Disqualifying yourself before first contact, any advice?

So I was getting inside bus today, and there she was. A beautiful girl. A 10 as some people would say... I was standing near her and I could see she looked at me a few times, but I didn't even bother to look. It's like I disqualified myself for her, even if we haven't spoken a single word to each other... Deep inside I was thinking that I wouldn't have a chance with her. And I know that they are just girls, like any other and that most of them are looking for a normal guy, but I just have that picture of a perfect guy in my head. He looks perfect, he's rich, etc... Blame it on magazines or other media today, but anyway I would like to stop disqualifying myself right off the bat,and change my mindset. Any advice?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Say hello next time and ask her if she has a favorite cafe or restaurant in the area. I've been around celebs and models a lot as a fashion photographer and working in entertainment. Attractive women can be all types of personalities. Genuine interest and confidence is often what they like the most. It also helps if you can practice not bothering with intimidation with anyone. Be aware that it is polite to not monopolize a conversation no matter to whom you are talking. Let them respond and talk about topics of mutual interest. It's always a surprise to most people how easy it is to find an new interesting friend who is a "10".

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What Girls Said 3

  • Not every girls idea of a "perfect man" has to do with him being rich or

    Having a nice car. Some girls just want a guy that can appreciate the things

    We do for them & show us affection as well. Also a girl does look for confidence

    In a guy. Just like guys don't really like insecure girls. Girls don't

    Like insecure guys either. I mean we already have to deal with our

    Own insecurities. Having to handle yours is too much. But try having confidence

    And giving yourself as well as the other person a chance to get to know you.

    You never know. Some people look beautiful & amazing. But once you

    Get to meet them they might end up being far from what you expected

    Whether good or bad who knows. But looks can be deceiving.

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  • Imaging she was your lost childhood friend (best friend if you have to think that way).

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  • Girls aren't really as picky about guys as guys are about girls. I don't care if a guy looks "perfect" as long as he has a good personality and I'm attracted to him in some way. Those "perfect" guys don't exist, and if they do, they're fake. No one is perfect. Just remember that everybody has a different view on what is perfect, and you don't know if you're her idea of perfect unless you go find out. Plus, perfect is overrated.

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What Guys Said 6

  • Granted I'm married, but I do this all the time, if I don't think there is even a chance I will file her away in my "forget it" file and that is it. I must confess if she were to then display an interest it would completely blow me away. I'm rather afraid of rejection, so I know it's just a defense mechanism I utilize to help avoid possible pain, I know it's not the best policy but it is the truth.

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  • Don't hesitate, don't think, just do. The biggest thing that messes you up is waiting, and thinking. You end up over analyzing, and then talking yourself out of it.

    Either just say something general like ask about something locally, or be straight up and tell her why you're talking to her. Go from there. You gotta do this with every girl you're attracted to, or you'll never be able to do it with just the 10s that you REALLY want. If you "don't have a change" then use it as an opportunity to prep yourself and practice.

    I aslo highly recommend this book which helped me A LOT: link And also check out "simple pickup" on YouTube.

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  • Practice eye contact with all sorts of people, and give them a friendly nod. This should prep you for that next 10 that's checkin' you out.

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  • Why do you think you wouldn't have a chance with her?

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    • Don't know really. I guess I just have that idealized picture of a perfect guy in my mind, that I am not that close to. A bit of lack of confidence by my side there... :-/

    • Well, you just answered your own question. Become that "perfect guy"... work on it everyday, it's what I did. Also work on your confidence as well. I used to be just like you when I was younger, thinking I'm not enough, now I think I'm THE SHIT and I know girls love me... Sounds cocky? Maybe. However it's the type of attitude you need to have and develop if you want to attract girls. Either way good luck :) and add me if you have any questions

    • Sure will. Thanks :)

  • All girls want a "perfect" guy.

    But remember this. No matter HOW perfect she looks to you, she's absolutely FILLED to the brim with tiny little insecurities about herself. That's how women are. They'll take every little tiny flaw on their body (ones that you'd never even notice), and blow them up to absolutely epic proportions.

    Listen, she doesn't think she looks as good as you think she looks, and she probably thinks YOU look a lot better than you think you look, too. So go up and talk to her, you really don't have anything to lose.

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  • I don't see how letting a girl check you out and making her think you don't notice is disqualifying yourself. Of course you probably won't ever see this girl again so you pretty much blew your chance with her. That's a way I try to tell if a girl is interested in me. If a girl is going to stare at you she will do it when she thinks you aren't looking. Girls aren't obvious like guys are. Honestly though, you won't notice girls checking you out that often cause they're sneaky. What you should have done in this case is looked at her and smiled and then waited to see if she smiled to make your approach.

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