Is it best I stopped putting effort in this girl?

She never initiated anything with me; in fact I usually had a hard time getting her to even look at me when we were passing by each other. It was always me coming up to her, me texting her, me acting happy to see her. It was very easy to make her laugh and she seemed to enjoy herself; but she NEVER initiated, never came up and talked to me on her own. the last straw was when I wished her happy birthday in person (because I remembered from when she told me when it was) and that didn't cause her to start initiating.

So I stopped doing it. Even though she's quiet and shy, I've seen her initiate with other people. After about a week of stopping, she smiled at me a couple times when I walked by; I smiled back, but didn't stop to talk. Since she's so good-looking, she can talk to anyone if she wants (I've seen her talk to other guys on her own, make her own effort).

Is it a good thing I stopped putting so much effort into her? it's going on 3 weeks now that we haven't talked.


Most Helpful Girl

  • It's quite possible that she liked you. I find some similarities in her behavoir as with my behavoir. I find talking to guys who are freinds or I don't like quite easy, but when it comes to a guy I like, I don't know what to do. Often times I hope that he will start the conversations. I have started initiating with this guy I like, but I have to plan it out and it's difficult and I find myself stuttering. She could have liked you and just been really shy about it and didn't know what to do. But I don't know. If you like her, you should talk to her. Make her feel comfortable around her, and eventually she will start initiating something on her own.


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What Girls Said 1

  • well it depends how did she act differently with you


What Guys Said 3

  • That's not a good thing. She'll just end up with another guy.

    It's only right that you initiate everything 'cause you're the guy. If you really want to be in a relationship, you need to put everything wholeheartedly into making her fall for your charms.

    • okay, but I've been putting effort and getting very little reciprocation. Other guys put no effort and get her to invest in them. It seems like a poor use of my time.

    • It's only thinkable that if you stop now, those guys will get her.

    • but I guess the point is...should I even think about getting her? Have I reached the point where the effort is not making it worth it? I can't imagine any relationship starting with a guy putting so much one-sided effort in getting the girl.

  • On this point I can't tell if you should stop or not

    You say she initiates with other guys but not with you. Are they her long time friends or friends from her girl friend friends so that she is not shy towards these men?

    Because if she is really shy you should push things forward and just ask her out and if that doesn't work well you tried

    Infact that should be the best thing to do then just giving up completly. What do you have to lose? Then you have your answer to this question too

    • a couple of them are long-time friends, but a couple of them are just random guys who she sees around a couple times and they don't have to put any effort in.

    • Yeh then giving up is the best thing to do

      Shes not very exited and sees you as a friend if that is happening

  • Yes, it's a really great thing. Focus on your life, you've got priorities, work, study, friends, family, the gym. Go date other girls.