I think the new guy is a self respective man who is probably doing just that. Protecting himself. You owe it to him and to your husband to be honest about your actions and your feelings. You need to respect both of them regardless of what has or has not been done to you in the past. It is your responsibility. Your husband is clueless about this situation I'm assuming. IF you aren't going to stop seeing the other guy immediately then you need to sit down and discuss your relationship with your husband and be completely honest with him. He has a right to decide for himself what is best for him. You have a right to decide for yourself what is best for you. Everyone has a right to be happy and be respected. The best way to make the right judgment call is to ask yourself this. What would I want my husband to do if he were in my shoes? Then do it for him. Good luck and I hope that everything works out for the best for everyone.
Call me old fashion, but I believe if you make a commitment to someone you stick to it. You obviously loved your husband at one time and I am sure you could love him again. You spoke of relating to him on a different plain. How about moving to his plain and talking to him there. What you are doing with this other guy is wrong! Put the same effort into your husband that you do this guy and see if your husband responds back. People don't talk anymore. I know after 10-11 years there isn't much to say, but find things to do that builds conversation. Go on walks, play games, put him above yourself and in time he will do the same. don't try and make yourself feel as if what you are doing is right because he made mistakes in the past. Two wrongs don't make a right! Good luck and may God bless your marriage!
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