sometimes they are a lot the same.

    You just need to tell yourself that you and your sister are different people, and maybe your mom lumping you together is making you feel uncomfortable, but that's just her perspective as a parent, it doesn't really reflect on you as a person.

    If anything, if your sister really is ugly, then wouldn't that make you feel more attractive?

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    • no, I feel like I'm similar to her because we're blood related and everything she experiences in school, from what she tells me, makes me feel guilt, and pity for her at the same time, I also feel ugly...i think I have psychological issues.

      and no, she is considered conventionally unattractive I can tell you that.

      everybody in school teases her and every guy she comes into contact with mocks her or tells her to eff off when she approaches them.

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    • What's making you feel so awful is that your mind has come up with so many negative thoughts based on the situation. It looks really bad for her. She's ugly, people treat her bad, etc etc. It's like it sucks and there's no hope. That would make anyone feel awful. All you have to do, although it takes some work, is reverse this negative trend in your mind little by little over time and you WILL feel more free like it's not affecting you as much and it could get better.

    • Sigh... I think you explained what I'm feelin pretty well.

  • Damn girl. She is your blood.

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  • Eh she could feel the same way about you. The main ones who try to call other people ugly are ugly themselves..^.^

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  • Lol well unless. Ur into girls then I don't see how changing what you see attractive in girls is affecting guys

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    • you don't understand my question at all.

  • You are one of the worst big sisters ever. So what if she's "less attractive" than you, that's YOUR family.

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    • I nver said she was less attractive than me. For all I know I could be as ugly as her. I don't even know if I'm ugly or pretty

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    • Its not my opinion. Guys in her school make fun of her for her weirdness and unattractiveness and I've posted pics of her online just for curiousity - guys and girls consistently rate her looks below a 5

    • Well if she doesn't care what they say then that's cool, you're supposed to stick up for her. And unattractiveness varies depending on the person. And I wouldn't give two craps what some strangers online said, who the f cares, we all have faults. You should be one of the people boosting your sister's confidence not whining about her appearance on the net.

  • In sex years you will be old and unattractive and she will be young and pretty and being in the same league with you will affect her self esteem

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  • Honestly, I can kind of understand where you're coming from. I think you're identifying yourself with your sister too much. You and your sister are two completely separate people. Just because people identify your sister as ugly doesn't mean they think you're ugly too. If you are good looking people will think of you as good looking. They are not going to consider you ugly because you're sister is ugly. You are two separate people.

    It really shouldn't bother you that your sister is ugly. It is very superficial to think like that. Honestly, I think you should talk to someone about this because if what the people around you look like is affecting your self esteem, you might have some issues.

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    • Thanks for understanding. And yeah I think I have major issues, I'll admit that

  • To be honest it seems that you are the unattractive sister.

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  • You are a horrible person. I'm sure your sister thinks the same way about you; she would have every right to be pissed off if anybody put you two in the same category.

    Beauty fades, stupidity lasts forever. May God have mercy on your soul. Or not.

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  • if she is ugly than you are ugly. you are sister's. same genes. watch what you say! Karma is a bitch

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    • kinda ironic how you don't like spiteful comments yet you are making spiteful comments about your sister lol

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    • WHEN DID I FuCKING SAY I WAS GrEAT? Obvipusly most of you don't understand what I'm talking about...

    • "I kinda get pissed off because I don't want to have to do anything with my unattractive younger sister, and makes me fee like I'm in the same league as my sister in terms of looks. she's six years younger than me, but its weird how having an unattractive little sister effects your own self "worth. Are you f***ing retarded you dumb **** bitch! You are obviously not smart enough to know what you are talking about. I'm sure your sister is FAR more attractive than you lol

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