My mom makes me overdress for community college?!

for goodness sakes, I just went shopping with my mother yesterday, which never fails to be a torturous experience (always telling me I have no fashion sense, and yelling at me in the middle of the store for having no interest in fashion),

She insists on buying me leather coats, blazers, and just really mature looking clothes...and whenever I pick out something she dismisses it and tells me it looks "cheap" or "stupid".

In terms of my fashion, my mom dictates what style I wear, and honestly, I feel a bit out of place with my peers who are wearing fun and spunky clothes from "Forever 21" or whatever, while I'm wearing dark trench coats and looking like a serious professional working woman.

I kind of feel embarrassed when I'm walking in the halls in Community College because I see everybody else wearing really casual, or "age appropriate" clothes and I'm wearing really mature looking clothes...

She criticizes my appearance A LOT- tells me I have no feminine qualities, and I'm so clumsy. She honestly brings down my self esteem the most. She should be happy that I'm at least complying to her wishes that I wear "older women" clothes...Jeez.

She's in her mid 40s, and always picks on me and is yelling at me, and I honestly feel like the ugliest piece of crap after she is done shouting at me. I think she behaves this way towards me because I got academically dismissed from my former University 4 years ago because I failed to pass minimum GPA . I had a case of depression and homesickness during my years at Uni which caused my academic deterioration. Now I'm at community college, and she seems to be embarrassed by that fact.

She picks on me for the smallest things and a day never goes by without her criticizing me or yelling at me for something I didn't intentionally do. For example, I accidentally washed the white towels in the laundry with a piece of red shirt, which I didn't see while sorting out the laundry. So the towels dyed into a faint pink color. She gave me hell for that and called me all sorts of insults,

She doesn't know etiquette- she yells at me in the middle of a clothing store for choosing the wrong items and not taking interest in my own fashion, and I can tell her behavior makes the customers feel awkward...


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well not to sound racist but I'm assuming that you are probably Asian lol. Sounds like a strong case of Asian parent syndrome. Anyway I honestly think that you should just have a heart to heart with her telling her about your situation. Tell her how others at your school dress and how out of place you feel about it. Make sure you emphasize how you don't want to dress too exposed or slutty but you just want to dress more casual. Just be sure to have some tact when approaching her. Use the sandwhich method. Start off really nice... let her know that you are really greatful for whatever etc etc then tell her the problem tactfully and again more nice things and make sure to feel very sincere about it and suggest a solution/compromise to the problem.

    • yea, I'm asian...good guess. lol...but with her there is no compromise. either I comply to her, or she disowns me.

    • Well if you wanna talk about this some more you can stop being a stranger and PM me Ms. Anonymous lol. I like helping people out with stuff like this considering the way I grew up. I'm not Asian though :p

What Guys Said 3

  • This can be solved very simply. Tell her in no uncertain terms that you will not wear the clothes she picks for you, that you will wear the clothes that you decide to wear, and that you will no longer tolerate her insults.

    That's a reasonable, understandable, defensible and cogent position. There can be no possible counter-argument. If she tries to resist, simply restate that you will not wear the clothes she picks for you, that you will wear the clothes that you decide to wear, and that you will no longer tolerate her insults. Say nothing else. If she continues to resist, repeat it with a little more force. Not aggression - dominance. Say it again, and again, and again. She will break down completely.

    Then go shopping alone. NOTHING will be better for your self-esteem, and nothing will bite back her sharp and foolish tongue quicker than that.

  • so where's the father in this mess?

    • he doesn't care, doesn't say anything and bows down to my mother...

  • Probably time to get a job, eh?

    • What is this, the 40s? She's in college, man, that's what she's *trying* to do. You don't just get a job anymore.

    • I've been in community college for a while and have held different jobs. It's possible, she just needs to stop being lazy...she failed out of university, probably partying too much

What Girls Said 2

  • You need to tell her to back off. She shouldn't be abusing you verbally that way and if you were to talk back to her she would feel disrespected. You are grown and have the freedom to dress what ever way you would like. She's taking the situation in all wrong. If she wants you to succeed she should be encouraging you not yelling at you making you feel worse. Maybe you should tell your dad or someone you feel close to to talk to her about it.

    • i'm not close to my dad, he's not the type that bonds and loves his kids to death...we are a little bit distant emotionally...he tries, but it's awkward.

    • Any siblings? Close aunt or grandmother?

    • im not close with my little brother or sister, too much age difference, they're still in HS

  • It sounds like she's not doing anything positive for your life. Are you in a position to move out?

    • no, I have no money, no full time job, yet, and no no, I can't really move out