Wow....guess I'm the girl and she's the guy.

Well me and my girlfriend have been going out for 3 months. I never thought I would love because I'm not even sure I love my parents. But one day she broke my heart talking about her ex and said stuff like still having feeling for him etc etc and then hung up on me. I cried till 4 AM and was totally lost and thought I was going crazy. I found out I loved her beyond anything. I couldn't stop calling or texting her, but had to stop soon. After going through a lot of shit she comes back. I couldn't be happier and I was back to normal able to concentrate on everything else. But she wasn't acting all normal though. When we met after a week or so at a friend's place she was acting weird. But eventually we kissed with some passion. Then while leaving she spoke about marriage, and I was like woah, thank god everything is back to normal. Just before we reached her place she stabbed my heart again. She told me " I know I'm going to sound like a guy, but I don't want to be in love anymore, I don't want to lose my options. I did not want to kiss you today because I wanted us to be only friends from now on.", I was standing there knowing I was screwed. But I told her many times before and even now that I was happy just being her friend, and told her how much she meant to and all I want is for her to be there to talk to when ever I'm feeling down. But then she goes like "if ur my friend, then I will have only one friend and I don't want that "...i thought to myself that I'm the most boring guy ever ! for anyone to say that, she's a year older, I'm truly in love and I'm she was once too...I'm sure we will end up as friends because I know she'll become better if I leave her alone, but she crossed a line by saying all that...I never argued unless required and I always gave room ( guess should have been a bastard liker her ex )...even at college my eyes were filled with tears in front of my lecturers when I argued with them for no reason and I called and texted begging her to talk just for ten min because I had my exams coming up and could not concentrate...she denied etc etc saying that I don't understand that she has problems too and can't talk...i stopped calling or texting her...its been two days and I guess I'm ok now because I told myself I don't want to go through all the sleepless nights again. I miss her sooo much, can't do anything but wait I guess...

Updates:
Thanks a lot for the comments...it helped :)
Its been two months since then. She has not come back. Not a day goes by without thinking about her in some way or another. I must say I'm feeling better. I don't think she is coming back.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Sorry to hear this. I'm guilty of being that girl and I'm ashamed of what I did. However, by you texting and calling her is only feeding her ego...trust me on this one. Right now she's got the upper hand and in some sick and twisted way she knows and probably likes the fact that your after her like there is no tomorrow. Trust me, its better to occupy yourself with other things. Sounds stupid right? Don't seek revenge, don't date just to get some and forget her...NO! occupy yourself with other things that interest you. If you find yourself wanting to text or call her...write down whatever you want to say on some paper and just toss it afterwards. This will refrain you from communicating with her and perhaps saying nasty and hurtful things to her, which will only make you look like a dumb-butt. Call up some friends...create study groups with other people (maybe some girls)...and just take it easy and focus on school. The last thing you want is getting on academic probation and getting kicked out of school. The dean won't give a rats behind that you're failing cause you can't stop thinking about some girl. I'm serious!

    Its easier to forgive than to forget, but in time the pain will ease down and you'll be able to move on. Don't give into her games...next time she calls you or if you two meet up..give it to her straight. Let her know that you don't have time to play childish immature games especially since she's the older one...right? If you want to make it work together..then give it to her straight. Its okay to be emotional and assertive at the same time.

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What Girls Said 6

  • dont talk to her for a month...let her miss you..till she comes crying back, when she will know that you can be happy with out her she'll be forced to think that has she made a wrong decision. In the mean time, go out with friends have fun. start seeing other people. Just don't contact her for a month. let her contact you.

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    • Best answer don't talk to her at all

      but maybe you can't do that?

      but if you did, it works man

  • Just move on, keep busy. I have done that to someone. We were together for @ a month and then I told him I needed space and I didn't want a boyfriend yet because I wanted to just be alone. But really I was talking to someone else. We didn't stay friends. I did see him like a couple of months later and he had a girlfriend. They looked very happy and good together. I did feel bad about what I did to him but I wasn't inlove with him. If I would have kept lying to him and kept it going, he would have never met the one he really belonged with. So keep your head up, there's a reason for everything. You just don't know it until it happeneds. And about being friends after you've been together, how strong are you?

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    • Hmm about the being freinds thing, its probably an excuse from my part for wanting to be close to her, but when we both first met we were like bestest friends within like two days, and that's the way I wanted it to be forever because I thought she was way too good for me. But it was she who told me she loves me first and then we started going out...( hope that's what you wanted to know by the last question ).

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    • Did you even want to stay friends with the guy you did that to though? I mean I've had it done to me and I see that ex all the time and I never talk to her even though we decided to be "friends" after things ended, mainly because I never wanted to be just friends and I know I never will. What would be the point of staying friends with the guy anyways? My ex told me straight up that we can't be "good friends", maybe because she still had feelings? Idk, anyways that was a tangent I know lol.

    • He was a cool guy. I wish nothing would have happened between us but they did and I guess I really didn't want to stay friends because I felt awful about what I did to him.

      And yeah maybe you're ex did have feelings for you still. If I still liked someone I wouldn't want to be friends and see them with someone else.

  • tell her what's on your mind maby you guys could talk it over and maby she will make you feel better breakups are hard but you have to go through them! girls are hard to read sometimes but so are guys we all are... just tell her that you still want to bo friend and everything tell her what you think maby she will listen good luck :)

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  • Sorry to hear that but obviously she doesn't deserve to be in a relationship or friends with you. You seem like a nice and caring person and if she can't see that then there is no point in talking to her. Find other things to occupy your time and in time you should be over her.

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  • you NEED to get over her...find someone else...NOW!

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  • OMG! You sound JUST like my ex! This is absolutely unbelievable. You said a few things different than mine did but you guys sound like the same person overall. Wow! Sorry, I just had to say that. If you are in the Sunshine State then you may be the person I'm talking about. Wow!

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What Guys Said 9

  • Sorry bud, but you have got to realize that she is just letting you down easy by telling you she doesn't want to love right now. The truth is that she just doesn't want to love you. She said things that made you feel like a boring person because that is why she is breaking up with you, because you aren't exciting enough anymore. She wants to find a guy who has a life outside of her and who can create a bigger and better life for her as well. I know this is a bitchy thing to do and sounds really selfish, but it is what she wants right now and unfortunately you had to be the one to experience the wrath of the "nothing is ever good enough" woman. Forget her dude. If she really loved you she would be with you, so why cry over someone who doesn't want to be with you? Use your brain and realize that there are millions of girls out there that are many times better than her that you can find and have a happy life with. I've been through something similar and being friends is a bad idea. She doesn't want to be friends with you because you're too clingy and will actually try and maintain a good friendship. She can't maintain a good friendship with you because she is trying to make new friendships with other guys. I wouldn't be surprised if she already has a guy she is interested in or maybe even dating already. I've had the whole "I can't be in a relationship right now" bs pulled on me and then they have a new boyfriend 2 days later that is soooo much better than you of course. Psh, screw that, no one is better than you, the problem is the girl, she isn't right for you obviously, because if she was right for you she would be with you, make sense? Good, now go out and think about other girls, there are literally billions of them out there.

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    • This is for all the guys who commented...thanks a lot, guess I have to be a man...

    • But I disagree on one thing...i'm pretty sure we can be friends, its doesn't have to be super close friends.

    • You can only be friends after you have moved on which you should take at least a month of no contact before you can even be close to saying you've moved on. Why be friends with her though? You might have to ask yourself if you really want to be friends with her for the right reason. The right reason isn't because you "need" her friendship, it should be because she is a good friend, and it doesn't seem as if she will be one right now. Think about it.

  • This is exactly the reason why I suggest guys not take women seriously until their late 20s or early 30s. People, especially women, are very immature with regard to relationships until they get older. Most guys don't get to do the choosing and just go along with whichever women they end up with and then become dependent on the woman liking them for maintaining their happiness. Screw that! Get out there and date informally for 5-10 years. Live life and collect as many reference experiences as possible and find out what you both like and don't like about the women you've dated. When you finally "find yourself", as women like to call it, then you can start filtering the women based on YOUR criteria and find someone that truly makes you happy. When you're young this is impossible to do. This is largely why people that get married young have the highest divorce rates out there.

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  • Dude your a man not a chick what the hell were you thinking crying like that you should be ashamed of yourself. Look she's over you, so move on and for the love of God don't ever make that mistake of crying and acting like a little girl ever again. I wouldn't even want to be her friend, she's an ex for a reason and even if you do become her friend, I would wait for at least a year before I ever considered it.

    She doesn't want to be in love anymore, yeah that's a load of crap just give it a week or two she will have a new guy on her arm. It sucks but hey that's life, so if I were you forget her and find a hotter girl, your ex is already doing the same thing, she's forgotten you and soon she will find some other dude. Survival of the fittest I guess. You can't win them all.

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  • Wow dude. First things first, there's nothing wrong with you. You just wore your heart on your sleeve. Keep your guard up next time. You might have given her a little too much too soon. You shouldn't be so eager and giving because it ends up with you being hurt... like this.

    The less you connect, the easier it is to break it off. She's a crazy hoe in my opinion because she strung you along like that, talked about marriage and then broke it off. She might have talked about marriage to test you and see if you were serious. Then once she saw you were serious, she broke it off. You gotta remember man, college is a place where girls go screw a different guy every night. People hook up all the time. No one is looking to be serious and if anything, a relationship should start over summer when you both have time to get to know each other.

    You should NEVER ever talk about love until you've hit the six-month period. You don't truly know someone until after six months. It's very impractical and downright scary to a person to show full intent like you did. "Passion" "love" etc. You have to be a douche in life. No one likes their independence walked all over like that. No one wants a siamese twin.

    It's ok. The pain will remind you of your mistakes. Do not be so cornering next time. She's another human being- this goes for any girl you will be with in the future. Even in relationships that span for years. You should still give them space and be unavailable unless she wants you to be there. I've been in this situation before, it hurts, but it's like a vaccine. Now you know what NOT to do in the future.

    Good luck, get it off your chest, and keep your chin up man. You got this.

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  • There is nothing wrong with feeling emotional. Shows that you value relationships and will make a good partner for any girl.

    However, note this: she behaved very immaturely and did not care about your feelings. That means she is not good relationship material. Imagine how horrible your life would have been if you got married to her?

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  • My best advice is somewhat cliché; if it were meant to be, it would happen. In my experience, as long as one person consistently hedges, then he/she has not fully committed--and worse, usually never will after more than a couple of months. Whether or not you give her more time to decide to be more than friends is up to you

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  • buddy I hear ur pain cus I went threw the same thing last year basicly that cares deeply and easyly and in turn easly gets hurt but dude ne guy who went threw what you did would b crushed! Keep being strong man cus there's tons of cool chicks out there! after my xgf stabed my heart by starting 2 date my good friend after like 3 months I got over her and then met this compleatly 100% awesome chick! I know its hard though man! message me man and we can talk it b cool! will ya?

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  • one thing to say move on you deserve better.

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  • It's been a month, right? Don't suppose you'd mind giving us an update would you? I would have given an answer, but not sure you need it still if it has been a month since then.

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    • Sorry I'm a month late in replying. I've had exams which I had to do well. Hmmm about a month and a half ago. I found her in college in an empty lab with her friend and I just went in a spoke as though nothing was too wrong. She ignored me the whole day and when we were going home went in another route. I waited outside for 2 hours. Her friend sees me and texts her that I'm standing there. I get a message from her friend to leave and that she doesn't wanna talk. That was the last time I got hurt

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