Boyfriend constantly looking/staring at other girls/women?

every time my boyfriend and I go ANYWHERE in public, he scans all the people to see if there's any pretty girls and a lot of times stares at them. I have mentioned to him that it's getting annoying and then he denies it.

Now however, he said too bad, he is going to look at pretty girls/women and doesn't care how I feel basically.

Like sometimes I'll be talking to him and he doesn't even hear what I say because he's looking at some other girl. Sometimes girls that are really young like 13.

Am I off base? I think it's OK to glance at pretty women, I even do that, but to out and out keep staring or keep looking back at them feels disrespectful to me and it hurts my feelings.

I am considered fairly good looking. We've been dating 2 years and he used to say he doesn't need to look at other women because I'm the most beautiful girl in the world.

Has he grown tired of me? Is he fantasizing about them? Does he go talk to them when I'm not with him? Does he want me to break up with him? He has only had 3 other relationships that lasted less than 6 months.

I'm about ready to break up with him over this. I almost think that's what he wants.


UPDATE - Now it comes out that he's attracted to Latino women and thinks they are the prettiest women out there. I'm pretty, but I'm also white. Does this mean he wishes I was Latino? Or is he going to dump ME if he finds a Latino gf? He once said he wished my nipples were dark brown. Why is he even going out with me? He says he loves me, but he's not attractive by any stretch but I WAS attracted to his personality but now I'm thinking he just staying with me until he finds a Latino.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I can understand why you're angry.

    If you really stop and sit down and think about this, he SHOULD be allowed to look at other girls. It's his eyes, it has nothing to do with you and him, and he isn't touching these girls.

    However, in an ideal relationship, he would at LEAST have the mindset to understand you are upset about it and he should pay attention to himself a bit more when he is around you.

    As for your questions:

    1 - I don't know if he's grown tired of you, I would need to know more signs. Looking at other women does not mean you have grown tired of your OWN woman.

    2 - He is most certainly fantasizing about them, he's a guy. In his own private mind, he can get away with anything he WANTS. You bet your ass he will be, as do a lot of guys in relationships in general, hell, women too.

    3 - I don't know if he talks to them, obviously.

    4 - I don't know if he wants you to break up with him either.

    I DO know this though, there's a problem when something legitimately bothers you and you have at least asked him to not do it when he is around you. Quick glances I can understand, but straight up STARING and ignoring what you have to say, that would grate on me in either way.

    Hell, I would really talk to him about it one final time, if he says too bad. It's off.

    • Thanks. He gets really pissed off when I talk to him about it. It is just starting to feel like he doesn't care for me anymore and he's looking for something else. Just seems every relationship starts out great then just goes downhill. Is there anything I can do? I dress nice, I'm pretty, he says I always look great. Don't get it but I can't live like this either.

    • If you've been unreasonable, I would tell you that you are in the wrong. But you're legitimately not, not from what I can see. If he ignores a pretty big issue for you that he can easily change, then I see no reason to be with him. End the suffering.


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What Guys Said 7

  • That is very disrespectful to tell you that. Men do tend to glance and perhaps he was unaware of how you felt, but after that telling you to FO. well them there is fighting words.

    I say Dump and go!

    Good luck

  • I guess he doesn't like you anymore.

  • If he's going pay more attention to other women than the one on his arm your better off leaving him.

  • no, he likes having you on the side

  • yes, it is exactly what he wants, but as long as he can have his cake and eat it too, he will!

  • How is sexual status between you two?

  • "doesn't care how I feel basically. "

    That's a good enough reason to dump a guy.

    He has pretty much said he doesn't care about your feelings. What more of a warning sign do you need?

    • Yea, I kind of just needed someone to confirm this for me. Thanks.

What Girls Said 8

  • Here's my take on this.

    This has very little to do with him staring at other women. There are some women who could handle that without a problem. Personally, I think it is just about the most disrespectful thing you can ever do, from both sides. The thing is though, you could replace his actions with anything, but the point is, he literally doesn't give a rats a** about your feelings.

    This is about character. People with bad character never really take other people's feelings into consideration. They live in a "Me, me, me" world, tend to be very selfish and really lack the maturity level to understand what it takes to be in a relationship.

    Loving someone sometimes means doing things you don't like and also means to "stop" doing some things you do like. It's about compromise and consideration, and although he may love you, his actions and thought process says, I don't love you "enough" to change my disrespectful behavior. Either live with it or leave.

    In essence, he's already told you exactly who he is. It is now your responsibility to listen and hear what he is saying. The question is, are you willing to stay with someone who makes you feel like crap every time you leave the house? Consider the damage he's already doing. You're wondering, is it that I'm not good enough? Am I not pretty enough? Am I not fulfilling something for him? And will he eventually find what he's looking for in someone else? These are the same kind of thoughts women who are in mentally and emotionally abusive relationships have, and yes, I think you are experience on some level, emotional abuse.

    If you're not sure what to do, ask yourself these questions...

    1. Does my boyfriend make me feel beautiful always?

    2. Do I feel secure in our relationship?

    3. Does he go out of his way to make me happy?

    4. Do I have reasons to doubt his loyalty and intentions?

    5. Am I better, happier person with him today...everyday?

    If your answer isn't yes to ALL of these questions, then you need to seriously start looking for the exit. He may very well love you, but it's all pointless if he makes you doubt that through his actions. It's easy to say things, but actions, prove words true or false. He's proven himself to be a false person.

    He will not change, and he's told you that. So at this point, there's no reason to pontificate and freak out about anything. It's time to make a decision. Either you stay with him and continue to allow his actions to wreak havoc on your self esteem (and if you choose this option it says more about your self-worth than him) or you can free yourself from this constant negativity and leave that space open for someone who will not only "say" he loves you, but will "show" it, by never making you doubt your worth.

    I wish you luck in love...what you have now, is far from that.

    • I'm not really sure why you're still with him. If the man you're with makes you feel insecure, he doesn't deserve you. This is a form of emotional abuse. Don't allow him to strip you of any shred of self-esteem you have left.

  • I dated a guy like this. And it annoyed me horribly. At first I pretended not to notice. I figured he was insecure so he wanted to in return play on any insecurities I had to make me feel little so I would stay with him. So I did the exact opposite and left him.

    It is not only rude it made me look like I had no respect for myself. To be with a man who could not stop checking out other woman? I know guys like to look at beautiful women. One might catch his eye once and awhile. Understood. But there is a fine line, and he crossed it. The next time I saw him check out another woman and I saw the woman flirt back behind my back, I asked the whore for her number. I said my ex was interested. I gave him the number and dumped him at the same time. Let them have each other, They seem to deserve each other. Don't you think? I think he was an idiot. Idiot just isn't my thing, you know? Nothing sexy about 'idiot' to me. But that's just me.

  • He sounds like a f***ing d***head why are you with him.hes straight up disrespectful! I understand guys can't help but check out pretty girls even those in a relationship. But there's a line you don't cross. When he's with you in piblic he shouldn't look at other women intensely he should be focused on you because your the one he cares abt. A glance or two is fine but to stare down another women in your presence is a plain "I don't give a sh*t attitude" he's adopted. He sounds like he's controlling. He also sounds strange why is he checking out young girls as well, deep down you know there's something fishy about that since you mentioned it here. Do you even know who he is? I know you have been dating for a long time but do you seriously know your man?

    Now everyone on here seems to agree that you need to dump this guy but your not exactly dumping him. Which tells me you also have a problem, don't you love yourself enough to recognise he's waste and he's hurting you, so you need to leave him.

    Girl you need sort yourself out start by removing him and then proceed working on yourself.

    Good luck!

  • Oh don't waste so much energy on this type of guys at all, just dumb him, you don't want to get headache.

    • Usually when I guy other women he is not being sincere about or is he being respectful to your feelings...No women wants her man to admire other women. We know they do but please respect my existence...I would yourself some heartache and let him kick rocks...

    • Yea, he doesn't respect her at all. Not because he is a guy then he can look at others. You know my professor who gives me biology lectures is married. His wife is also a biology professor. He doesn't look at other girls at all, he is just satisfied with what he has, she is an average woman but he treats her very good in her presents and even when she is not around, he doesn't look at other younger girls at all, nor flirt with them even though they tried to make him flirts with them.

    • It is not OK to look at other women AT ALL.

  • In response to your update, you asked this question a month should have dumped him a month ago. Nothing has gotten better, in fact they're worse.he has no regard for you and he's acting like you can either let him continue to make you feel bad about yourself, or you can dump his ugly loser ass and move on.better late than never

  • DUMP HIM he is a loser.

  • Dump his ass and look for other guys right in front of him. Start acting like a bitch and like you're single.have no regard for his feelings since he has none for yours

  • Of course just because he is in a relationship doesn't mean pretty girls don't exist but he sounds disrespectful by saying too bad. The fact that he stares at them shows that he wants to have hours cake and eat it too. He is acting like a single man socially. I don't know it sounds as if he is looking for a girlfriend when he has one. 13 years old? Wow he sounds like a pervert. I think you should break up with him but I have an uncanny feeling that you won't because you love him and it seems like you won't let go. I think you should talk to a relationship counselor

    • We actually have an appt with a couples counselor on Monday. I called the counselor to set up the meeting and he asked me what the problem was. He wanted to make sure it was something that he thought he could help with. When I told him the problem, he said he has a of experience with this and can help. I just can't help but think that my boyfriend will argue with him and will continue looking at women. But I guess I'll try. Worst case, I will end up breaking up with him.

    • do not waste a dime on him let him ...KICK ROCKS

    • @QA I know you may feel that you think that by him looking at other women that you don't look good enough. But that is not true. Its his fault he can't appreciate having a gorlfriend who loves him for who he is. He may look at those other girls and whether he is staring on purpise to hurt your feelings or not those other girls will never want to love him. Or love the real him. And it really makes him look line a pervert for checking out little girls. I bet he would hate it if men stared at you a