Nowadays girls usually work but I wish I could be a stay at home? thoughts?

i am in a graduate level school program. since I was young it was drilled into my head by my parents that I will go to college and graduate school. so I picked the school option I liked the most and had the greatest interest in.

but deep down I often wish I lived in a time where I didn't have to do anything. where I could just meet a nice man, get married, and be a wife and mom and maybe have a small part time job.

i will admit it, I am the submissive type. I like dating an older man who can take care of me. I don't mean take care of me with loads of money! I mean I am old long as we could be comfortable I do not have a problem with him being the worker and me being the wife and mother.

you know, a traditional, old fashioned relationship. where the man is the stronger somewhat older one. now I do not want to date someone too old, maybe ten years older at the most. but I do look to older, more powerful men than myself. not on purpose, I can't help it. I'm naturally submissive.

but it seems like nowadays women get criticized, that they are expected to work, often to be like men.

i am totally for women being powerful career women and never getting married or having kids if that's what they want.

but sometimes I feel like that's all I am expected to do, that in this society (America) I will have a harder time just being a wife and mother. that people (Especially other women) condemn and criticize a woman for wanting to be an old fashioned woman.

What do you think? I expect to get a lot of opinionated answers.

i am going to get my degree because I want to have it down pat but I would rather have a much smaller scale career, or even stop working down the line if I had kids and a husband.


Most Helpful Guy

  • In the real world, lots of women go to college, start a career, meet a man, fall in love, and start having babies, and that puts them right back in that place where they themselves may have claimed they'd never want to be: a stay-at-home mom. But having a baby can really change how you feel, and many moms quickly realize that they don't want someone else raising their children.

    If you run the numbers (something few really do), you might be surprised how little a second income really adds to a household once you factor in the costs of going to the job, work clothes, restaurant lunches, and daycare costs. If you're lucky enough to be in a high-paying industry, then, yes, you can beat those costs, but a lot of people can't, and many don't realize that they are making less money by working more and paying someone else to raise their children.

    There are also PLENTY of men who not only understand that, but who would prefer that their wife be the one who raises their kids, so that they both know their child is getting the care and love every kid deserves. It's also easier to work harder and be more focused at work when you have someone supporting you in the home, who makes sure your non-work needs are taken care of and that the house isn't falling apart when he's at work. The "traditional" roles are definitely not gone, they're just a lot less advertised.

    It's good that you are going to school so that you have OPTIONS, but being a stay-at-home mom and housewife IS one of those options. And that gives you the ability to start a home-based business, which can earn a surprising amount of money (since costs are so low) and be just as rewarding as an out-of-the-home career. You could also just work part-time locally, to reduce work costs and have more time for kids and managing the home.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of those options. While it's true that many people didn't give women the respect they deserved for the domestic role, that role has always been both NEEDED and WORTHY OF RESPECT.


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What Guys Said 5

  • My thoughts? I believe that if you want something, you have to earn it. A traditional housewife wants a luxurious life on the lap of a dominant man so she's really not earning anything. Yet if she met her male equivalent (a modest man of modest means), that male equivalent wouldn't be good enough for her. It just screams "spoiled, entitled, lazy brat". You might not be any of those things, but when you really break it down, you're expecting a lot more than what you actually deserve.

    But all is not lost. You see, there are redeeming qualities that traditional housewife possesses that can balance the scale somewhat. Cook all of his meals, keep the house clean and spotless, take care of all the laundry, wipe the baby's butt, don't talk back, don't assume any role like you were head of the household, and suck his d*** whenever he asks you to.

    Traditional housewives didn't sit around all day, contrary to popular belief. They sacrificed their ego and dignity for the good of the household, and it would get to the point where the tradeoff between getting to sit at home versus going to work and getting royal treatment afterward wasn't so easy to stomach. There's a reason why so many women wanted to leave the household. They lived to treat their husband like royalty and if they refused it, they would have nowhere else to go.

    If you call yourself traditional and expect anything less than a major blow to your ego and dignity, then you're not traditional. You're just lazy and want someone to carry you through life.

    • Your view on this is very misconstrued. Growing up in a family where my mom was (and still is) a stay-at-home mom I can honestly say her relationship with my dad (the bread winner) is nothing like this. All of the married couples that have a stay-at-home role are also not like this. MrOracle pretty much summed up what life is like for families that decide to have only one spouse work, what you described is only found in abusive relationships

    • I vehemently oppose double standards no matter how they come. Someone who aspires to stay at home is looking for an easy way out.

      It's one thing to do it out of necessity. It's another thing to say "I'm not going to take the same risks you're going to take to be successful in life, but I want all the rewards". BS.

      I'm not attending school working hard and studying hard and accumulating debt while clawing my way to the top of the workforce just so I can house someone who won't do the same.

    • Both of my parents worked. You wanna know how I coped as a kid? Me and my friends would walk down to the local Boys and Girls Club after school and socialize to our heart's content. When either mom or dad got off work between 5 and 7pm, they would pick us up, we'd have dinner, we'd do our homework, watch TV, shower, then go to bed.

      This talk that its too expensive to hire babysitters or that its impossible to raise kids with two working parents is bologna.

  • Nothing is wrong with this at all. Don't let anyone judge what you would want to do. I gave this advice to one of my guy friends recently when he said that he has always wanted to be a stay at home dad. With the way the world is today don't fall in to what you are expected to do with your life by your parents and peers, do what you want. There is nothing wrong with breaking stereotypical gender-roles (men at home with the kids while the wife works) or going with stereotypical gender-roles (women is at home with the kids while the wife works). It all comes down to this, would you be happy being at home with the kids all day? If your answer is yes, then by all means do it.

    That being said, don't be too surprised if when you get to that situation you may be required to also work as it is hard to get by with only one family member working unless there is a "bread-winner". It sucks, but its life

  • Nothing wrong or strange with this.. many women take the degrees as a way to have a backup plan.. many men are comfortable with this role and are traditional themselves. I have examples in my family. You can still achieve a balance with the person in your life... I mean.. staying at home doesn't mean you are a slave.. but of course most of house chores would be on you. For me.. it would depend on my future partner and me agreeing.. I open for all options .. I sort of also feel that stay at home partners should have a salary deduction out of their partners income as a way of security.. or like.. ''stay at home mom salary lol''

    Dont let anybody dictate for you what you want to be or do .. just plan your life well and do it.. my advice is to always have a backup plan..

    I mean .. what you are saying is not something to be ashamed of.

  • My wife stayed home to raise our kids for the first 10 - 12 years of their lives but has since gone back to work. We both appreciate the additional income but we BOTH miss her being home. She craves it, in fact. There is just not enough time to get everything done...not so when she was home.

    We were very cash-strapped but the quality of life for all of us was better when she was home, and there was no doubt in any of our minds of the value of her role. I hate how society has devalued that and made it seem like a bad thing.

    If you can swing it, I encourage you to pursue that goal.

    BTW - my wife has a degree in business.

  • You still can do that and there are a lot of guys that would like that kind of girl. I would like it if I were to get married and if we had kids my wife would be able to stay home with them when they are young. It is silly that if a girl decides she wants to be a stay at home mom that people think she is not capable or some how is inferior because she isn't doing the whole "I am woman hear me roar" stuff


What Girls Said 7

  • There are men out there that wouldn't mind their woman playing this role. I see nothing wrong with it. Before a kid needs money, they need love. And it will be great because you can better bond with your children. Being a stay at home mom isn't easy and it is a lot of work.

    At least if you do this make sure you have your own money saved up, so you can still feel independent, and you never no some relationships or marriages don't last. You want something to at least fall back on if things don't work out the way you plan.

  • Its completely your decision. Feminism isn't about women have to work/get an education/have a career, its about giving you that choice, the opportunity to do what you want. Condemning a woman for making a choice is the same as refusing to give her that choice. If you want to stay at home and raise a family, or not, then as long as you can afford it, are happy and still contribute to the home, its your choice. I would say though to stick to your plan of getting your degree because things do change. In 5/10 years time you may decide you want to work, who knows, just leave your options open.

    Many people have the intention of having a career but realize they don't want to pay someone to raise their kids or it may simply not make any economic sense for both parents to work and pay a babysitter. Every couple has different circumstances and they do what they believe is right by them. No one has the right to tell you what you should be doing with your life.

  • I want to be a stay-at-home mother when I have children, but regardless of whether or not that's in reach I STILL intend on completing college and going to graduate school(as it will be necessary). I still think it's important to get a higher education even if the plan is to be a stay at home wife/mother.

    But being a stay at home wife and mother is something one too many women view as an easy way out. Being a stay at home wife and mother entails taking care of the children and keeping the house clean and making sure your kids and husband have a hot meal.

    The husband is the breadwinner and busts his ass while the wife should in theory bust her ass at home, to make life easier for the husband.

  • Thoughts? It's not a wise decision AT ALL. At this day and age, divorce rates are higher than ever! I don't think it's smart for women to put themselves in a position where they are mainly reliable on a man ESPECIALLY if kids are involved. I've had some friends who put themselves in that position and their man ended up cheating on them or feeling like it was okay for him to be a piss poor significant other because they knew she wasn't going anywhere because she had no choice but to stay with him. Due to her being unable to provide for herself and her children on her own income.

    Being naturally submissive can bea really bad thing and have negative outcomes.

    I admit, I'd like a husband who makes enough for me to be a stay at home mom for the first few years of my child being born. I'm paranoid about perverts at school and who watches my kid *I don't even have a kid lol* but I want to protect them and be able to be there for them for a while. But after that, I want my own income. I feel both partners should pull their own weight in terms of finances. It's only fair.

  • That is definitely not for me, but you have the right to do what you want. That being said, you shouldn't lie about your intentions when you go into a marriage. I've heard of women who have gone to school with the express intent of getting married and not telling their husbands that they have no intention of working. You wouldn't want a man to drop that bomb on you so why would you do it to him? As long as you're honest about your intentions it should be fine.

  • That's funny. My life is, and always has been the opposite. I have a degree, but I keep meeting bums for boyfriends. My current boyfriend doesn't want to pay any bills. Lives with me, and wants to claim head of household on taxes (he doesn't know what he's talking about). Anyway, I'd love the life you want. Just be glad that you have your degree so that if you ever need to, you can support yourself. Good luck!

  • It's your decision. If you can find a guy who doesn't mind that type of thing, then go for it. Women have a lot more opportunities now, but that doesn't mean they still can't make the decision to be a housewife. If someone has a problem with it, ignore them. It's your life, so do what makes you happy.