Do men tend to go for women who look like their female family members?

Are men more attracted to women who look like their mothers?

More so in build than in physical appearance.

Example: If a man's mother and sisters are short and thin, will he be more attracted to women who are short and thin because that is the female standard he has grown up with?

Or is it the opposite?

I know it tends to be a person by person thing, but it would explain my boyfriend's words and actions.

I am short and thin. I have an athletic build (narrow hips, no excess fat, toned, small bust/butt, 17% bodyfat) and my boyfriend's family is very big. The women on his side are all around 6'0, very busty and curvy and they carry more excess weight. This makes sense, due to their height and all, but they all have a bit of a belly. Which is fine, whatever.

My boyfriend, however, is 6'5, and is in very good shape and has zero excess fat. He has a very low body fat percentage (less than or close to 6%)

Anyway, my boyfriend always takes me out to eat and tells me I need to gain weight and lately he's taken to patting my stomach and telling me that "that's his baby in there." Even though I'm not even pregnant!

I don't know what's going on with him. He was totally fine with me when we met (5 years ago), but now it seems like he's trying to mold me to fit the build of his sisters and mother. Which, of course, will never happen due to my metabolism, genetics, and eating habits.

I'm just trying to figure out what's going through his head here. I don't want to jump to any conclusions.

If you could explain both my situation and what you think the pattern with most men is, that'd be great. :)


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Paging Dr Freud!

    You've touched on a subject that many psychiatrists, therapists, and psychologists have wondered about (and studied) for over a century. I can give you my opinion, but it's just that - that's my disclaimer.

    Anyway, some folks argue that what you are saying is true - that men look for a body type in women that matches the ideal they were raised with. I would say this has some merit as a theory, but really depends upon two things:

    What kind of relationship did the male have with these women family members? Was it loving and supportive, or demeaning and abusive?

    What kind of person is your boyfriend? Is he generally passive around women, or is he the dominant type of personality?

    But at the end of the day, I think communication is what's called for here. You should sit down and talk to him about this stuff. Among other things, he might be thinking about more serious subjects such as marriage and children, and his antics are a way of displaying his desires (however immature they might be!).

    I hope this helps. Good luck!

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What Guys Said 18

  • My mother and sisters are slender, but fairly tall (5'6" to 5'8").

    I'm attracted to lots of different female body types, but my favorite are petite girls (5'4" and under, and slender). I can't say there is ZERO influence, but I don't think it's a significant one for me, and probably not for most guys.

    There are exceptions to every rule, though, and your guy might be one of them.

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  • I say yes the guy is more inclined to date a guy that resembles his mother. Makes logical sense as well, because his taste in women, genetically, will be similar to his father's.

    Funny to think about...my most recent ex seriously does look like a younger version of my mom! :-P

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  • Idk what exactly what you mean by that baby girl but for me personally I would want my girlfriend or wife to look totally different than my mom an sis.I like girls of all sizes an shapes an looks but I tend to go for thick girls.not fat but thick ya know?But t o me it'd be gross to wanna f*** or be in love with a girl that looks ike any girl in my family.idk what to make of your situation but mabe he thinks your pregnet. Different guys like different type of girls.bu anyway I hope you find your question beautiful

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    • I can't be pregnant. I'm a virgin. :P

  • Don't say your body won't change - wait till you hit 30!

    I tend to be attracted to small brunettes, which is the same as my mother so I guess that Honda true for me. I would look at and "type" if the personality was right, though.

    A lot of men prefer women with some curves. It's normal for guys to like that. One possibility , however, is that he may be worried you have an eating disorder? If you are very thin and don't eat much he might be worried about that. Men are I think increasingly aware of the pressure girls are under to be thin and are worried about the possibility of anorexia etc

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    • I wouldn't if not all the women in my family are thin and have fast metabolisms. From my 7 year old cousin to my 85 year old grandmother, we're all thin. So I'm inclined to think I'll be the same :)

    • Jammy git ;-)

  • Studies in Finland show it to be true and men are attracted to women that resemble their mothers. Ithink its true as well. One of my buddies I know his wife and former gfs look like his mom in some way. Lance Armstrong's last two look very similar to his mom.

    Also its not always looks that are similar, sometimes behavior is similar.

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  • He wants to mold you into the build of his family because it's where he feels familiarity and belongingness.

    People tend to hang out or socialize with people whom they find commonality and familiarity.

    Your boyfriend really wants to be with you.

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  • He wants kids.

    Everything else is you joining the dots.

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  • that's kind of weird. I can understand wanting personalities embedded into your lover from your parents. but as for physical characteristics not so much.

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  • Maybe some sort of Oedipus complex. I am definitely not attracted to women that emulate family members, my tastes are different.

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  • Nope not at all, but I don't mind dating a girl that looks like my cousins. Not mom! Noooo way. And I have no sister.

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  • I hate to admit it, but I can't deny that the women I find the most beautiful and sexy, are the ones that look just like my mom. It weirded me out at first, but then I googled a little and realized it's quite natural.

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  • God I hope not.

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  • I don't do that myself. :/

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  • No

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  • Yes we tend to date and or marry our mothers

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  • Its more subconscious then looks the girl I'm going for resembles my mom in other ways then just looks more of personality and way she acts how she treats me.

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  • Females in my family tend to be chubby and short. Girls that I find the most attractive are tall and slender. It seems that I don't go for women that look like those I'm related to.

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  • I always had a thing for tall girls with dark eyes and hair and that's not the look any close female member of my family has. So the answer to your question is no, in my case. I can't speak for other guys though.

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What Girls Said 4

  • i don't think so...

    I'm really tall, my boyfriend is only a inch and a half bigger than me, more or less (3 cms) and he is a tall man. All of his family members are small, men and women alike.

    at the same time, I'm not thin. I have a big butt and a big chest, but I'm not fat either. His family members are larger than me, but they're still not fat either.

    So I'm alike them in width, but unlike in height.

    I have light brown, straight hair; his family have blond or dark brown hair.

    I'm very, very pale, more than his family; but they're still pale too...

    I don't look like them, but I'm not that different at the same time.

    Same applied to other guys who liked me; I was either very simillar to them or very different, there's not a pattern behind this.

    I guess it depends, and has nothing to do with family influences; some guys just like larger women and others like thin ones. That's how it is.

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  • I think there is some truth in that, but not from the kids but from their parents. For example, I know this guy who is a very good (albeit platonic) friend. His mom has wanted us to date for ages and she looks a lot like me. She's short like me but her physical build is much different. But we are both blond with brown/green eyes and very similar facial structure. I think she wants him and I to be together because she wants her son to be with someone like her.

    I've also noticed that my dad as well as lots of my friends dads want us to be with guys like them.

    Based on that I'm assuming that peoples' families think that by "wanting the best" for their kids, they want someone like them for their kids. So it's the family's influence and the kid's desire not to disappoint that causes them to date people like their family.

    Just my thoughts on that. I could be totally wrong but this is what I've observed.

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  • id say most people are specifically attracted to people who do _not_ resemble family members.

    he shouldn't be telling you what to do. its your body. he's being disrespectful.

    instead of trying to de;lve into his mind and the subconscious subleties of his inner desires for your asthetic appeal to be similar to his mom.

    tell him your body is yours. you're not mr potato head. he isn't going to mold u. he knew who you were when you guys met. this is yip. if he can't handle it its his problem not yours. if he can't respect that, you should leave him. really. its YOUR body.

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    • A comment on Toulouse's behalf:

      Why be with someone who openly complains about who you r. Why indulge them.. It's about _your_ self respect. Not his Mother. Not him.

      -Toulouse.

  • if someone is trying to mold you in any way they really don't love you for who you are. I would dump such a guy. why would you wanna be with someone who is trying to change you? and is so superficial and shallow about your body? he sounds like a retard.

    as for your general question though, I think its mixed, some guys do go for women that resemble their mother its a sigmund freud psychological thing, and some girls go for guys that remind them of their father...but other men don't give a sh*t and just go for a girl they like. I think guys that come from specific or exotic cultures especially they find women that have unique traits attractive that reminds them of their culture.

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