Guys .. How to change your looks for a guy without him walking all over you?

My boyfriend is repeatedly complaining how my skin, weight, hair, clothes should be changed to better suit him. How can I give in on some of these things (most women realize that men value you about 80% for superficial things) ... but not let him think I'm a doll there to push here and there for his own whims?

Is there a positive way to balance it? I realize that because I don't change my looks to suit him, he feels like I'm not invested in the relationship, as looks trump kindness, compassion, time, energy, etc. I understand that about guys even though it does hurt ... But on the flipside, I don't want to change things and have him just keep on complaining about everything about me and thinking to prove I'm into him, I should "fix" myself.


What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • As someone who has struggled with self esteem my whole life I can most definitely tell you this: You shouldn't try to change for anyone but yourself.

    I've been overweight my whole life. Years ago I met a guy who loved heavy sets, and wanted me to put even more weight! He didn't even care about my health. I was very confused.

    Two years ago I started dating someone who I thought was perfect, but he kept complaining that I was too overweight and that my clothes and hair didn't favor me, and even complained about my features, that all in all they didn't suit him. I was hurt but didn't say anything. And it was murder on my very small self esteem. We stopped seeing each other after a year of that.

    Two months later I met a guy friend who encouraged me to loose weight for myself, as he was struggling with it himself. I ended up loosing weight, changing my hair and clothes, and I feel awesome. But I did it for myself. I felt so powerful and beautiful.

    Six months ago I meet an awesome guy. He loves the way I look, he keeps telling me how he loves my hair, my features, my style. He tells me that I'm perfect for him as I am. But he encourages me to keep taking care of myself, not for him but for myself. He's seen pictures from before and has never said a bad thing about the way I looked.

    What I'm trying to say is, again, you need to change because you are convinced you need to chance to feel better. But if you try to became someone different, what makes you believe he's going to like you better? It could go the other way around in the end.

    And if a guy really loves you, believe me, he's going to love everything about who you are and how you look. All this years I thought it was a cliche, but it's true.

    I agree you should try to please your partner on small things such as hair style or the colors you use. But not become some else altogether.

  • You don't. Dump his ass

    • It's not quite that easy. All guys are visual. It's one thing to change something to please him and another for him to feel like he owns you. I just don't know how to make the distinction obvious.