I'm afraid for her safety and my security in our realtionship. What should I do?

I'm afraid I can't protect her. I'm not weak but I am thin. Extremely thin. So thin that when I lift (more like if) at the gym people look at me like I'm about to kill myself. Then they back off when they see everything's under control. Which is why I hate going to the gym. I'm a little above average strength but I don't look like it. I haven't been in many fights. The last time I fought was middle school. I'm not very confrontational but I don't ever cower from a fight I'm pretty good at talking people down. But here's the problem my girlfriend is gorgeous. And gets hit on quite a lot. I have yet to get into a situation where I have to fight but it's very possible. I know financially I'm good. In the looks department she thinks I'm sexy as hell. Connection wise I'm in the clear we're extremely close. And I act like I can protect her but really if a fight breaks out more than likely I'm getting my ass kicked. I can hold my own against most guys but if he's bigger than average I'm out. I would try and I definitely wouldn't quit but I'm a realistic dude. Before now none of this was a problem but recently she moved off campus to some sketchy apartments. Gunshots went off one night and now I'm terrified. My plan has always been to buy a house somewhere safe so that we'd never have to worry about this. First of all I'm scared that something may happen to her. Second I'm nervous that she'll dump me for someone more dominant and assertive. Are my fears reasonable? Do I need to beef up? She's always been very vocal about how much she likes my size but I feel like that may just be her trying to flatter me. I just don't know what to do.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Take up a martial art. An external and an internal one, and see which one suits you better. I have barely any muscle mass at all, but I'll bet I can hit, twice, if not three times as hard as people who are significantly bigger than me. Not that that will necessarily help much in a fight, especially since usually, if people start on you, it's because they're confident they can win, ie much bigger than you, or a whole group against one or two.

    So it's not the actual fighting I espouse. Any good martial art teaches you how not to fight. It's about having confidence in yourself, seeing the situation for what it is, to have the confidence to walk away. Because in reality, those situations are an interaction between two egos. It's because either party feels threatened, capable of being trampled over by another, like they have something to prove, totally unconscious, that they are willing to fight. People who are content in themselves don't fight, unless it's an absolute last resort. So you need to have that awareness to see your own insecurities, and not hide from them. That's why I like Kung Fu, with their underpinning philosophies.

    Anyway, you should take basic steps for both parties safety. Have a chat with your girlfriend. Don't go into certain areas at certain times. Because, as I say, when it comes down to it, being a good fighter, or being strong, still won't help that much against a weapon or 4 to 1.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Nah nah nah don't worry about that! No seriously there is nothing to worry about.

    Listen. Girls yap about wanting to be ~protected~, but it's all talk. Some girls have stupid fantasies about being protected by a big guy but there really isn't gonna be a situation where she expects you to literally actually protect her. She will view you also as a victim of whatever happened. Honestly, unless you go around picking fights, if someone does something to you you're just a victim of assault, don't look at it as like some posturing Viking struggle for honour. Getting into fights over girls doesn't happen - seriously. A girl probably doesn't even want a violent guy.

    And if she gets attacked, well... How likely is that, for a start? Girls are very rarely just attacked out on the street. Girl's are attacked by their boyfriends. I'm fairly certain you won't be doing this to her, right? So she's OK. And even if something does happen, if you try & do something she's still gonna think of you like her hero. Seriously - if she gets attacked, and the guy beats you, and fucking mauls her, she isn't gonna be thinking 'oh what a big strong man that was who attacked me and my boyfriend', she's gonna be thinking 'holy fuck! holy fuck! holy fuck! I need my boyfriend!' so whatever.

    Anyway you're imagining incredible crisis scenarios that aren't going to happen. 1st of all you're wealthy so the likelyhood of you coming up against people with guns is very very slim that just doesn't happen to the bourgeoisie. Second of all people don't fight over women these days this isn't 18th century aristocratic england. And third of all girls seriously don't look for displays of dominance, they don't, seriously. The protector fantasy is all just fantasy. A girl will much more prefer someone who sits with her and comforts her and cares for her than someone who walks around with his sword drawn defending her from dragons like some Ken Kelly painting. Honestly...

    So no, no, really, do not worry. Your girlfriend is not at any risk because of your scrawny body. She is probably quite happy with you, I swear! She likes your little body, I think she is being honest. A lot of girls do like smaller men. Maybe she doesn't even have protector fantasies. Either way, you don't have to do ANYTHING, don't be a goof.

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  • Did your girlfriend say or imply that she wants you to protect her?

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    • No not directly but she was very vocal about how terrified she is at her apartment building these days. So I just assumed. And she has hid behind me a few times before in situations were she felt endangered so I guess she has a little bit.

    • Well, I don't think it matters what kind of physical strengh you have either way.

  • Don't obsess on it that will make you go crazy and it could make her like you less if you get OCD about it.

    Try to focus on the things which are working well.

    Not all guys are muscled up.

    I've been single most of my life and no man ever protected me and I am still alive.

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  • I hate guys who fight, personally. Also, if these criminals have guns, your size doesn't matter. You could always try learning some martial arts if that makes you feel more secure.

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What Guys Said 3

  • If you feel you need to get bigger or bulky then do it. Do something or anything that would make you feel good under your skin. I've been there. In fact I used to be very skinny and somewhat short in high school from all the intense running for cross country.I was 5'5 and 145 pounds I probably Gained like 5 lbs since. I've worked on it and I'm not exactly a monster haha but I am definitely stronger and look and feel better in my own skin. Getting bigger is something you work on. I know that's feeling a the gym as well I just deal with it. I've always tried to compensate for my weight and size. I've seen people with over 50 pounds on me and taller than me who can't lift the same weight as me. Just work on it dude and you'll get there

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  • The idea that she might leave you seems silly.

    Are your fears about safety unreasonable? No. Bad things happen ALL THE TIME.

    About the fighting a douche bag at a club thing. If he starts it and he's twice your size, I would not think less of you if you pepper sprayed him before you beat his defenseless ass. Just like the Japanese in World War II. Don't start shit you can't finish.

    Buy a gun. Learn to use it. Buy her a gun too. It's your right to not be victimized. People seem to get confused about that because there's so much emphasis on the weak dominating the strong in this fucked up society we live in. But the reality is that strong cavemen used weapons.

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  • Don't fight, that's what you do. Cavemen fight. Smart men walk away and don't escalate the problem.

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