At least once a week, I have a day when I look in the mirror and feel disgusted. It's like all the fat is bulging out monstrously. I look at my face and I can literally find fault with every single detail. I don't speak because I hate the sound of my own voice and I hate what I say and think and do because everyone else can speak, think, and act better. And at the end of the day, I just cry, usually for at least an hour. I go to bed wondering if life is even worth it.
Most days I struggle to leave my dorm room. I spend hours in front of the mirror trying to find something else to fix, one more thing to do before leaving, and then I stand in front of the door to the hallway, trying to convince myself it's okay to leave, that I look fine, that no one cares, that I need to go, but sometimes I just can't.
I don't self-harm. I don't starve myself or anything like that. I've never actually attempted suicide. I just feel hopeless and unlikable and hideous.
The few times I've tried to tell someone how I felt, they blew me off. Said I was exaggerating, said everyone gets like that, said it's a phase, but... I've been like this for almost nine years. And I don't understand how anyone functions well if everyone feels like this. Am I just missing some kind of coping method everyone else knows about? Or do I have an actual problem?
Sorry for the length. Please help...
Most Helpful Guy
Oh dear. s:
Well, it's true that many people deal with these kinds of feelings, but I do think the people you've talked to are underestimating what you're going through. That being said, you should be honest to yourself and wonder if you don't do things to get people's attention, whether you don't sometimes exaggerate to make people feel sorry for you. I'm not trying to accuse you of such things, but it's important to be critical of yourself in this way. You also shouldn't feel bad about want that kind of attention. It's normal to feel that way, to want those things, but it's better to be honest about it, both for yourself and for those around you.
I advise you to start seeing a psychologist. They can help a lot with these kinds of things. I would also urge you to find a more supportive environment. People who tend to go through this kind of thing are often not getting the right feedback from those around them. You need friends who are understanding enough to help you through these things and who make you feel good about yourself.
I wish you the best of luck. You seem like a wonderful person.0