How do you get a girl to have a conversation with you when you are unattractive?

I understand that women don't want to sleep with me or date me because of the way I look but I don't understand why they can't even talk to me. Outside of women I work with, females who are related to me and girls on this website I haven't had a conversation with a member of the opposite sex in months. I don't even know how I'm supposed to start a conversation with someone when even hello is greeted by a look of disgust or the revelation that she has a boyfriend, both followed by her walking away. What am I doing wrong? How do you begin a conversation with a female when you are ugly?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • "I haven't had a conversation in months."

    There's your the first problem problem. How many random girls have you even talked to? What about friends of friends, it's easier.

    Of course you're going to get rejected by many of them, even more so with you current state and experience. EVERY ONE gets this, even the guys who are pretty good with girls get rejected by more girls than not, but just use that as either a learning experience or a way to warm up.

    Women aren't robots, they don't all want the exact same thing and respond the exact same way to the exact same aproaches. It's not an exact science, but there are patterns and things that work on most girls or don't work on most girls.

    You also seem to think that just because 10 girls say you're unattractive that 10 other girls are going to. Yet you've had many girls on here tell you you arent.

    Not every girl that any guy approaches is going to be receptive and come in their pants at hello. Not even the best ladies men. Every thing you do counts, looks are just one of those things.

    Now start talking to girls, if you've read as much as you say you have, you know what to do.

    Instead of being a bitch and say' WAAAAAAAH, she rejected me, she must have thought I'm ugly, waaaaaaah" Really think about it and what you did right and what you did wrong.

    Do what works and try new things if the other things don't seem to be working. It's complete bullsh*t that you're failing because of your looks, you would have to be like a 3/10 for that to be a valid excsuse.

    The fact that you're posting all these just shows that you probably are giving of an insecure, low confidence, approval seeking vibe. Maybe that what turns the girls off. Every guy blames their looks, even if its obvious that it's something else. They just think, oh well even I'f I do start being confidence, my looks are still gona screw it up. Seek the truth, stop making assumptions.

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What Girls Said 14

  • Well I think you are fishing for compliments because you aren't ugly and I think you know that... anyway confidence has a lot to do with it. If you approach someone awkwardly or in a shy manner they are going to feel awkward too or even sometimes find you creepy lol.

    It may also feel awkward if its forced or it just randomly stops and there's some silent moment lol. Casually but confidently approach a girl and talk about something you noticed about her or something that is going on and keep the conversation going like you would with any person. Don't over think it.

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    • I'm not hideous but I am unattractive. I'm about ?30k worth of surgery away from being datable which is something I'm trying to come to terms with. Girls on the internet always dispute this but obviously they have no obligation to follow up on what they say and are only saying what they think I want/need to hear.

      Its impossible to be confident when no women will even hold a conversation with you. I've been rejected so many times that I'm obviously going to be anxious about it.

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    • confidence is a lie made up by women to why they only want perfect looking guys

    • Okay, you're entitled to your opinion.

  • I honestly don't think your ugly, I too looked at your photo but I think it is what you project to women not how you look, you think you look ugly because you are being influenced by people trying to look like super models instead of accepting you for who you are, you are very insecure about yourself and lack confidence which for sure they will see. Work on your confidence and try not to take any notice of how superficial people think looks is everything because it's not, a guy could be really good looking with amazing pecks but with no personality, sense of humor and a really cocky behavior it just doesn't mean a thing people want their mate to have some looks I guess depending on their taste but they also want someone with a great personality and sense of humor, be smart about it and love yourself don't think of how others think you should be.

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  • Since you believe you are ugly, we women might as well believe you are as well. Because you carry yourself like an ugly person, we won't want to be with an ugly person.

    So, perk up. Gain confidence. I have actually seen unattractive people with distorted physical features who feel confident and beautiful and proud in who they are. And that right there attracts people.

    If you feel ugly, you behave ugly and no one likes an ugly person.

    If you look ugly, feel beautiful, behave beautiful...guess what? 2 beautifuls out of 3 traits. You become attractive. People forget about your looks.

    How do blind people find love? Seriously, looks are nothing.

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  • Looking good isn't gonna get a girl lol. It's funny how guys think this so easily. So if you guys are saying a guy has to be super duper hot to get a girl, then how does a girl have to look to get a guy? Like Megan Fox? You guys DO know there is pressure on us girls to look good as well, dontchya?

    With that being said, confidence really IS the biggest key. Confidence and something physically attractive, in all honesty. I generally have more guy friends so it's easy for me to observe this. One friend would not be considered very physically attractive by most people, has a lot of weight on him, and by just a glance I know most girls would be turned off by his looks (some girls even admitted this). Yet, when you start a conversation with him, his confidence shines through and he makes you laugh non fricking stop. I had the hugest crush on him in 10th grade and yes, people who did not know him well were like "ew why him?!" . But those girls who were close friends with him always admired his humour and confidence. Needless to say, he's had way too many girlfriends for me to even count anymore lol. He's a really good example of what you're talking about.

    Immature girls will only go for looks. Just like immature guys will do the same. A smart girl who is worth your goddamn time will actually take the time to know you, just like a smart guy would do the same.

    "Girls only want a good looking guy" yeah, only immature girls. Just like only immature guys want a girl with only huge boobs and ass.

    Next time you see a girl you're attracted to, make a joke! If you're in a long line up at the grocery store, be like "we're gonna be here for a couple more years!" or something. She'll most likely laugh and if she's the talkative type, she'll keep going with the conversation. and bam! there ya go :)

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  • I checked out the picture you have on your profile, and I just don't think you are ugly. I'm really sorry. I just don't find you ugly. I don't know wtf is going on with you and women...are you really weird? Are you a face-talker? Do you both say it AND spray it? Because I was expecting this: link and you're not that at all. Not even close.

    So... *shrug*.

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    • I don't think I'm weird, but then I don't think most weird people realize that they are. I'm not socially retarded, I've had friends in the past, including female friends and unattractive (fat) women are sometimes interested in me, so I can't be a total headcase. I think most people just overestimate how unattractive you have to be to be considered undatable by average women.

      What's a face-talker?

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    • remember not ugly= unattractive . means nothing

    • well, you are a sorry little sh*tstain, admfk1- hardly even a person. Thanks for your comment on my page, by the way. You need to learn a new word or two- "whore" seems to have maxed out your vocabulary.

  • You're actually pretty cute. I would definitely talk to you.

    I'm quoting your comment: "I'm not hideous but I am unattractive. I'm about ?30k worth of surgery away from being datable"

    How in your world is a guy who is "datable"? If you think you have to look like Christiano Ronaldo or Ian Somerhalder to be datable, you're wrong.

    Really, your looks are fine. You also have a nice smirk, something that I find attractive on a guy.

    My guess is your confidence is the one that makes girls SEEM TO not want to talk to you. You can tell by someone's body language whether he/she is confident or not. Shifty eyes, shifty feet, fingers always fumbling with something, are signs of low confidence. Also the volume of your voice and what you say plays a role on whether or not girls would want to talk to you. Example: I wouldn't want to talk to a guy who makes a big deal about me being asian, even if he is attractive and confident.

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    • Datable is average or normal looking. Good enough looking that women with other options would still consider you. Good enough looking that women don't end conversations within the first 30 seconds.

  • I agree with behindthefront. fake confidence till you get it, I don't think you are unattractive and tho you think you need to change stuff I don't aggree. Just talk to girls like any other person and then once you get ot know them a little bit just try and flirt.

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  • You are not unattractive and looking at the comments below, it seems like the most of the girls here think so too. You seem to be so pessimistic and this can be noticed when you talk to people. Hence, you become unattractive not because of your looks, but your attitude. Think about it, would you date a girl who constantly says she is unattractive?

    Girls aren't all shallow and as long as you are not a creeper and can engage in sincere conversation most girls are more than willing to chat with you.

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  • Someone who FEELS attractive actually IS attractive.

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  • I don't think you're ugly so gain confidence

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  • I don't know why you think you're ugly because think your kinda cute.

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  • You are not ugly at all, infact you are attractive.

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  • well... you're about a 5 according to your picture, so I don't think they're disgusted by your looks. I think there are 3 main reasons you don't talk to girls:

    1) Are you randomly approaching girls on the street then? You said you talk to co-workers, so who are the other girls you want to talk to? Maybe it's a little weird for girls to have a random guy they don't know start talking to them. Do you have attractive co-workers, try chatting of them up.

    2) Girls are snobs. They think they're better than they actually are, so they think they deserve supermodels, if this is the case, don't even bother with them. They will treat you like cr*p anyways.

    3) Maybe you think you're ugly, and that gives you confidence issues. Work on it.

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  • Why is this all you ever talk about?

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    • Why does it bother you if it is? Why aren't you brave enough to go off anon?

    • Me being anon makes no difference whatsoever. This is all you talk about

    • Uggos unite no matter what lol

What Guys Said 13

  • Your low self esteem is probably showing in how you talk to girls, which is a major turnoff.

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    • Personally I can't tell how high or low someones self esteem is within 10 seconds of meeting them. How can women do this and why can't I do it? My self esteem isn't low, I am just physically unattractive.

    • If you didn't have low self esteem you wouldn't be asking all these.

  • 1st off, dude you're not ugly, that's what you have to tell yourself every morning you wake up, and before you walk outside your house, and every time you see an attractive girl. You have to put in your mind, I can get this girl if I really wanted. 2nd when you approach a girl just smile when you talk to them. If you feel you don't know what to say, just be really friendly with them.

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    • What is unfriendly about what I'm doing now? Keep in mind I'm only likely to be able to say about one sentence before they tell me or show me they aren't interested and then leave, what is friendly that I can do in that time?

    • not sure what you are saying to them, if its just a hello, then that's too simple. you have to find something of interest in the environment you're in and use it in the conversation when you approach them. I'm not saying you're not being friendly, I have no idea what you are doing out there. Just saying you should be.

  • Looks are like 10% of what is needed to attract a woman.

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  • I hate life because of this

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  • give her the D

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  • Hey dude just chill your time will come just earn lots of money..

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  • only betas lack confidence.

    and if anybody bemoans the concept of alpha/beta, then it lends to women still (innately) seeing men as strong leaders. it's psychology, not anything other than that.

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  • It would by being more interested in her

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  • well if you can't get a girl, you can always get a guy. I'd blow you in a second.

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  • link

    Go there and do your research. Attraction, just like just about any human behavior, is governed by physics. You need to understand the system (how it actually works) if you want to make informed decisions that can maximize the attraction of others towards you.

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  • you look sexy to me

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  • You're not ugly.

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  • Fishing for compliments again?

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    • That took serious balls to come here and say that anonymously. You must be such a badass.

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    • Yeah, because you aren't coming here looking for an argument at all. If you have advice give it, if not then don't answer.

    • I wasn't looking for an argument. But you were Like the other user said, why is this all you ever talk about?

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