Let me know what you think of these lyrics I have rewritten

I rewrote this song because of two things, I got some suggestions from others and my damn Songwriters Pad app screwed it up and had to start all over again.

I wrote this song called My Peaceful Nightmare. Please give me suggestions/comments about it because I really want it to be good.

Intro

You're my peaceful nightmare

My beautiful demon angel

Verse

Are you scared or angry?

Where are you now?

I carved you into my skin

To rid the voice of you

I wish you could see

All of the shadows of you

Chorus

You're my peaceful nightmare

Look for you in the light

Found you in the terror

A beautiful demon angel

Verse

The stalking of memories

I waste my sleep with

Your voice stabbing me

A caressing with your claws

My skin starts shredding

Maggots feast on my heart

Chorus

You're my peaceful nightmare

Look for you in the light

Found you in the terror

A beautiful demon angel

Outro

You're my peaceful nightmare

Look for you in the light

Found you in the terror

A beautiful demon angel

How long will I

Will I picture you

I want poison in my eyes

You're my peaceful nightmare

You're my peaceful nightmare

You're the terror in my dreams

A beautiful demon angel


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Those are very beautiful lyrics. You're good.

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What Girls Said 1

  • This is amazing! I don't know if it is intentional that the lines don't rhyme, but that might help. The lyrics are beautiful.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Your bars are all over the place in amount of syllables so it might not sound great if you want to keep on beat. There are generally 16 bars in a verse, and you're at 6 and 4 on various parts of the song. The lyrics themselves are bland, but I guess they play to emo/death metal type people. Not really my thing. Rhyming helps to tie bars together in a verse as well, but it's not necessary for all types of music.

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  • Those are quite wonderful composition.

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