I've been married for almost 20 years and I keep finding my husband looking at other women.

Thought everything was fine until I caught him on a dating site, yahoo messanger, web caming, just looking up women. I've even told him that if he didn't quit them I would put myself on there as well and I would have a chance for him to look at me. He said he would stop and begged me not to. Well caught him again in just two weeks. My self esteem is crushed and I'm not heavy. Love how he tells me he's lucky to have me and I look amazing, but he still looks at women on the internet. I understand men look but I have a problem with the choice of going and looking them up. I've reached the point I feel like his words aren't the same as his actions.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It's been 20 years. He's probably bored with you and thought some harmless fantasy might be enough. He probably doesn't want to lose you though, because 20 years is a lot to give up, even if you are bored.

    You two should see a professional therapist.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Sometimes it's nice to look and see how crazy the dating world is in person to realize how good you have it at home.

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  • You two both need to find ways to spice up your marriage and mix things up. He may be bored and for a man that is not easy. Sorry though as I know it makes you feel badly. There are solutions and I hope you find some.

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What Girls Said 2

  • May I suggest taking some time out and speaking to a therapist about this. There's a lot of history here and probably more than you've mentioned. We can only assume what he's doing but what lead him to this is something you have not made known to us. An online forum can only help you from a very limited point of view. You may avail of a personal counselor first and then seek after couple's therapy. This would 'empower' you and then see whether he would be amenable to working on this together. I hope this finds you well.

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  • Have a talk with him. Make sure he is not cheating. I'm sorry to say this and I don't mean to alarm you. Seek professional help now. I can promise you this, you are only seeing the surface.

    I say this based on personal experience after 15 years.

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