How to (not) Approach Girls

Anonymous

1. Eye Contact


How to (not) Approach Girls


Stare at the floor all the time or stare at her boobs uninhibitedely. You can give some sudden glances to her eyes as well but only with a creepy and forced crystal-clearely fake-confidence look in a mix of constipation and mr bean sexiness.


2. Smiling


How to (not) Approach Girls


Either smile like a retard the whole time or be dead serious like you are in your grandma's funeral or pretending that laughing is too mundane and peasant-ish for your highness. Creepy robotic Governor- Terminator smiles can be signaled only with great timing between the moments the girls is searching for the closest exit, and regretting the moment she responded to your creepy trembling voice.


3. Body language


How to (not) Approach Girls


Shake your body all the time like you got a seizure. Switch unpredictably to a forced cool posture and ultra slow motion movement and pretend a totally detectable and fake confidence while trying to seem cool only to be completely exposed and embarassed by your complete inability to read social cues and body language subtleties. Move your hands in an uncontrollable manner and exaggerate your already exaggerated movements in general. Make sure you picture in your head the worst possible scenarios of what she thinks about you and how much you repulse her while having subtly little fantasies of marrying her and being her soulmate till the end of times under a cheesy sunset romantic setting.


4. Starting a conversation


How to (not) Approach Girls


Don't! let her do all the speaking. Smile in an awkward way until she starts talking (for more information see number 2- which you have already read you goldfish memory retard). During the conversation -or better her monologue- try to give her the impression you don't give a shit about what she goes through and what she has to say in general. That exudes confidence and shows how much of a badass bad boy you are. And it's universally known that women love bad boys.


5. Asking for her number


How to (not) Approach Girls


Be creative say the most cheesy and ever-failing seduction lines you know while reciting medieval poetry. This way you will show that you are both a modern player and a chivalrous knight gentleman. The start juggling with working chainsaws and doing stants with your little cousin's bmx or you grandma's over-pimped chevrolet caprice. And witness the miracle happening while the girl is writing her number with her lipstick on your back glass while grabbing from you airplanewings- sized airfoil and dripping a totally followable line of wetness on the road from her ever soaking panties. Congrats! your goal is achieved. you got her number. as 99% of the seduction coaches i teach you too that the seduction stops at taking her number. that's all there is to be done. It magically and instantly makes her 90 pounds fatter, empties your (already empty) credit card, gives you a shiny hairstyle (euphimism for baldness), a mortgaged cockroach filled house, and gives birth to two married 40 year olds with great jobs and college degrees. Congrats! the purpose of your life has been fulfilled. You can die in peace now.


Oh and I shall not forget: If you happen to be blessed with poverty or a small penis (below 5 inches for the average sloot, below 8 for cosmo readers, freaks of nature and porn-watchers) then you are advised to try as many approaches as you humanly can. Success chance is increased by 919% in a power (^) of your bucks increase after the most costy date you've been at (minimum), and you shall never ever be lying alone on a bed ever again. (winked eye).


That was all little grasshopers. Now get out there and grab life from the hair. (Not advised when life wears a wig).

How to (not) Approach Girls
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