My fiance doesn't want me to get a tattoo, what should I do?

My brother was murdered 2 years ago and since then, I have been planning on getting a memorial tattoo in remembrance of him. I also am a recovering cutter, and want to get some writing near (not over) my scars. I finally have come up with exactly what I want, only to find out that my fiance doesn't want me to get any tattoos. He says they're unattractive. I love tattoos and don't currently have any, because I only want to get a few that will really mean a lot to me. I've tried negotiating with him but he seems to be set on it and just says "but I don't like them, they're really unattractive and meaningless".

Should I get them anyway and hope he will learn to accept them? Or should I just forget it, even though it would mean so much to me and I've been planning on it for so long?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • A tattoo is forever, and hopefully so is your future marriage. But if he is against them, you might take that as a sign that you guys might not be lifetime compatible. It really isn't about the tattoo, but about the difference in your likes and dislikes. I am guessing this is not the only area you clash in. If you think you want to keep the relationship, you can have the tattoo drawn up as pen and ink and have it framed and hang it on the wall, and have the tribute to your brother.

    There might be a bigger issue to consider. Do you want to be married to a guy who tells you what to do? Marriages are not as easy as Hollywood makes them appear in those "happy ever after" films. Fewer than half make it for a lifetime, and some of them last only because they are stuck with each other for whatever reason. The important thing is to talk about everything with your finance, and make sure he knows all of your reasons, and if he still agrees, decide which you want more, your way or your life with him.

    Good Luck,

    James

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    • This guy has a great answer. Also I think you can get a smaller tatoo. I mean I personally find tatoos unattractive, but because your brother was murdered and that's extremely important, I wouldn't forgo it. It will be easier for him to accept a smaller tatoo.

    • Good answer and get that tattoo, at the end of the day, if my boyfriend turned round and wouldn't let me get a tattoo or any more piercings (which won't happen) I'll tell him where to go.

What Guys Said 27

  • Personally I'm not a fan of tatoos, but in your case you're not getting a tatoo just for the sake of getting a tatoo, it has a deep meaning behind it, it's a way to remember your brother and a way to keep you away from the blades.

    If I were you're fiance, I wouldn't have any problems with it and neither should he. You should try pleading your case to him a bit more, if he's still not going for it you really need to think about what you're walking into, if he's like this now, what will he be like with other things? In a relationship you have to meet your partner half way (or on occasion two thirds of the way) but he's not even doing that, he's just saying "I don't want them, deal with it".

    I'm not saying he's a bad person but he's definitly not being husband material here. If you want to get them, let him know and if he doesn't become open-minded, let him know that you're getting them THEN get them, whatever happens happens and you'll be better off in the long run anyway.

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  • For some people a tattoo is like a scar or large mole that they cannot help but focus their attention on. So (possibly) your boyfriend is concerned that your tattoo will be a distraction from what he wants to see: you.

    Say he thinks you have really nice legs, and he loves to look at them. Then you get a tattoo around your ankle. Now, whenever he sees you legs and the tattoo is exposed his eyes are drawn to it, distracting him from what he really wants to see.

    Or he may just think that tattoos are a pain to remove and does not want you to have to go through the removal process should you not like it or it turns out wrong.

    Regardless, you might have to decide which is more important: Expressing yourself in your skin (and dealing with his, rather selfish, displeasure) or show care for how he likes the way you look (and possibly find another way to express the feelings you have regarding your cutting and your brother). Hopefully you guys can figure out something to make you both happy... does he have issues with piercings? Maybe you can get one inscribed with your brother's name.

    I dunno, it reminds me of guys who flip out when their wife/girlfriend cuts their hair. Is he a control freak?

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  • "he just says "but I don't like them, they're really unattractive and meaningless". "

    Well its not meaningless to you, have you tried explaining to him about your brother and how important this is to you?

    I think he needs to comprimise. Its not like you're tatooing your face or anything, then I could understand him being so stubborn.

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  • I would ask yourself why it is so meaningful and important to you. Is there something else you could do that would have the same significance for you? why do you have to show it in a tattoo? I dunno, I am one of those guys who really doesn't like tattoos either so I don't get it. why not express it some other way. when people show me cool tattoos, I am thinking, yeah that is cool, but why didn't you just get an awesome painting of it and hang it up on your wall?

    I mean if somehow the only way for you to feel okay about it is to get the tattoo, then by all means go ahead, but I would really think deeply about why it has to be a tattoo before you do it. only then does it really makes sense to get. you likely have this idea from other people that when you have this really important thing to remember the perfect way is to get a tattoo, but I think there are other better ways.

    I wouldn't leave a girl I realy liked or loved if she got one, but I would always hate it and find it ugly. If I find out a girl has one it bothers me and I find her less attractive.

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  • Imagine you got a tattoo in the 70's (assuming you were that old) and imagine how out of style it would be now and how faded and stretched it would get.

    Imagine that you had to wear the same hairstyle forever but it got frizzy and turned grey over time.

    Would you feel different about a tattoo?

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  • Be careful...Tattoos are addicting and if your recoverd from cutting this may end up being an alternative to that. I think a tattoo can mean something special but at the same time, you don't need that to remember your brother. As long as you continually think about him and his life, he can live on in your memories. You don't need a tatoo to do that. I myself think tatoos are a waste of money.

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  • if you love him don't because it can be a huge turn off and he won't be interested in you, I love my girls tattoo free despite I have one. Its a huge turn off. Its unfair but if he's unhappy with it then there's nothing you can do, I'm a recovering cutter to and I had over 1500 scars by my own hands. I lived a long tired some life of to many females lies and my real folks dying and my step folks doing sh*t to me. A tattoo isn't everything. If you care about him and want him to find you attractive you shouldnt get one

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    • Yeah but if she feels like it then she should do it!

      Its her way of dealing a death and its her right :) Her husband then its 2 controling..its her body she does whatever she wants

  • It's your body, you get automatic final rights to decide what to do with it.

    That said, personally I also think tattoos are a turn-off, so I can understand your fiance's position too. But marriage is a long-term arrangement, so if there's nothing forcing you to get it done immediately, then talk. You might look around together to see if you can find any examples of tattoos that he does think look good. Give him time to get used to it before you take action. There are so many trashy-looking tattoos out there that it's easy to wind up thinking of them all like that. Then thinking of it in that way, he reacts in horror to imagine his fiancee wanting to "trash-out" her appearance for the rest of your lives together.

    If you can show him the sorts of designs you're considering, let him get used to the idea that some tattoos can actually look good, and also let him feel he's been part of the decision-making process, that should go a long way toward helping him accept it. After all, he's going to be staring at it for the next fifty years...

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  • its very upsetting to a guy to see the woman he loves with a tattoo with another man's name on her body, reguardless of the position.

    what if the roles were reversed? what if your lover got a tatoo with his sister's name on it?

    CREEPY!...thoughts on incest just went into my mind just from typing this.

    find another way to honor your brother. wear a necklace with a picture of him in it.

    its just good practice to avoid tattoos with names on them. the only exception to the rule is children, I know a mother who has little heart tattoos on her arm with her children's names on em, but you have to squint to see the writing. tasteful and discrete. and the only time you notice em is if she is wearning something sleaveless.

    as for tattoos to cover scars, try a thorny rose with a long stem along the scar.

    if you were a guy, I'd say go with a tribal tattoo.

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    • You are something else...telling someone to get a meaningless tattoo like tribal

      Her tattoo holds meaning, that's what its all about, its not about putting ink on your skin its the significance in which that symbol represents. Your so far off its mind boggling, my brother just got a tattoo of our family dog who got hit by a car, so is that beastiality? Give your head a shake.

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    • Regardless of what she decides to do ITS HER CHOICE that's what I'm getting at, and whatever she does it will be special because SHE thought it up. She said her brother was into tattoo's so its like almost bonding with him after death, how can you not grasp that concept. And why would you go look at my profile after I answered a question...THATS kind of creepy my friend.

    • Quantum, you're out of line. a memorial tattoo is a great way to always remember your loved ones...the pain of a tattoo in and of itself is a physical release of sorrow. honestly, if it reminds you of incest, you need to check yourself. the mother with her children's names in hearts, does that make you think of child molestation? honestly, such a weak argument and moot point. the girl can get a tattoo of anything she wants, and kudos for wanting it to be meaningful.

  • No. When you get married, nothing is 100% yours anymore, including your own body (or his). If you are not comfortable with this arrangement, don't get married. If my fiancee got a tattoo over my vocal objections, I would immediately call off the wedding.

    Most girls would intrepret this as some form of male patriarchy crap or that your future husband is controlling you. Many will probably give you some girl power talk about how it's your body and your choice and he just has to deal with it. This, my young friend, is why the divorce rate is what it is today. Marriage is about compromise.

    If your future husband is adamantly opposed to a tattoo then it means he's as emotionally vested in you not having a tattoo as you are in having one. Don't fall into the trap of discounting his objections as silly or devaluing them. Most girls are not aware how important a man's wife is to his sense of worth. We don't really talk about it much, but we, as men, strongly judge other men by the quality of his wife. If a man's wife is a 10, he's a winner. If a man's wife is a fatty, he's a failure. Most men would consider tattoos on a man's wife as a downer. I know I would, because I agreee with him. Tattoos are meaningless and unattractive. You don't need some kind of tributary drawing on your body to remember your brother. Not only that, but your future husband is going to see your tattoo as much or more than you will, and it's permanent. If you hang an ugly painting that he hates in the dining room, he can take it down, or not go in the dining room. If you paint an ugly tattoo on your body, he has to look at it every single time he has sex with you. Do you really want him staring at something he hates? More damning still is the fact that every time he sees it he will be reminded about how you ignored his opinion on the subject and did your own thing. That will do wonders for your relationship.

    Regardless, once you start treating his opinions as less important than yours for no other reason than they differ than yours, you don't have a marriage anymore. Don't start down that path before you've even said "I do!"

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  • My first response was "It's your body, you should do what you want with it!" that said I've always thought tattoos are kind of gross and trashy; but a memorial for a lost family member is very sweet and if he cares he ought to be sensitive to your need to mourn. If he's really that important to you try to find a nice way for remembrance that is not a tattoo. Maybe plant a tree? I did that once; but it sounds to me like maybe this isn't the right guy for you, however only you know enough to make that choice. Be careful.

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  • If this is something that you feel will honor your brother, and bring closure to a part of your past, then I personally don't see anything wrong with it.

    With that said, I suppose it depends on where you're getting it done. If it's something huge and in a very obvious place, I would probably understand some hesitation on his part - a large tattoo on your chest for example. Were it to go somewhere less revealing, maybe he would have a better time with it.

    Ultimately, in the end, it's your body, and your decision. And any man who loves you enough to marry you would (hopefully) understand that.

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  • I understand how getting a tattoo will help you remember him. But your brother wouldn't want you to get a tattoo for him, he'd rather you live your life to the fullest and live every as if it were your last. My aunt was murdered and both my bro and sis got tattoo's, so it's not like I don't know the pain you're going through. If you want a tattoo, it's definitely understandable. But both you and your fiance need to sit down and talk about it. But getting one and hoping he will accept it isn't smart. You can't plan on a marriage that is based off those thoughts. If you're getting married, then it's all about the other person. Yes he should be receptive to your needs. But it's been 2 years. You can't keep living in the past. No, you don't want to forget him. But instead of feeling sorry and sad for him, do what he'd want you to do, and live your life to the fullest.

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  • f*** him. done. be nice about it and know that it is what you truly want but explain its up to him if he's with you on this but it is something you're doing. and then go do it. you own your body. some may loan it but you own it. and there really is noting more to say than that. bless your heart for the rememberence of your brother, sorry for your loss and be careful with the cutting side of things. good idea to get expert advise on that side of things. my ex has like 6 tats and I was never into tats personally but I was in to her and whilst I believe a person couldgo over board she was sexy as hell and it just worked because it was her thing. and she was being real to who she was. small is just as good as big tho, think of those lockets people used to wear to loved ones. they were tiny but so poigniant. ultimately tho its your body and being true to you outweighs his prejudices.

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  • It's your body. For him to say anything along the lines of what he did was uncalled for - I don't know the situation leading up to the discussion - but let him think what he will - you have a noble reason for getting them - do what you want to.

    Kudos!

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  • ask him one simple question "if I get it are you going to leave?" if he says yes he's too controling(better off finding out now) if no get a temp of what you want and show it off to him and then have a discuion about it (ps don't tell him its a temp right away )

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    • I agree...but come on..its your brother...!!!

      And its your body..u do whatever you want to!

  • "I also am a recovering cutter"

    Don't do it: tattos are in the same line of thought as cutting.

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  • Find a new man to marry. A nice guy covered in tattoo's who will love you, your ink, and slicing you up on special occasions if that's what your into! - I hope this helps. - j

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  • my advice is don't

    but it's up to you reaslly.

    tattoos are really ugly and can cause health problems too!

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  • sounds like your boyfriend is a big baby

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  • Do what you want to do with your life and if your fiance does not accept it, then he shouldn't be your fiance.

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    • Come on now. Relationships are give and take. You can't do everything you want all the time. You need to compromise.

    • It's your body. I'd say you should be able to do with it whatever you want.

  • Don't get it, tatoos are ugly, you can't get rid of them and they make you look cheap. Fu ck tatoos.

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  • Well if it's for your brother then it's probably not meaningless. Just talk to him about it. And get it in bright shiny colors so it's not ugly

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  • What I think , is that you try to compermise on the placing. that's usually the biggest issue. Tattoos to speak out trashy now and then, but it seems to me you have a very good reason to get one. and if it means something to you then it does matter.

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  • i don't understand how a memorial tattoo of your brother is meaningless

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  • Why would you put a tattoo over a scar. Wouldn't that just bring attention to it?

    I like the cute tattoos. You know the lady bug on the ankle, etc. But a memorial tattoo for your fallen brother. I would keep the memories on paper / pictures and on tombstones. Not on your body. To me a tattoo sounds a little over the top.

    If my wife got a tattoo over my strong objections, it would make me angry, I don't know that I would break up with her over it, but it would make me feel like I was insignificant to her. Is that how you want to start a marriage?

    I would talk about it with him. Talk about what it means to you. The feelings that it brings up for you. Maybe there is something else that you can do besides a tattoo. Maybe another type of memorial.

    I would also challenge you to think about why you want a tattoo that covers a spot where you cut? Especially a tattoo that would draw attention to that spot. Cutters generally do so because they want the attention not because they want to commit suicide. Are you getting the tattoo because you want to cover up the past or because you want to bring attention to it?

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  • Dont get em anyway just like that... make sure he knows you're getting it. but like the girls said, talk to him abvout it further. he doesn't see how significant this tatoo is to you. and I alos agree with him, tatoos are kind of unattractive depending on the person, and you don't look like the type who would (no offence) but being tatooless is just so .. pure or innocent or not a rapper I don't know, mmaybe he sees it that way

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What Girls Said 50

  • He might find them unattractive, but he can't sympathize and understand WHY you want those tattoos? He actually calls your tat ideas meaningless? This p*sses me off, probably because of my refusal to feel controlled and to accept anyone who feels like they can have that control over me. But he needs to respect the things that are important to you. There's nothing 'meaningless' about a memorial tattoo. He's being selfish. It would make YOU feel better to have those tattoos because of what they mean to you, and he doesn't want them on your body because HE isn't attracted to them. I don't think that's fair or logical. He refuses to come to any kind of agreement of compromise, and that's not something that's going to work out in a marriage. I don't think you should get them done behind his back, but I think you two need to have a long talk about each of your opinions and come to a conclusion that will please both of you. He needs to work on hearing you out and getting rid of his 'my-way-or-the-highway' attitude.

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  • I think its your body, you do whatever you want with it. Your fiancé may or may not be in your life forever, but you will have your body till the day you die.

    I think tattoos are beautiful, and expression of ones individual self, its like displaying story's of your life, accomplishments and challenges for all to see.

    (That's of course if people get them for the right reasons, and not just because they think it would look "cool")

    But most of all I think getting tattoos to memorialize someone special to you is a beautiful and special way you can show the world how much of an importance this person was to you, its almost like giving that person you lost their last gift.

    I think its completely unfair and cruel that your fiancé refuses to understand that, regardless of how he feels about tattoo's, its seems like he's really controlling.

    I would do it, its your life, your brother, your body, wear that ink proud doll.

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    • I love how someone gave you a negative vote for this. That's rude. I completely agree with you though.

  • i think the memorial to your brother is nice, but would your brother appreciate that sort of memorial? take that into account. if he wasn't the tattoo type, then maybe it's isn't the right way to do it...and you can make it something pretty, incorporate things your brother loved into it and make it beautiful, it doesn't need to be crying angels and crucifixes, which is what I think most people think of when it comes to memorials. the cutting thing, I don't know if you want to get something like that because it's not something that everyone should know about...people are going to ask what that tattoo means to you and what are you going to say? it's to remind you of how good life is compared to when I used to harm myself?

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    • My brother was a troubled person. I guess you could say he was a gangster ha. He had a lot of tattoos and also did tattoos himself. His nickname was Playboy. I want a small playboy bunny with angel wings on the inside of my left wrist, with his initial underneath. I don't want it to be big.

      I stopped cutting when I found out I was pregnant. I'm now 6 months preggo, (of course I wouldn't get the tattoos until after she is born) but I want the words "you are my strength" in that area, reffering

  • I think it's important that you have been planning this for so long and that it means something to you. I would personally like your tattoos, but I don't lik my boyfriend's tattoo because it is meaningless in my opinion. It says the name of the apartment complex he used to live in and has the initials of his high school friends on it. Some of these friends don't even see each other anymore, and they either want to get them removed, or got a lot of other "meaningless" tattoos. I would think it was totally awesome if he wanted to fade it out, but he doesn't, and so I'm just going to have to live with it. It's on his leg, and you really never see it, especially in the winter time. I think if you got it in a place your boyfriend doesn't look at a whole lot, he would get used to it, but I don't want my boyfriend getting any more tattoos anyway. Your fiance might be looking at it as another mutilation of your body, but to you it is a mark that really means something and so it's different. Tattoos are making your body into something to be read. He might just like the whole package he already sees. Your body isn't everything.

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  • This sounds like the perfect reason to get a tattoo and I completely understand why you want it. It sounds like it means a lot to you and therefore you should go for it. Your boyfriend should understand what a terrible thing that must have been to happen and should support you however you want to memorialize your brother. This tattoo is so far from meaningless I can't believe people are saying they are meaningless and unattractive. They're basically telling you their opinion on tattoos in general, not answering this specific question. A bond between yourself and a sibling will usually mean more than you and a boyfriend. Do what you feel in your heart is right and let others deal with it.

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  • Tattoos are not meaningless unless you chose them to be. You're fiance should be more understanding. It is not wrong of him to not like them or to express his dislike for them but it is your choice and it seems like something you have thought about for a while and truly want.

    You don't need to get a tattoo to honour your brothers memory but if that is what you have chosen then you should go for it.

    If your fiance loves you and wants to marry you a tattoo shouldn't be a make or break as long as it's not HUGE and covering most of your body, which could pose a problem.

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  • honey, get the tattoo. I'm sure you'll find that sitting through the pain of getting some ink is a physical release of inner pain, and the lasting scar is a great way to treasure a memory. just consider these tips from a fellow ink-loving girl.

    -consider using white or UV-blacklight ink instead of black in conspicuous areas...i wish I had thought of this when I got one on my forearm. even if only for your future career, this is a really good idea (and blacklight ink is sick as hell! carry a little blacklight-flashlight on your keychain to show people).

    -while you shouldn't "obey" your fiance (it's 2009, not 1812), do keep his concerns in mind. embrace your femininity with the shape and style of your tattoo. perhaps highlight the delicate areas of your body, like behind your ears or back of neck, small of your back or your foot. use a fragile script instead of blockish letters. and with a memorial tattoo, avoid sexual areas like the hip, stomach, or lower back.

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  • Tell him how important that is to you. If it's not something that you're just getting because it's trendy, but something you REALLY care about...that is not something you are likely to ever regret getting. I understand about being an ex-cutter... I got a really personal piece about a year ago and I think it's a much healthier quasi-alternative. I hope your fiancée understands, but ultimately, it's your body. If he really loves you, he might not like it, but he shouldn't stop you from getting it. <3

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  • I have one tattoo and my husband loves it, but I'm getting ready to get another that he's not gonna like. He knows I'm getting one, but doesn't know what yet. But I know him well enough to know he won't like it. But I told him I'm doing it anyways. It's my body, and it won't change who I am.

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  • It seems like your fiance doesn't understand the importance of it to you, especially with calling them meaningless. Every tattoo on my body has a meaning (including one dedicated to my best friend who passed a few years ago). The guys I've dated don't care. Sure most don't have tattoos and wouldn't get one themselves, but they know it's my body, not theirs. And for the guy who said it's weird to see another guys name on their girl...um, every guy I've dated has been comfortable with themselves enough to not get freaked out by my tattoo dedicated to my best friend. And thoughts about incest? Wow, that's interesting to come up with Freud.

    I say talk to him more. If he become a real jerk about it he needs to know it's your body. The tattoo dedication and the ones you want near your scars. You being a recovering cutter is a big step forward in your life and if that's how you want to express it so be it. He needs to be supportive of that. In a relationship it goes both ways, not just "I want, I want, I want" and putting you down in a sense by calling something you want dearly as unattractive and meaningless.

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  • if he REALLY loves you, meaning he accepts you for your perfections AND your flaws (which would be a tattoo in his eyes), then he'll be p*ssed if you get it but love you anyways.if he leaves you because you got a tattoo, he was a waste of time in the first place.i don't mean to sound harsh and I'm sorry if I came off that way I just mean that, if a guy is saying he loves you enough to spend the rest of his life with you, that SHOULD be him saying, "i'll love you no matter what you do and what you don't do." my ex fiance didn't want me to get my nipples pierced.i got them done anyways after careful consideration and a lot of research.well, he honestly didn't care.he thought they'd bother him but they didn't.he didn't call the wedding off because of the piercings.i did and because of other reasons.your fiance should accept you for who you are no matter what you look like.

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  • It is your body and even though your going to marry the guy he still has no right to dictate what you do with it. If the only reasons for him not to get it is because they are meaningless then he is being selfish. You have put careful planning and time into your decision and a memorial tattoo for your late brother is nothing that is harmful. He should more understanding of that.

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  • Whoa whoa whoaaaa. It's not like you're getting a butterfly on your lower back! It's a memorial for your brother (my condolences)! You deserve to do that and I'm the same way with only getting something that means something. You should be able to do what you want with your own body, especially something that's that meaningful.

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  • Your boyfriend must not understand how important this is to you, since he says tattoos are meaningless. They may be meaningless to him, but it sounds to me like they're extremely significant to you. Maybe you really need to sit down and explain to him that those are two very important things that have happened in your life, things that you have had to overcome and accept. These things are a part of you and you wouldn't be who you are, the person who he fell in love with, if they hadn't happened.

    I can also see his side, in that you were tattoo free when you met and it can make a difference to some people as far as attractiveness. Maybe the two of you can come up with a compromise...maybe make the tattoos a little smaller than you planned, or put them in places where they won't be as likely to be seen.

    Best of luck! :)

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    • I just wanted to add, that I think the tattoos that you have chosen sound absolutely beautiful.

  • I think it's sweet of you to consult your boyfriend before making a change to your appearance like that! Normally I'd say forget it since he made it clear he doesn't like them, but since this is a sentimental thing with your brother, that's really not his business. Tell him that you respect and love him but you have decided that this is something you really have to do. Then do it.

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  • do what makes you happy, I know I personally have five tattoo's and people in my life were opposed to every one of them that I got, but I went with what made me happy

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  • I can understand that your fiance has his feelings on tattoos, but they're on your body... and more importantly, you have a wonderful reason to get one. I disagree with people who get a tattoo just out of boredom (butterfly, hibiscus, the list goes on and on.) If you've thought it through, and your fiance knows what your reasons are, I think it's very unfair of him to say they are "meaningless". Love means accepting someone- imperfections, tattoos, piercings, crazy hair (or lack thereof), and all.

    If he can't deal, maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Honor your brother, and honor your past. I think it's a wonderful idea.

    Now, if the tattoo would be totally visible with everyday work clothes, it may make it a challenge to get certain jobs, or cause a stir with family. But I'm sure you can work around it.

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  • It's your body so I would do as you want to do but tell him this. Let him know that this is what you really want and that you didn't want to go behind his back and do it. Do you know where you are going to get these tattoos?

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    • I want the memorial on my left wrist, and the writing (small) on my right forearm.

    • That's not bad. However, just remember that tattoos do change over time so if you get anything too small it will become distorted. Also, I would get them somewhere you can cover them up should you need to (job interviews). I have 9 and all can be concealed. Tattoos are for you. I am so happy that you have thought long and hard about what you want and where. I don't believe in getting tattoos because they are "cute". I have a memorial of my sister on me and I wouldn't change it for the world.

  • your body, sweetheart. if he dumps you for a tattoo, that's ridiculous. drugs or something I can understand, but a piece of meaningful art after all you've been through? - that's something he should be encouraging you to get. he's disregarding your feelings, so why are you so worried about his? post of a pic of your tattoo WHEN you get it ;)

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  • well yours certainly isn't meaningless... hun... they may not mean anything to him.. but they are obviously important to you... I think that if he loves you... hell get over it... explain to him what you just explained to us... I think that getting one in memorial of your brother is a wonderful idea... gone but not forgotten... I'm a firefighter and I got one to honor my 343 brothers that fell during 9/11... just get it... I think that if it means a lot to you... it should mean a lot to him that its important to you... I say get it! INK IT UP girl!

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  • It's your body. Do what you want. You should talk to your Boyfriend and see if it's something he can live with. Even if he doesn't like it can he deal with it? Will he leave if you get it? Decide what is more important.

    I'll tell you this though, when you want a tattoo the urge to get it never goes away. Once you want one you want one and I don't know anyone who has changed their mind. And not getting it because of you Boyfriend will make you want it even more. I guess you'll just have to tell your man how you feel. Tell him it's something you want, and something you are going to do, and it would really please you if he could get on board with it.

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  • Well..answer me some questions.

    What century is this?

    Are women still oppressed and neglected?

    Are we lesser than men?

    I think not!

    Do what you really want to do.

    And, I don't even have to tell you that if he loves you, he won't mind that much, and he'll love you still...

    Hope I Helped!

    *StillWater*

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  • I think you should get one. I mean, it's something special to you, and the memorial is important to you, and he should respect that. He also shouldn't have any control over what you want on your own body. I think he will accept it after you get it because he should love you and respect who you are and what you want to do.

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  • A tattoo is for you, not for your fiance. It's something personal and meaningful for yourself, and other peoples opinions shouldn't affect your decision. Unless it was something crazy and meaningless, then I would say you should take his opinion into consideration, but since its something personal to you, no. If you want it, get it.

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  • "but I don't like them, they're really unattractive and meaningless".

    PPFT... Sorry. I think that was completely insensitive and idiotic. The ones you have come up with have a LOT of meaning, and the unattractive bit is his personal opinion. (I love my tattoo!)

    It's your choice hun. If he can't 'let' you do it without a huge fight, then it's his loss, not yours.

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  • All right, I think I have solved this for you! You know how 'cutters' usually hide their scars in shame? Well since you do Ít for attention and make sure your sleeve is up just enough to show the world that your a "sad sally," I think you should just carve ur bros memorial into ur arm. See then you've saved some money and found a loophole since your pathetic attention seeking "fake" cutter attitude doesn't seem to bother the fool, right?! You obviously have some deep-seeded issues, but don't pretend to be a cutter, go to therapy and stop being a mental case poser

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  • I know where you're coming from-my boyfriend is completely against me getting any more piercings (currently I only have my ears pierced once) He said that he loves me just as I am, and that I don't need any more holes...the only difference is that if I really wanted it, he said that he would be okay with it...he just doesn't want me to. I don't know why your guy won't respect what you want, but I say...find a guy who does.

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  • Don't get one! You can do something to memorialize your brother without putting it on your body. You are young now but do you really want to be in your 40's and 50's all inked up? If you just have to have one please put it somewhere no one can see it when you wear a tank top, shorts, or anything else that could hurt you when getting a job.

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  • Your a grown woman and he is not your boss. If you want a tattoo go get one, but I would suggest telling your fiance however remember it's your choic weither you get one or not.

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  • look, he can't control your descision. let him know that this is important to you and that they aren't meaningless because they are supposedto remind you of how good of a person your brother was. and even though he doesn't want you to, I think you should do it. but tell him that you don't want to disobey him, but its your choice and your body.

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