If looks aren't suppose to matter all that much to women?

Than how come most of them would rather date a good looking/hot guy then one whose average looking. And what I also don't understand is I'm always hearing women tell me to be more confident and still get shot down and it doesn't matter who I approach they can be a 8+ or a 3 and nothing happens. I stopped talking to woman and girls because of this reason. Why should I waste my time and breath when the girl I'm talking too is just going to reject and ignore me. Maybe its me or maybe its just bad luck. I even decided to try okcupid and was 100% honest I said I was fat which is true, I also said I was ugly which is also true. And only got two response well one because one of them was a man lol. And no I'm not gat or bi (not that there's anything wrong with that) I did put my pic up on there but I said all those things because I wanted to see how many women actually care more about looks than the person? And so far it seems most women care about looks.

Updates:
I can't even ask a legit honest question without getting ridiculed.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Looks matter plenty to women.

    Women just have more things they judge men on.

    Men basically want an attractive girl with a good personality.

    Women want an attractive man, but have more areas that they judge men on. They looks at LAMPS.

    Looks
    Athleticism
    Money
    Power (this goes to confidence and how sure you are of yourself/game)
    Status

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    • Women are shallow but will never admit to it. The difference between men and women is A man would actually go out with a fat woman but no woman would ever go out with a fat guy unless he was good looking/rich.

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    • If you've got money, fat guy thin wife is more common then the reverse.

    • @kheserthorpe exactly women are shallow. And two AndyWes Agreed

What Girls Said 8

  • Where did you get the idea that women don't care about looks?

    Women are people too, we like good looking guys. we have sex drives too.

    that being said, ugly guys CAN be sexy. it is rare but does happen. only if he is super masculine and confident though. so I wouldn't advise most guys to rely on being ugly and still pulling girls. just work on ur looks so u can look as appealing as u can, or lower your standards. u can't be a nickel expecting a dime

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    • I did say it doesn't matter who I approach rather their a 8+ or a 3 I still get rejected. If I were to say I only want the perfect 10 I would be shallow? But for some unknown reason its totally accepted for women to be shallow? My god what's wrong with people.

  • I am always amused by questions where men contemplate or decide to "give up" on dating and speaking to women, implying that instead of self-reflection and realization that perhaps one person is the problem (i. e. himself), he broods under the idea that every breathing woman is the complication.

    You say that you have heeded advice to become confident. There is no one type of confidence. No one likes arrogant confidence, pessimistic confidence, and confidence that is more whiny than anything else. You mentioned that you were honest on your OKCupid profile, which is a great step, but including a self-hating thing like "I'm ugly" is not a good first impression. The only time that that could be entertaining is if it was used in a light, obviously comedic way.

    I don't believe you are confident. I believe you are hurt, that you doubt yourself, and that you are somewhat resentful. For someone to love you, you need to first love yourself. Very few people are interested in entering a relationship that bodes trouble from the beginning... whoever I end up dating, I want to help him be a better person, but I cannot make him a better person. I have enough to work on regarding myself! We all must be proactive with our own lives.

    @Update: No one is ridiculing you. Instead of taking responsibility, it is again you who blame those that you credit as "being against you," or in your own words "Classic female tourettes, its always the guy who's at fault never the woman." I will be bold here and say that I would not enjoy being in a relationship with someone who has such a mindset. Could that change? Absolutely, if I otherwise liked him and saw him truly willing to put his all in.

    And, as I always say, you have no right to find love. Harsh? No, not in my opinion. We all have the opportunity and prospect of it, if we're willing to put in the work, but no man or woman is obligated to love us.

    I will include a few article links in the comments (I have run out of room here).

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  • Maybe try not to be so defensive? I know a lot of average looking guys who I wouldn't date simply because they have the ego of a hot guy but the looks of a frog. You are blaming women when maybe you should look at what you may doing wrong. Are you easily offended? Do you think your personality is incredibly amazing? If so, maybe you should focus on being kind and not making it about you. Don't do an action hoping to get something out of it. To assume all girls go for hot guys is ridiculous. To be thinking of girls as a number is childish. My ex boyfriend was considered over weight while I am in great shape. I liked him because he was kind. You sound upset at women and that can be really obvious when you talk to one.

    For all I know you are a nice guy, but you may need to learn to flirt and not get friendzoned. So many guides out there that could help you. I suggest googling it.

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    • If you saw the crap that's been thrown my way on here you'd see why I'm so defensive. I am blaming women cause their hypocrites they say they don't care about looks but yet always pass up the average looking guys. And he's your Ex because he probably wasn't that good looking and like you said out of shape. What's the point of trying and acting nice to women? They don't want nice they want aggressive. And FYI flirting only works for good looking guys.

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    • If you knew me, you'd know that I would rather be in physical pain than intentionally deride, taunt, or demean someone in the way you apparently think I am. You have been directly and inadvertently insulting me in nearly every thing you post, yet I still return. I am not trying to hurt you, and I am not lying to you.

    • Actually, I found him very good looking and I was in love with him. We had a child together. We broke up because he has anger issues that I didn't want to deal with with a child in the picture.

  • There's so many different types of people in the world, it's impossible to apply generalizations to women or men as a whole. There are women and men in the world who are superficial and care only about looks, and there's women and men in the world who are not superficial and really do care about the inner person.

    I don't care how many girls you've approached or been rejected by, or how many superficial girls you have met, that does NOT mean that all females care more about looks than the inner person. Most people do have a "type." Some women like tall, macho guys, some women like thin, nerdy guys, the list can literally go on and on. But one thing I do know about many females is that, you may not necessarily be there "type", but if you have a wonderful personality and many good qualities about yourself, many females are able to look past your outer appearance and love the inner. I have been attracted to quite a few guys who do not look at ALL like what I consider to be an attractive male, simply because I loved their personality!

    So instead of stressing about what you look like, or girls rejecting you, or whatever else, simply focus on you! Honestly, it works! Do an extremely in-depth self-examination of who you are as a person and work really hard at getting rid of the negative aspects of your personality and building up the positive. If you have a friend or family member who you are close to or knows you well then ask them to give an honest assessment of who you are as a person. Do NOT get offended at anything they may say. Humbly accept their feedback and work on yourself. I regularly ask my family members and friends what they think of me. I've been told I need to be more thoughtful and kinder. It's hard, but I'm working on it! That's what you have to do.

    People are drawn to others with admirable qualities. So if you take time to really work on yourself, trust me, you will find a GREAT girl, no matter how long it takes! And no matter WHAT you look like.

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  • It's not that looks are completely irrelevant. It's more like a scale. The maximum a guy can get is 5 points for looks and 5 for personality. Who wouldn't want a 10? But if a girl will settle for a 7 then he can be a 5 in looks and 2 in personality or 2 in looks but a full 5 in personality. Basically where the physical fails the personality has to pick up the slack. And likewise just because I guy is physically perfect he won't do much for a woman unless he's at a reasonable level on the personality scale. I say personality but I mean everything non-physical.

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    • So in other words if the guy isn't above a 5 in looks and acts like a jerk he ain't getting no one.

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    • One minute I'm a hypocrite the next your trying to help me? I am being realistic I've learned never to trust women, or girls, and also learned that no matter how confident I am or seem I'm never going to be good enough so why bother.

    • No, I said, and I quote: "you are behaving the hypocrite." I did not condemn you one. You are showing signs of hypocrisy in speech, and you are claiming others to be hypocrites. If I didn't want to help you, do you seriously think I would dedicate so much of my night to reading through the other comments, posts, and leave multiple responses of my own?

      I am sad that you feel you can never trust women. I know it is a lot to ask, but please have trust that I AM trying to offer a hand to you.

  • Dude!! Looks matter! They just shouldn't be the basis for everything!

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    • Your right the guy also has to be Tall, rich, hung etc.

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    • Right skully, i bet if we were in person youd be just another shy introvert kid and wouldn't say any of this crap to people or making fun of any one

    • No I would still go up to you and tell you to piss off.

  • Of course looks are a big part of attraction.

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What Guys Said 14

  • It is not that looks don't matter to women - it's that they are not the be-all and end-all of a womans decision making process. Men tend to think that women put a higher emphasis on things like looks and bank account and penis size, than they actually do.

    Women do care about looks. Just not as much as some men think they care.

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  • relative to men, women tend to be less shallow where looks are concerned, but it doesn't mean they don't care about looks. I feel more sorry for ugly women in this world than I do for ugly men. though i have sympathy for both. Now for starters, you can't make an online profile and deride yourself in your own description. Online dating is competitive for men, and you need to put your best foot forward. You don't need to lie, but you need to showcase your strengths, and not come across as a depressive wreck. Sometimes, you need to actually put yourself in the shoes of a woman. If i were a woman, and saw a guy with a profile like what you made, i probably wouldn't look twice. You've got to do better. I don't really know how ugly you actually are, but people (myself included) often look at themselves worse than they really are. I try not to focus on things that I can't change, because there's no point lamenting when i could actually be out there chatting women up. I've seen many ugly guys with women honestly.

    Confidence helps, but nothing is guaranteed in life. You should work on getting confident because it will benefit you in almost every area of your life, not just picking up women. That's the way i see it. People in general will always prefer to date someone who is most attractive to them, and that's just reality. Some guys, after realizing this, revert to the fetal position in a corner somewhere, while others say w/e and challenge the odds. It's up to you to decide which position you will take

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    • In all honesty I wouldn't care if woman looked at my profile or not. I'm never going to meet those women anyways.

  • My friends and I used to play the numbers game in college when we'd go to the club. If you ask enough girls to dance, you could eventually find one to go home with you. Maybe this didn't work every time, but for the most part it was a pretty successful tactic. We could get shot down 20 times in a row, but it didn't matter as long as the 21st girl didn't, because it meant still getting laid.

    Dating should be played the same way. If you see a girl that you want to talk to, do it. Guys get shot down all the time, but all it takes is the one that feels the same way back to you. The difference between you being single, and some other average looking guy with a hot girlfriend, is that he didn't swear off women after getting shot down (likely many times). So, man up, get back out there, stop the self-loathing, be positive, and don't give it a second thought about getting shot down. You will eventually find someone.

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    • I wish I could believe you but the majority of women see my face and ignore I'm even around. I've learned to just look and never say anything. I would need plastic surgery and a big swiss ban account to get a yes.

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    • Trust me its my looks because I'm actually a nice in person its easier for me to let off steam online than it is in person because if I did I would be thrown in jail. Why should I smile? Girls/women still ignore me laugh at me and still reject me so why bother?

    • anonymous6231, good points on numbers and attitude! I ompletely agree with your assessment of the situation. Chocolate, I have no idea what your face looks like or how big you are, but even if you hadn't mentioned either I would never have considered you after your self-pitying rant, your victim mentality and blaming others for your misfortunes. Stop b*tching and try harder.

  • Looks are a lesser piece of the pie for a female's selection equation, but it does matter!

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    • I agree but why do they lie to a guy who's average looking and tell him looks don't matter to them when it does?

    • Those girls are simply pointing to the larger part of the pie (the non-looks elements!)

  • I always wonder why people ask questions when they've already decided on what THEY think the answer should be. This is all you talk about, that's why people are talking to you this way. Everyone cares about looks, including you. You claiming it's all women care about is childish.

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    • Wtf are you talking about.

    • I never said I didn't care about looks, but the majority of women say they don't but date good looking guys. If I said I wanted only good looking women I'm shallow.

    • I was referring to your update where you, like you always do, whined about people here "ridiculing" you. Stop acting like you know women and what they want. It's crystal clear you have no idea and you obviously don't care to know.

  • Looks matter a little less to women then they do to men, but they still matter. They also matter more for women in casual dating then more serious relationships, though I wouldn't advise you to get a serious relationship with a woman who wouldn't be interested in you short term as well.

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  • There are plenty of guys who are considered sexy (including celebs, TV anchors, etc) who actually are kinda ugly at "face value", but with social mobility, personality, and other qualities in the mix they are irresistible.

    Now if the guy is self-loathing and needy and full of self-pity and lacks confidence, he's out of the game ugly or not - so in that case, sure, bad looks do add insult to injury.

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    • But those ugly celebs are rich a woman would sleep with a guy who looks like road kill if it meant getting his money. I'm not bitter I could of made moves on women but choose not too simply because I knew she would just laugh and reject me. So why should I waste my time?

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    • Mine very special

    • Righttttttttttttttttt.

  • To be honest of course I would be seriously attracted and want to fate a 9-10/10 girl, I mean who wouldn't?

    But to be honest most hot and attractive girls have a low IQ and a bad personality, so in terms of dating, I think I would rather go for the average looking girl. It gives me a better image as well.

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    • Agreed most women believe they should be treated like queens because their women. No matter how nice I am to them I get rejected, ignored laughed at etc so why should I treat them special?

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    • You can believe whatever you want I try showing you and other on here respect and it just gets thrown back in my face. SO why should I show anyone on this site respect?

    • Your not listening to what I'm trying to tell you. If looks don't matter to women and I'm not a jerk in person because since you claimed women hate jerks and they don't seem to like nice guys because their boring. So I ask u again if they hate jerks, nice guys and guys who aren't good looking then what the hell do they want then? This isn't some fairy tale.

  • Lift weight to make up for the looks and small disk lmao

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    • LOL I'd still get rejected and ignored.

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    • Yes u tell him gurl! ;)

    • I live on earth and yes women are evil.

  • You're not being ridiculed for your question, you're being ridiculed for your belligerence towards other people in your responses to their honest answers.

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    • If I would of said I prefer only hot women over average looking ones, I'd be called a perv, a jerk, an asshole so technically I can't win.

    • Asker, that is not at all true. Everyone is attracted to the conventionally attractive. There is nothing wrong with that. You would not be called a perv or a jerk, you would just be encouraged to think realistically about life and your aims in a relationship.
      The problems arise when people put the highest of importance on finding someone who meets the super model criteria. We all have lovely aspects about us, but there are few who are indisputably "hot."

  • think of it this way man were all animals. we are looking for better genes. so what genes does a woman want? wel she needs two main things a protector one who looks confident knows he can do the job. one who ooks good so her kids will look good and what looks good? in shape guys who look more likely to survive. so where do you think you stand here?

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  • Who told you girls dont care about looks? It would be like you, would you pick the ugly chick or megan fox if they both showed the same amount of interest in you?

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    • I know they care about looks, I just hate those girls who tell a guy looks don't matter and when the guy makes a move he gets rejected? I don't find Meagan Fox that attractive.

    • Bud if you dont like something about yourself, change it. Thats how i think of it? Im no super model but i improve my looks little by litttle and work out so i lose some fluffiness as well, thats my advise

    • change why should I, you or other guys change? Whatever happened to its what's on the inside that counts? I get haircuts, dress in normal clothes show people I'm talking too respect and still get rejected and disrespected.

  • Congratulations you've been formally introduced to hypocrisy.

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