My husband thinks I look like a whore?

He said he wants me to dress more modest. I'm offended by that. Obviously.
I'm not so sure what to be more offended about him thinking I dress slutty or him suggesting I change?

We just got married 2 months ago and he just got reassigned so it's our first time living together (on post) and appearently "the guys" have been talking about me.
Now I am not crazy, I do already dress normal. I don't wear low cut shirts, short skirts or tight jeans. This time of the year I mostly wear stuff like this

fashionistatrends.com/.../spring-outfits-45.jpg
fashionistatrends.com/.../spring-outfits-311.jpg

I do work at A&F par time while getting the last few credits for my degree but I hardly wear their stuff outside of work
pinkswag.com/.../...tch-Spring-2012-Lookbook-4.jpg
abercrombiemania.c.blog.so-net.ne.jp/.../new-looks9.jpg

So really I don't know what they were talking about? Or is it me?
I'm mad he would even suggest I dress differently would you be?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think this is his problem... not yours, you are young and not wearing slutty stuff at all !!! This sounds more like his insecurity than anything else !!!
    I would talk to him, tell him how his comments make you feel, and also if you have not changed yourself at all ( which I doubt in a few months ) of him marrying you... why expect you to dress like a vicars wife overnight?, because some guys have commented about you !

    He probably feels threatened that if other men think you look attractive... you will leave him, have an affair etc. Just put his mind at rest and let him know that..."this is me.. how I have always dressed " and just because a couple of guys may have commented or said suggestive things doesn't mean you are doing any thing wrong, why change yourself because of that, he married you like that because he obviously loved you. You wouldn't expect him to change for you overnight if some girls commented he was a bit of alright ! you would just feel proud of him and think "yeh he is and he's with me "

    It's more than likely his own fears of you straying... just needs his mind to be put at rest I think !!!
    Hope this helps :)

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    • I get it bothers him, but it's not my fault they talk. They still would no matter what I wear

      I've been thinking, you know always wear stuff that is too short, too tight or whatever at home. Like stuff that I bought and I washed once or twice and then half my butt was hanging out. Maybe he doesn't really pay attention to that I don't go out like that

What Guys Said 8

  • It sounds like you dress normally. You just happen to be hot. That's why the guys talk about you.

    You might want to gently point out to him that you're dressing normally and it must be a terrible burden for him to have a hot wife, you understand its terrible for you too having a hot husband. It must be so nice for ugly couples, right :p

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    • I'm not so sure that's it tbh. I'm sure they've seen pretty girls before, why talk about me? when I'm married to their friend? Why not pick some other random girl?

      I mean my friends said that he is handsome but it was clearly a compliment not threatening or whatever he's thinking

  • If that's what you wear, he's an idiot. Does he want you to wear a burka?

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  • I don't think you're dessing slutty and trying to show off your hardwear. I've met whores who would dress a little more conservatively than you outside of work hours (but not by much), and a lot less conservatively on the job.
    I think he's grossly exaggerating.

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  • maybe it's not your clothes, but how much make up you put on or how noticeable it is. Or it could be that your husband is just a tad jealous.

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    • I don't wear make up, only a bit of mascara when going out

  • a lot of guys use this trick when they want to say something offensive to their girlfriends... like "the guys say you're a slut" or "my friends think you're bitchy"... if that's what the guys said he should have stood up for you in the first place... second it sounds like he is an insecure control freak... and finally if a guy calls women sluts he's a lost cause... run from him...

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    • well he didn't phrase it that way, those were my words, but I think basically that's what he's saying. And I may have exaggerated with the phrasing to make a point.

      What he actually said was that some of the guys were talking and it made him uncomfortable so he's appreciate it if wore something that covers up more

    • i see... i still think he could have said his wife could wear what she felt like wearing and what she'd find comfortable... if he said it in a nice and polite way then it's up to you to decide whether or not to do him this favor...

  • Hit him back by saying "Yeah... Perhaps that's why you married me".

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  • If the outfits you linked are truly representative of what your husband has a problem with, and there is nothing more to this story than what you are telling us, then your husband is out of line. That is a big IF though.

    In general I think it's wrong for a wife to flaunt herself for anyone but her husband. It's rude and disrespectful toward him.

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    • No I'm sure that's how I dress, my dad is a general who felt the need to approve of every single outfit since I have been 15 until I moved out.

      Although where there are heels in the pic, I usually wear flats

  • I'm like him I don't like other to see any part of my wife's body , I'm so jealous and even if your clothes are decent I'd ask you for more.

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    • So what would you want her to wear then? A burka?

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    • Don't be dumb. Just because she's married doesn't mean she has to cover herself up. As long as she's not dressing like a street walker, she's fine.

    • The thing is I do cover up, buy our standarts. We don't live in the middle east, it's unacceptable to wear stuff like a burka. I mean can you imagine the gossip then?
      It's acceptable the way I dress

What Girls Said 10

  • There's nothing wrong with the clothes you're wearing, at least if those pictures are really representative. They aren't remotely inappropriate or "slutty". In fact they seem pretty and very classy. Your husband needs to be more respectful of your personal choices and your right to wear what you wish to. It's really not acceptable for him to be telling you what to wear that way, it crosses a line. You are not his child. I would recommend having a talk with him and explaining why it's offensive to you.

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    • I've been thinking, you know always wear stuff that is too short, too tight or whatever at home. Like stuff that I bought and I washed once or twice and then half my butt was hanging out. Maybe he doesn't really pay attention to that I don't go out like that

    • That's possible. It would be worth pointing that distinction out to him if it seems like that could be part of it.

  • Unfortunately, with abusive relationships, it's normal for controlling behavior to start around this time (right after marriage). Keep your guard up and remember he has no right to tell you what to wear. You ARE dressing modestly now, although your clothes do flatter your body (which is a good thing). If he wants you to wear clothes that aren't flattering, then something's wrong with him.

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  • You dress very nice.

    Your husband seems very insecure and doesn't want people finding you even the least bit
    attractive.
    He is threatened by others because he doesn't want to lose you and feels bad about himself.

    Don't change your style for another person.
    Change it because it's something you want to do.

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  • He sounds like he wants to control you and this might get worse as things go on. Also he has no business telling you that you dress like a whore. Couldn't he have said it in a nicer way? I think he's just mad at you for being good looking enough to attract other guys while married. He might think you dress like a whore even if you were to dress conservatively all the time and did not have that job at abercrombie and fitch. Be careful and if he abuses you get the marriage annulled.

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    • well he did say it nicer. One night he said he wanted to talk and told me that the guys were talking about me and he'd appriciate it if I'd chose different clothes from now on. But basically he was saying he agrees with them, that I dress slutty

    • Yeah he is blaming you for being good looking because he is worried that you are going to cheat on him with other guys.

  • It sounds like he is just really upset about the guys talking about you on post. I don't think he thinks you are a whore! I think he is mad about the guys and can't do anything about it, so he is taking his frustration out on you. I don't see anything wrong with those outfits! Maybe some could be short? I can't really tell. But, nothing compared to what others wear!!! I think, you need to talk to him about it.. and try to ask him if there is a way you can both deal with this guy talking about you in some other manner other than making you change the way you dress.. afterall, he did marry you for you, did he not? If this doesn't help, tell him to propose something you should wear. Just tell him to show you what he would like... most likely he will realize he is being a little illogical and apologize. Are you wearing overly cleavage shirts? That could be it as well.. nothing really else to think of.. those pics are not bad at all.

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    • I get he's upset they were talking. But honestly I don't know what they talk about

      No I don't wear shirts wearing a lot of cleaverage. At least not in public, I have fairly big boobs for my frame so shirts can easily look like showing too much, but I pay attention to it, I really o

    • I think you just need to talk to him... level with him... try to understand... its pretty much all men around there an he always has to hear them talking about how sexy you are... if you were in his shoes... it might bother you as well? like if a bunch of girls saw him with his shirt off and talked about how much they wanted to sleep with him and stuff.. ya know?

  • Those look like modest clothes. I could understand if you were parading around in nothing but daisy dukes and a bra but those clothes are super cute! Maybe you should ask exactly what bothers him about certain clothes you wear. For example, does he think they're too short or too tight? Even though I wouldn't understand his seeing your clothes that way if you really do dress like the examples you gave.

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    • I asked that, he doesn't have anything in particular, just in general

  • Well the links you posted look completely fine, not at all "slutty".

    I mean, I think you should try approach this reasonably. Ask him what he doesn't like about what you wear, and what he would rather you wear. If you think what he says is unfair, explain to him that you dress the same as you did before you were married, and he should accept that.

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  • your husband sounds insecure becasue u dress fine. I think u need to have a talk with him cos u really do seem modest, he is the one with the issue. I think most of the people have said it right when they said he might be jealous or annoyed that other guys are talking about you. talk to him nd reassure him. Good luck!!

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    • I get it bothers him, but it's not my fault they talk.

      I've been thinking, you know always wear stuff that is too short, too tight or whatever at home. Like stuff that I bought and I washed once or twice and then half my butt was hanging out. Maybe he doesn't really pay attention to that I don't go out like that

    • talk to to him, ask him why and what kind of things that you wear outside that makes him feel uncomfortable. Tell him to pin point what makes an outfit whorish. I hope he is not abusive and calling u names?

  • Sounds like he just wants control, I'd be careful. Stay who you are

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  • He sounds like he has control issues.

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