When is looking for MR. RIGHT too much?

Hi its been a while since I wrote here.. I just badly need some straight forward answer. I have been dating a guy for a month now.. He was my high school classmate and after 20yrs, we have found our selves in the same location.. We have been chatting for a while in Facebook and he told me that he looked for me.. To cut it short, he courted me on face book..He was not my type of guy, there where no ooh and aaahhh.. But he was really a nice friend that I can get to chat most of the time , so when we are able to see each other again he actually had dozen roses on his hand, it was really cute but I really didn't feel much attraction.. as days go he courted me even more, bringing me food every day and doing my laundry..He even introduced me to his parents that he said was a really big move for him because he never introduced anyone else.. His mom and sisters where so nice for me and where excited that their son is introducing a girl.. Honestly he makes me feel number one.. I have a doctorate degree and he has an associate degree.. This was an issue at first because he feels intimidated by it, but then he started to build up his confidence little by little because I never made him feel less. But as days go I am realizing certain things.. We do have nice conversations funny and sweet but then when I want to talk intellectually he just kinda lacks a little on that aspect.. I easily get upset on little things he does.. I don't know is it because I am having standard issues or am I uncertain about him.. I am falling fast for him because I know he will take care of me and I will be like his queen, but at the back of my mind I am still hoping for some one better..like my ideal.. Am I being unfair to him? Should I cut this relationship or should I hit my head with a lamp anytime soon? Feed backs men and women tnx!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well when it comes down to it, you'll never meet the perfect guy, because he doesn't exist. You'll never get all of your needs met by one person, the question you need to ask yourself is where can you bend? Do you have friends that you can have those intellectual conversations with? Would that person who maybe had a doctorate degree and would be able to have that conversation, have as much time for you, or put you on a pedestal like he does? If you don't truly love him, then no, it's not fair to him (or if you can't see yourself loving him). If you have honest and true loving feelings for this person and you two get on as well as you say you do, he satifisfies you in many ways, I see no reason why it couldn't work. I hate the term settle, how about compromise? I'm sure there are a few qualities he thought he'd find in his 'ideal' woman, that you don't have, but you're still obviously enough for him or he wouldn't be trying so hard. What can you live with and what can you live without? Don't sell him or yourself short, but don't let a good thing go just because it's not perfect, nothing ever is. One of my best friends is also one of the smartest women I know. Her boyfriend is a lovable and wonderful man but not the most intelligent I've ever met. I asked her once, about this, and her response was, "I don't love him because of his brains, I love him because of his heart." LIke I said, smart girl, nuff said! ;-)

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    • thank you for the response.. I am actually giving this a thought.. , I would never really know if it would work out between us, unless I give it a try. He may not be the most intelligent guy nor well traveled person I have met but he does make me feel special in his own ways. I am learning from this relationship every day... and the last thing I want to do is to hurt him because of my standards.. I always wanted a guy who I can learn things from, but he is actually teaching me how to love:)

What Guys Said 1

  • All I can say is don't settle if you're unhappy.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Do these things really get in the way? How often do they bother you? If it's every once in awhile that you feel like a conversation is lacking, you can always talk to friends or fellow academics who are able to take up the topic with you. I can also guarantee that anyone you date, no matter how close to your ideal, will do things that bother or upset you. The question is how much your happiness balances out any feelings of dissatisfaction or impressions that you're settling - if you feel like he's just a stand-in while you wait for Mr. Perfect, perhaps the best thing to do is be fair and cut the relationship off. But maybe you can also come to terms with what you really want in a relationship and how he makes you feel - you might realize that this is worth it to you.

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