Let me first preface by saying, I am not an expert. I'm not trying to be pretentious, and I'm certainly no Casablanca. So please spare me the pugnacious comments. I also realize this may be in-depth and appear to be complex, but to someone who is nervous at this stuff, it's good to break it down. Lastly, this is applicable for the US. I don't know if these techniques would work or not in other westernized countries, I assume they would but I have no idea. I simply thought I'd share something that I do have some successful experience with.
Lots of guys tell themselves, "oh I just go to the gym, with my headphones on, and don't talk to anyone, because I'm just soooo dedicated to lifting." But the gym is a wonderful community to meet others, make great friends, and meet dates. A host of opportunities are missed with that mentality. The gym is a great venue to meet women in uni/college, and especially after. I realized quickly that dating requires much more effort on both parties post-college. Everyone is busy and people in their 20s are more segregated. Based on my experience, the gym is the single greatest place to meet people especially after college.
First let's talk about what NOT to do
You're pumping out bench presses and then sit up after your set and you notice her. She's perfect, she's an angel just floating on the elliptical. If you pay attention long enough you'll notice a few types of general approaches:
1. The personal trainer wannabe that goes up to "spot her" and give her unwanted, unsolicited advice.
2. The meathead the flexes near her and then walks up to her (still flexing) and hopes she'll swept off her feet at the first sight of those Hulk-like traps.
3. The guy that perfectly plans his routine to time it just right to ambush her at the water fountain.
4. The guy that follows her around all over the gym, stalking her.
These are all the wrong approaches. However, in my observation, many women that routinely go to the gym WANT to meet men. But they are so used to all the wrong approaches. So your job is to NOT be another wrong approach.
Let's talk about what TO do
First, become a regular. As a regular, you'll know the the gym. It's your home. Notice who is there when you are, who is new, who the veterans are. You know the trainers, you know the front desk workers by name. She'll see you chatting it up with them. Have you noticed how women check out men much more often when he is with ANOTHER woman?
Providing social validation increases your perceived status, which helps bring her guard down and gives you an "in" because she has assurance that if several people think you are normal enough not to be a total wierdo and talk to you, then you might just be worth her time.
Second, be confident. You'd be surprised how many muscleheads suffer from mild to extreme cases of social anxiety, insecurities, etc. At the gym, one thing you can be sure of is that people notice what everyone is doing. As you approach, you need to expect other guys (or even girls!) notice and literally stop what they are doing and watch you, or subtly listen in to see how suave you are.
Timing is key, don't ambush her. Walk up to her when she is away from the middle of a workout. Try to make eye contact as you walk up to her, and SMILE. You need to be confident to go up, introduce yourself, ask her name, tell her your name and shake her hand. Shaking hands (in the US) is a timeless, gentlemanly gesture that helps demonstrate you have some sense of how to be socially presentable and gracious. Wipe the sweat off your hands and forehead and cool down for a minute if you need to. It's acceptable to be somewhat sweaty, but not be a sweaty mess. And, make sure you don't smell like body odor.
Third, after you introduce yourself, show her your personality. The gym isn't a club or bar, it's not normal to just stand there and expect her to allow you to carry on a conversation for more than a few minutes max. Which is actually nice because you can just quickly move on from introducing yourself. Easy ice breaking questions are: asking how her workout is going, how often she comes during the week, does she live nearby, how long has she been a member at the gym. IF you know she has been around the gym for awhile (i.e. you've seen her several times before), you can mention that you've seen her around and thought you should introduce yourself.
Fourth, after the ice breaking question, move immediately into more personal get-to-know-you questions, like what she does she do, what she likes to do on weekends, how her day went. Do NOT linger with a second or third gym-question. Start bantering and compliment her, but do NOT compliment her body. Compliment her outfit, her hair, her eyes, her smile. Something unique, genuine, and classy. Complimenting, how pretty her hair is for example, separates you immediately from being a gym-acquaintance to possibly being her date this weekend. Again, for emphasis, SMILE, LAUGH and show you can lead the conversation and have a good time.
Fifth, after she has a sense of your personality here (this only takes 1-4 minutes), you get her phone number. Make no mistake, many, many women give out their number like candy so it's really not a big deal. You have to underplay this if you are nervous about it. Say something like, "well Melanie, I'm really glad I met you, you seem really fun, maybe we can get together and have dinner this weekend?" After you get her number, wish her well and move on-- don't try to talk more, just end it or you'll look weird. And get back to working out. Just like you don't want to stalk her at the initial stage, you also don't want to appear you were waiting for her the entire time.
Good luck!
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