So often, I'm walking from class to class, and I see a girl who has amazing hair, or great or crazy taste in style, or a shirt that says something awesome.
I feel the urge to just tell them "Your hair is awesome!", "I love your style!", or "awesome shirt". And a girl I know once said "you should never resist the urge to say or do something nice to someone."
And it's cool and all with guys. But with girls, I instantly feel like I'm breaking some sort of personal bubble. "Why the heck is this creep talking to me?" and I can honestly say past experiences have justified this feeling. But I feel that is a pessimistic way to go through life.
We need more people who say good things about each other. But I hate the feeling that women automatically imply nefarious intentions, or that if I compliment how she looks, that all I care about are looks. (It's not like I can compliment the personality of a complete stranger. I mean, really?)
So what kinds of compliments are okay in passing? I mean, surely there's nothing weird about saying you have lovely hair. And I'd imagine anything to do with "boobs" and "curves" are off the table. (I wouldn't really like someone randomly saying "You have a sexy d***!") But what about "you have a lovely face" or something?
An article I just read talked about issues like street harassment.
They said the part that is offensive is that when these men compliment women, they will take a "thank you" as permission to continue to follow her and hit on her. Or other guys will ignore her boundaries entirely and keep trying to get her attention.
So they say that compliments are offensive and degrading to women. Why demonize compliments, when the compliments aren't the problem, disrespect is?
I thought about this more than I should have. My apologies.
I generally feel that "Hi" and smiling works better than compliments. It's not that compliments are bad or anything, they can just be awkward in casual conversation. You do seem to know that, most girls do want to be appreciated for more than what they look like. Appreciating someone's looks does imply sexual interest and not everyone is expecting that kind of interest outside of "meat market" venues like the bar or a social event. It can take them by surprise. For example, if a man came up and told you that you had a great jawline or fantastic cheekbones ... you would probably be unsure on how to answer. Obviously, saying "thank you" is the proper way to handle a compliment, but not everyone is a social genius.
I do think people feel more confident on being complimented on style because it represents choice and individuality.
Also, keep in mind that some people are in their own world and are confused when someone talks to them -- male, female, child, adult. I can be one of those people. My thoughts are usually somewhere else, so when someone talks to me, my first reaction can be "huh?" That can come across as stuck up or dismissive, but it's really just me being lost in thought. So the "personal bubble" may not have anything to do with women thinking you're a creep, but to do with stressing over a test or worry about money or even just trying to wake up in the morning.
Any nice complement is great! Just be aware that complementing a woman will usually be interpreted as a come on, so don't complement those who you don't want to come onto. I learned this the hard way:
One time I noticed my teacher Mr.Johnson had a shirt that brought out the color of his eyes and so I happily told him. When there was an awkward silence I blurted: just an observation! And he was like: some observations are best left unsaid. Rather seriously. Lol it was so painful, so learn from my mistake!
Well, any kind of compliment is welcome. I think that even when it's a flirty one. Then I just go "thank you!" and if he takes that as a green sign and keep going I say "I'm sorry, I'm really flattered, but are you flirting? Cause, you see, I have a boyfriend." - even if I don't, when I'm not interested.
that's with some girls. Either way I like the compliment. Its simple f the guy hits on you just tell him to bug off. I like compliments on hair, clothes, smile, singing, dancing, cooking, encouraging others, helping others. I really don't need these compliment all the time. Its nice to get them some of the time!
I think its how you say it and your energy. you should play it cool and compliment someone without expecting a conversation in return. (Unless, they start conversing or bragging about where they got it from). I don't think you should randomly walk up to someone and pay them a compliment. I think that its best if they're walking pass you or you're walking pass each other, otherwise it might be awkward. You can say, "hey nice shirt" without stressing it. Just shake it off and go about your day.
You don't have to do much except glance or look. Don't stare at them in amazement or wide-eyed. Just a genuine grin will do. You just want to make yourself less creepy as possible.
If they don't say thank you back, oh well! Don't take it to heart.
You did your part, your intention was to give an honest compliment, not kiss ass.
It really depends on the girl. And to be honest, most girls will get creeped out. And that's usually because most girls are on guard..in my opinion.
I don't mean to sound like I'm showing off or anything, but I usually get on a daily basis the one compliment "I love your eyes!" or something in that context. And it's usually guys. It honestly used to creep me out quite a bit, but now I've learned that it's really just a compliment. It's really just the person wanting to express their interest in a FEATURE - not completely you since they usually don't know you. And are just being genuine. The guys are usually pretty friendly about it and I know right away that they don't have any bad intentions. However, when I am with a girlfriend of mine and this happens, they will usually say "eww what a creep". See..it really depends on the girl : )
You can comment on their clothes without looking weird. If you say: "Cool shirt" or something like that, you will not offend anyone and the person would probably say: "Thanks" or if it's a cheeky person "Yeah, I know right?" :-D Clothes is not a problem :-)
It depends on who the person is... Like this cool kid on my bus said that he loved my hair one day before I got off and it made me feel great... I didn't completely know him, but he wasn't a complete stranger either... Now if some random dude came all up in my personal bubble and said something, especially a weird compliment (like I love your lips), I would feel a little creaped out! So I guess it depends on how comfortable that person already feels around you, and what kind of compliment you give her:)
Any of those are cool and appreciated in my book.
However, I think anytime you give compliments to the opposite sex it can be perceived as interest, so just be aware of that. I give many compliments to random girls, on style, makeup, hair, face, whatever, but I'm not as free with them when it comes to guys (unless he's gay) because usually he'll think I'm hitting on him. Of course, if that's what I want him to think then it's all good. I just don't want to be accused of leading someone on.
I agree with the sentiment behind what the girl you know said, it's just other people's reactions that can be a problem. Some guys have even thought I'll be interested in hooking up/I'm DTF, just from some benign compliment, so it seems like on both sides people will take interpreting nice comments too far. I think those reactions are more extreme and dependent on environment though.