The number one questions on sites like this are all about cheating and commitment. "If he/she loves me, then why....." I want to bring the scientific facts about "love" to the table, and address the different types of "love".
Before I go any further I want to make note here and now: These are my opinions, and that I don't claim them to be fact. I also want to state that, "what's good for the goose" is NOT always good for the gander. We are all unique and different,and thus have different tastes and interests. What may be the best advise for you could well be the worst advise for me. By the way, WHAT IS NORMAL?? Come on folks, HOW can ANYONE be "normal" if we are all unique and different? Seriously, I want you to think about it, and name one thing that is NOT necessary for life that EVERYONE does on a regular basis. If you can actually think of something PLEASE do let me know :)
LUST
OK, so I'm sure that most of you have at least HEARD of "pheromones", right? The "love chemical". Your immune system has a huge effect on your natural smell, and more specifically HOW you smell to a potential mate. A mate who has a "compatible" immune system, will have pheromones that smell good, or attractive to you. You are likely to be more attracted to someone with a strong immune system and who is in a good state of health. This is to ensure strong healthy offspring. Where you are lacking, ideally, your "perfect mate" will excel. If you have certain genetic flaws, IE diabetes, heart disease, Alzheimer's, etc, it makes perfect LOGICAL sense to "breed" with a mate who doesn't have those genetic flaws. I'd also like to mention that the scent of a compatible mate is easier to detect; you will likely notice those people more easily, and more often than others with less compatible immune systems. If you LIKE the way he/she smells, they are "good breeding stock".
The Science: Pheromones attract potential mates who have stronger immune systems to produce healthy offspring.
The Point: Healthy people attract more mates.
Key Fact: If you take care of yourself, and bathe regularly, your are more likely to attract a mate. DUH! But it's more than looking gross or smelling nasty. When you are sick, your natural smell DOES change, and when your are dirty you will offend and chase off potential mates, as well as mask that natural scent.
LOVE
Humans ARE animals. Homo-Sapiens, like all other animals, have basic needs and primal instincts. One of them is procreation, the point of which, is to ensure the survival of the species. Naturally, when you have found that "perfect mate", breeding with only them will ensure that all of your offspring are strong and healthy. "Breeding for life" is an ideal concept to ensure the survival of the species. "Natural Selection" will "weed out" the inferior specimens by making them undesirable, IE those with unattractive qualities will likely not breed.
To ensure that pairs of ideal mates DO breed for life and continue to produce only strong offspring, the state of being "In Love" will occur. Yes, I'm actually saying that Love IS a chemical! But please, don't get me wrong here, I DO believe that love is EPIC and wonderful and all romantic like fairy tales, I'm just saying that the initial cause of "love" is actually nature telling you that THIS person is the BEST person to breed with!! Once the pheromones have done their job, the emotions take over to seal the deal.
The Science: "Love" is natures way of telling you that you have found the best mate to produce the strongest offspring.
The Point: Love is NOT an emotion, or a feeling. It's a state of being created to ensure breeding for life.
Just because you're in love with someone does NOT mean that they are the best person to commit to! If you really think about it, this explains WHY we take the abuse, and fall for "jerks and losers". Nature has made you fall for them, ADDICTED to them! After all, pheromones ARE chemicals!
You can't be "in love" with more than one person. WRONG! And I'll give you not one, but THREE reasons:
1) We humans are pack animals. "Birds of a feather..." Naturally, we will group with similar specimens. That means those in your "pack" will likely all have very similar immune systems. EVERYTHING you do in your day to day life will affect your health, and if your pack travels together and does the same stuff....
2) There is more than ONE person out there with a compatible immune system! You will probably "fall in love" several times in you life.
3) By design, humans were NOT meant to be monogamous! If are one of those lucky few who found that one mate with the most perfectly compatible set of genes, than you are truly blessed! "True Love", with that EPIC concept of "the one", is truly a miracle, and very rare.
COMFORT
People often wonder how one can say they "love" someone, and yet still never give them a second glance. Once you DO fall in love, it never actually goes away, unless that natural scent changes. Also, as you grow and change, so does that scent. This why your "type" will change through out life. Thanks to nature, we can actually be IN LOVE with people who are completely WRONG for us. Why do we stay with them? Love conquers all? BECAUSE you love them? Because you are addicted to them? It's comfort. Again, we humans are pack animals. We enjoy others of our own kind. We keep others around b/c we hate being alone. This is why women will stay with men who treat them like dirt, and why men will hang around for years with no intention of asking for an "I do". Even if someone did us wrong, that chemical bond we had is still there, and dictates that we help those people when they ask us.
The Science: We are pack animals, and we find comfort in the company of other humans.
The Point: We will keep people around us who are bad for us, simply because they can relate, or have similar interests.
COMMITMENT
On the other side of things, there are those who fall under that attraction radar chemically, but still manage to hook you, either by intellect or personality. We "love" them too. It's these pack mates that enter the "friend zone". But ask yourself: How much do you care for them? Are they just around because you feel comfortable with them? How much would losing them affect your life? It's in situations like these that some people discover that they may have actually fallen in love with someone who is nothing more than a friend. Someone that you do not, and never will, have a romantic attraction towards, and will never mate with. They are a crucial part of "you". In nature, a pack will operate as a single entity, each member has a job to do. If they get their job done, you can do yours more efficiently. A pack can be a family, or a group of friends/peers, but each person within the group has something to gain by being there and something lose if they leave.
The Science: Mates who have a compatible immune system and have similar needs and interests are more likely to commit to each other.
The Point: Love is actually about balance, NOT about matching. Find someone who can balance you in ALL aspects of life. Find the one who needs what you have, AND has what you need.
I do believe if everyone could logically factor the science in with the emotions, we would all lead much happier relationships.
Before I go any further I want to make note here and now: These are my opinions, and that I don't claim them to be fact. I also want to state that, "what's good for the goose" is NOT always good for the gander. We are all unique and different,and thus have different tastes and interests. What may be the best advise for you could well be the worst advise for me. By the way, WHAT IS NORMAL?? Come on folks, HOW can ANYONE be "normal" if we are all unique and different? Seriously, I want you to think about it, and name one thing that is NOT necessary for life that EVERYONE does on a regular basis. If you can actually think of something PLEASE do let me know :)
LUST
OK, so I'm sure that most of you have at least HEARD of "pheromones", right? The "love chemical". Your immune system has a huge effect on your natural smell, and more specifically HOW you smell to a potential mate. A mate who has a "compatible" immune system, will have pheromones that smell good, or attractive to you. You are likely to be more attracted to someone with a strong immune system and who is in a good state of health. This is to ensure strong healthy offspring. Where you are lacking, ideally, your "perfect mate" will excel. If you have certain genetic flaws, IE diabetes, heart disease, Alzheimer's, etc, it makes perfect LOGICAL sense to "breed" with a mate who doesn't have those genetic flaws. I'd also like to mention that the scent of a compatible mate is easier to detect; you will likely notice those people more easily, and more often than others with less compatible immune systems. If you LIKE the way he/she smells, they are "good breeding stock".
The Science: Pheromones attract potential mates who have stronger immune systems to produce healthy offspring.
The Point: Healthy people attract more mates.
Key Fact: If you take care of yourself, and bathe regularly, your are more likely to attract a mate. DUH! But it's more than looking gross or smelling nasty. When you are sick, your natural smell DOES change, and when your are dirty you will offend and chase off potential mates, as well as mask that natural scent.
LOVE
Humans ARE animals. Homo-Sapiens, like all other animals, have basic needs and primal instincts. One of them is procreation, the point of which, is to ensure the survival of the species. Naturally, when you have found that "perfect mate", breeding with only them will ensure that all of your offspring are strong and healthy. "Breeding for life" is an ideal concept to ensure the survival of the species. "Natural Selection" will "weed out" the inferior specimens by making them undesirable, IE those with unattractive qualities will likely not breed.
To ensure that pairs of ideal mates DO breed for life and continue to produce only strong offspring, the state of being "In Love" will occur. Yes, I'm actually saying that Love IS a chemical! But please, don't get me wrong here, I DO believe that love is EPIC and wonderful and all romantic like fairy tales, I'm just saying that the initial cause of "love" is actually nature telling you that THIS person is the BEST person to breed with!! Once the pheromones have done their job, the emotions take over to seal the deal.
The Science: "Love" is natures way of telling you that you have found the best mate to produce the strongest offspring.
The Point: Love is NOT an emotion, or a feeling. It's a state of being created to ensure breeding for life.
Just because you're in love with someone does NOT mean that they are the best person to commit to! If you really think about it, this explains WHY we take the abuse, and fall for "jerks and losers". Nature has made you fall for them, ADDICTED to them! After all, pheromones ARE chemicals!
You can't be "in love" with more than one person. WRONG! And I'll give you not one, but THREE reasons:
1) We humans are pack animals. "Birds of a feather..." Naturally, we will group with similar specimens. That means those in your "pack" will likely all have very similar immune systems. EVERYTHING you do in your day to day life will affect your health, and if your pack travels together and does the same stuff....
2) There is more than ONE person out there with a compatible immune system! You will probably "fall in love" several times in you life.
3) By design, humans were NOT meant to be monogamous! If are one of those lucky few who found that one mate with the most perfectly compatible set of genes, than you are truly blessed! "True Love", with that EPIC concept of "the one", is truly a miracle, and very rare.
COMFORT
People often wonder how one can say they "love" someone, and yet still never give them a second glance. Once you DO fall in love, it never actually goes away, unless that natural scent changes. Also, as you grow and change, so does that scent. This why your "type" will change through out life. Thanks to nature, we can actually be IN LOVE with people who are completely WRONG for us. Why do we stay with them? Love conquers all? BECAUSE you love them? Because you are addicted to them? It's comfort. Again, we humans are pack animals. We enjoy others of our own kind. We keep others around b/c we hate being alone. This is why women will stay with men who treat them like dirt, and why men will hang around for years with no intention of asking for an "I do". Even if someone did us wrong, that chemical bond we had is still there, and dictates that we help those people when they ask us.
The Science: We are pack animals, and we find comfort in the company of other humans.
The Point: We will keep people around us who are bad for us, simply because they can relate, or have similar interests.
COMMITMENT
On the other side of things, there are those who fall under that attraction radar chemically, but still manage to hook you, either by intellect or personality. We "love" them too. It's these pack mates that enter the "friend zone". But ask yourself: How much do you care for them? Are they just around because you feel comfortable with them? How much would losing them affect your life? It's in situations like these that some people discover that they may have actually fallen in love with someone who is nothing more than a friend. Someone that you do not, and never will, have a romantic attraction towards, and will never mate with. They are a crucial part of "you". In nature, a pack will operate as a single entity, each member has a job to do. If they get their job done, you can do yours more efficiently. A pack can be a family, or a group of friends/peers, but each person within the group has something to gain by being there and something lose if they leave.
The Science: Mates who have a compatible immune system and have similar needs and interests are more likely to commit to each other.
The Point: Love is actually about balance, NOT about matching. Find someone who can balance you in ALL aspects of life. Find the one who needs what you have, AND has what you need.
I do believe if everyone could logically factor the science in with the emotions, we would all lead much happier relationships.
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