One of my younger friends, Icyfire101, requested some advice on flirting and I promised to respond. A man should always keep his promises, so here are my thoughts on that subject.
When I was a younger man, I was a big loser with women. I was a shy, high IQ nerd who was overweight, inexperienced, and lacked confidence . . . like many of the users on G@G today. Now, I am a not shy, high IQ nerd who is not as much overweight, but much more experienced and much more confident. I have dated many women, had serious relationships, and been married. Here are my observations for flirting with a girl you want to ask out for a date.
1. Pick the right girl. If you are a redneck motorhead, what are the odds that the captain of the cheerleading squad wants to go out with you? There are no guarantees on anything in life but why go after someone who is unattainable? When I was in high school, a realistic goal for me would have been a National Honor Society-type who was maybe a 5/10 or a 6/10. If you have selected a girl who is actually attainable, you will have a better chance of projecting some confidence when you approach her.
2. Pick the right time and the right place. Don't wait until 30 seconds before class begins to start a conversation. She may dismiss you simply because she is in a hurry to get to her class. Select a time when she will not be in a hurry, like lunchtime, after school, when she is sitting in a coffee shop.
She probably doesn't want you to approach her when she is with a group of her friends. Why? She may feel awkward about your approach, maybe just as awkward as you feel. She certainly doesn't want to expose her awkwardness to a bunch of her friends. And you shouldn't want other people around to divert her attention from you. And, in the worst case scenario, how many witnesses do you want to have standing around listening if she tells you that she's really not interested? A. Zero.
3. Have your conversation planned. The reason most guys feel awkward with approaching girls is that they are afraid they won't think of anything to say and they'll look dumb as a sack full of hammers. So plan what you're going to say so that you won't be fumbling for words.
4. What not to say. Most girls are not very impressed with canned "pickup" lines. How many guys ever got a date by asking a girl, "Did it hurt . . . when you fell from heaven?" or "If I told you that you have a great body, would you hold it against me?" Why don't these lines work? They aren't original, they show that you've put in very little effort, you are treating her as just another girl, you obviously aren't being yourself, and most girls pride themselves on not falling for pickup lines.
5. What to say. Find out something about the girl in advance. What are her interests? Music? Dancing? Concerts? Food? What subject would she feel confident talking about? Most people like to "show off" their knowledge in certain areas, so give her an opportunity. "Hey. I've heard you're really into classic rock music. That's pretty cool [Hey, I'm 60 years old, so cut me some slack, jack! That's what I would say to a girl.] I really like listening to Styx. What's your favorite group?"
At some point, you will make major progress if you crack a joke that makes her laugh. Women love a guy with a sense of humor - always and forever. It is a universal truth.
6. How to say it. How you say it is as important as what you say. A lack of confidence will send women running. They will view you as a "slow developer" or a "late bloomer" who might be an interesting social work project for someone else. This doesn't mean that you should cop an attitude and act cocky or arrogant; those don't work either. Just try to sound like you are not nervous and that you are expecting her answer to be "yes."
7. How to respond when she talks. Too many guys get a girl talking and while she's talking, they're thinking of what they're going to say next. Wrong move! What you should do is . . . listen! One of the goals in dating is to learn more about your partner but you won't leartn anything if you're not listening. And what you say next should very possibly be a response to what she said. So listen!
8. Flattery. Most girls want to be flattered but you need to pick the right subject and it needs to be "not too much." If you have just met a girl, telling her that she has a beautiful behind will probably not score a winning touchdown. If you tell her that she's the most beautiful creature who ever walked on the face of the earth, she is not going to think that you are being sincere. Try something a little more subtle, like, "You know, every time I see you get really excited about something, it like . . . your eyes just kind of sparkle and it really gets my attention."
9. Have a plan for how you segue [look it up] into an invitation. At some point in the conversation, you want to invite her to spend time with you on another occasion. Have your transition planned. If she's a foodie, at some point, say "I heard that new Italian restaurant is awesome. Would you like to try it with me sometime?" or "Hey, I heard the Little River Band's playing in Daytona Beach next week. Woud you like to go if I can get tickets?" or something more laid back, like "Would you like to come over to my house next Saturday night and listen to some old classics?"
10. Have an exit strategy. If you get a rejection, remember a few things:
a. If girls were coming up to you and asking you for a date, you would not want to date every one of them who asked, right?
b. When you walk away, you testicles will still be attached.
c. Rather than act embarrassed, just have some bravado and say, "Okay. Good talking to you," and walk away. You'll survive.
I hope these tips will help you to start talking to more women. Remember, there is someone for everyone; if you talk to enough girls, you will find one who is right for you.
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