All I have to offer is my hard-working nature and perhaps my intelligence...

Why does beauty seem to be the defining factor in what attracts guys to women. I'm a 23 year old female - I believe that I'm friendly and easy to get along with, but I've never had a date before. I'm in graduate school and I used to think it was just my lack of time that was preventing me from finding anyone, but there amongst a group of very busy, educated females, the more attractive one always gets the dates. Guys, what advice do you have for a girl that does not necessarily turn any heads from guys? I'm striving to get into medical school, so I'm quite busy as it is, but sometimes I get a bit down about my situation. I suffer from acne and I have African American hair that has been styled nicely into a bob when I go to the hairdresser, but in between those times it's usually a mess..


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Most Helpful Guy

  • As a budding expert in the human condition you must concede that part of this equation belongs to male biology. We're hardwired hormonally to seek mates whose physical attributes promise healthy progeny. So yes, structural characteristics such as healthy skin, and a 7/10 waist-to-hip ratio inform our decisions subconsciously because we're already hardwired to spread genes/jeans. And even though intelligent, rational men can be predisposed to seek wit, compassion, and wisdom in a partner, the poor bastards are constantly bombarded by the myth of Barbi through mass market advertising. She's impossibly tall, perfectly proportioned, sports a toasty brown tan, has perfect hair and teeth, drives a convertible, and remains desperately in love with a plastic man who'd drop Babs in a New York minute, if only he had the plastic balls to leave their empty relationship.

    You can look into prescriptions for the acne, and you should take a couple extra steps in the morning to improve your hair don't, because a little extra attention to superficial detail will make you feel better. You will never fit into Barbi's circle of wannabes because you are obviously far too genuine. Intellect, compassion, culture, and a noble career path are very sexy attributes. Your typical twenty-something man/pig won't necessarily come to this conclusion, but the person you marry will thank his favorite god he found you.

    Don't let your fears keep you locked in the apartment on that one night a week you actually have time to get out in the world. Be your bad a**, fearless and funny self. Personality counts! You can wake up next to a hot bod, but then you have to deal with the person inside it. And may god have mercy if you have to pretend to enjoy the insipid drivel of an airhead or a mimbo all damn day. Woman, you got a lot more goin' on than are willing to take credit for. Besides, the potential rejection we all face while dating ain't nuthin compared to the ritualized humiliations you will endure and survive throughout med school.

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    • "...and remains desperately in love with a plastic man who'd drop Babs in a New York minute, if only he had the plastic balls to leave their empty relationship."

      Hahaha.

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    • Seconded

    • Ken dumped Barbie like 10 years ago, and dropped her for her bestfriend Teresa, they have a baby together

What Guys Said 5

  • I find smart girls attractive actually, it's fun to make love to a woman while she is talking about her thesis, or passionately about her field of study; i.e. Geographer who goes on about environmental stuff... or an accounting major going on about calculations... or physics girl talking about quanta. It is so great to connect physically and emotionally and logically in a conversation while making love; at least until she says something stupid.

    Intelligence is definitely a plus factor.

    Hard working is good also, because it would mean you would not be a leech to your man in future because you would be able to earn.

    I have seen so many pathetic women who have no ability to earn, no original thought, not many books or qualifications under their belt and all they have is to hide behind some male.. and the male always keeps changing. I hate that.

    I think you are cool! But I have never had an african american woman before.. I am more partial to white women as the same race as me.

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  • well one big turn off is that you are so busy. and your so goal orientated. do you go out with friends? do you go out and have fun? also do you have guy friends or just girl friends?

    also it doesn't always matter if someone looks good or not cause personality is the thing that matters. when these good looking guys and girls are getting hooked up just pay attention to their personality. most of the time its someone you really wouldn't want to date anyhow. but if you feel looks are a weak point then change it. change up your style you might like that. if your a few pounds on the heavy side then work to lose some pounds. but first you have to get yourself where your comfortable enough to say you are happy with your looks. unfortunately you don't have any pics so I can't really say on what id do if I was you but that's ok, I'm sure you can figure out what you need to do and I'm sure you will be getting plenty of dates once that happens.

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    • Thank-you. Well I believe that I'm quite healthy (I eat healthy and I'm not overweight). People always say if you don't like your looks than change it, but I cannot. I feel as though I've already done what I can... my acne doesn't seem to go away despite going to the dermatologist and getting oral and topical medication. It's been over a 10 year battle for me for acne... my hours also very demanding. I work from 8-6pm and study from 7am-about 2 am..

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    • Hey don't get me wrong its great you have goals most kids between 18-25 have no goals and ambition I think its great you are so dedicated to making something outta your life. just sometimes don't be afraid to lay down the book and have fun you deserve it.

    • Thank-you for your comments and time...

  • "Why does beauty seem to be the defining factor in what attracts guys to women"

    Think about that. You're basically asking: "Why are guys ATTRACTed to ATTRACTive women?"

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  • I'm sorry to say you are in a very difficult position. All I can say is: try to develop an incredible personality. In the long run, that's more important.

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    • Thank-you... unfortunately, I just go day by day by suppressing these feelings, as I cannot act upon them. It's hard, but... if I have come this far, I figure I can go another 10 years lol...:S

  • hell, you got two of the BEST things a girl can have- and they will get ypu very far in life.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Screw those random twentysomething hook-ups! You're going to med school; you're going to save lives!

    If you are in a room of more attractive females, you're just going to have to accept the fact that men will invariably approach those females rather than you based on appearances alone. This does not mean you have to give up! You can try to change what you don't think is working for you physically (acne, etc.) or gain more confidence. Looks are only pre-qualifiers. It gets you in the door faster, but it doesn't necessarily mean you are home safe. Try approaching a guy you like; heck, why not?

    In the long run, intelligence, honesty, and compassion are really what counts.

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    • Thanks, I believe so too, but sometimes I just get really down on myself. My hair doesn't grow very long and there isn't much I can't do about that... and in terms of acne.. it's been over a 10 year battle for me. I've tried everything from proactive to oral medication...

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    • If you step out of your comfort zone and go out more often, you'll get more and more comfortable with yourself, but you have to make that first step, which is usually the hardest. And you have to stick with it. Doing the things we fear make us stronger.

    • Thank-you very much for your comments..

  • u kno wut I say? it sounds like ur worried too much about wut othr people think... ur worried about not looking attractive to guys and you took extensions out because ur friends said it looked fake- gurl DO WUTEVR THE HELL You WANNA DO! rock wut you got! that's the main thing is sayin screw evryone else and rock wut you want 2 rock! its about having the confidence 2 say screw evryone else- THIS IS WHO I AM and if guys or gurls don't like it then F them! how do you think new trends and styles get started? its because people have enough confidence 2 do sumthin that not evryone else is doin- and then evryone else who can't think 4 themselves copies that person... rock wut you got- evryone has imperfections. I kno this gurl who has SEVERE acne and she just got married 2 this really cool vry cute guy... focus on ur goals of bein and medical school- work those extensions and don't worry about wut evryone else thinks! if you got haters- you kno ur doin sumthin right!

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  • first is the attraction and then the spirit. that's what most guys tell me anyway. you have to look nice and then they will see if the like your intelligence.

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  • I don't know, but it really sucks.

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  • me too! but it seems that guys don't appreciate that because of a few pimples on my skin :(.

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  • Try going on a low carb diet for a few months to lose some weight... From my experience even ugly girls can get guys to chase after them, as long as they are "skinny."

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  • You don't have to be gorgeous or beautiful, just being confident and looking decently average can go a long way. Hell you don't even really have to be attractive period because there are plenty of guys out there who aren't exactly male models themselves. If you are not turning heads because of your looks, keep a good confident attitude and don't let it get you down. Low confidence can make an even beautiful woman less attractive.

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