I see the same few questions from women on this site so often I decided to write an article with answers for these frequently asked questions. Originally I made some elaborate attempts at explaining certain aspects of male psychology to help you ladies relate to use better but I’m having writer’s block I guess so I’m better off going at it in point form.
Why does he stare?
He stares because he likes you. Make a mental note of that. If you see a guy looking at you and it’s more than just by chance you are safe to assume he’s into you. You’ll be right more often than not. Remember were visual creatures and you’re beautiful creatures (even if you don’t know it) so naturally our eyes are drawn to you.
Now being a guy, I don’t know what attraction feels like for a woman but I’m under the impression that it sort of occurs in stages. As you get to know a guy and feel comfortable around him attraction increases (assuming he’s your type) and you get those warm fuzzy feelings of infatuation. This is because you need to get a sense of his character and that takes time and observation. But when a guy sees a pretty girl this happens either immediately or very quickly. This is because we’re visual. We don’t need to test – all the indicators of your attractiveness are in plain sight.
Is it okay to ________? If I ________, will it creep him out?
No. For guys, generally speaking, there is no equivalent to the creep reflex that women have. Attracting a woman is to walk a fine line. If you’re two passive nothing will happen, if you’re too forward you come off threatening or as wanting something from her. In other words: a creep. Since female attraction is heavily dependent on a set of character traits, a guy’s actions can ruin his chances. Your actions have little to do with it. Either he finds you appealing or he doesn’t. There are few things you can say or do to have a large impact on that one way or the other. Generally, asking a guy for his number, telling him he’s good looking or being forward with him in any way is perfectly fine.
Is it bad to approach a guy or should I have him chase me? Do guys like the chase?
It depends. As I wrote in far more detail in a previous article, whether a man likes to chase women is based on how confident and comfortable he is with himself. If you want more detail on that, here’s the link: Shy Guys. I think it would be best to be flexible in your approach. If you want to attract the more alpha guys, the really confident ones then, by all means, play hard to get. If it’s the shy, quiet type you’re into you might have to chase him (at least initially). Most guys are somewhere in between the two extremes.
For an average guy, you shouldn't feel scared to approach him. Regardless of the role puts on men being the pursuers if you see something you want in life, go for it. You can’t win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket. The average guy will give chase but won’t be as persistent as the really alpha guys are. Don’t lead him around in circles. If he doesn’t feel like he’s getting anywhere he will give up. You can be as passive or aggressive as you want. Remember your actions will have little effect on his attraction (assuming he’s attracted to you – remember we’re visual). If you feel comfortable being really bold and aggressive the option is available to you. But if you're going to let him chase, he has to feel he's getting somewhere.
I’m an A/B/C cup and I feel my boobs are too small.
You are more than a set of boobs. The attributes of women that make them physically attractive to men are far more subtle than just big boobs. Just having big tits and a nice ass doesn’t mean you’re all set. It’s a combination of all sorts of little things. There’s beauty in every curve, every square inch of your body. Which of those characteristics are more or less important varies from guy to guy. You can still be stunningly beautiful if you’re flat chested. As humans we are biologically designed to be attractive because that’s how the species (and all others) perpetuates itself. So as women it’s very unlikely you were born possessing none of them. For more detail see the next answer.
I’m X feet tall and I weigh Y lbs. Am I too fat?
Usually the answer is no. As women (unless you’re a lesbian or bisexual) chances are you aren't attracted to girls and thus don’t have firsthand knowledge of what constitutes a beautiful body. The media is therefore free to fill this void to exploit your insecurities. Small wonder so many girls have such a distorted perception of physical beauty and their bodies.
Physical beauty is not about absolute values. Meaning there is no line at x lbs between “not fat” and “fat”. There is no ideal weight or size. It has far more to do with proportions and ratios. The female body has a very distinct shape and curvature that’s naturally attractive to men, especially the midsection. Going down from the shoulders it curves in gently around the waist and then curves outward at the hips. This is often referred to as the “hourglass” figure. However even if you don’t have that exact figure doesn’t mean you can’t be hot. When you go through puberty your hips widen and in all girls (at least that I’ve seen, but some more than others) your body widens somewhat at the hips and this feature is distinctly and unmistakably feminine.
The misperception of fat is that it is unattractive in and of itself. It only becomes unattractive when it starts to change your natural curvature. Fat around the waistline will fill in that inward curve and “hide” that natural curvature of yours. Stomach fat only becomes unattractive when it starts to protrude noticeably from your body. The stomach needn't be flat but it shouldn’t be a “gut” either. And by the way, if you have to bend over or grab your stomach to give the appearance of “rolls” or “flab” then you’re not fat.
Conversely, there is also such a thing as too skinny. The catch is that the female figure is created by bone structures as much as anything so being too skinny isn’t as unattractive as being excessively fat. On paper at least, there is a cut-off point where losing weight will not enhance your attractiveness which is where the media tends to get it wrong. Thinner is not equal to better. Once your shapeliness is easily discernible, losing weight becomes an investment of increasingly diminishing returns.
The evolutionary logic of physical attraction is that the men who mated with fertile and healthy women and thus produced healthy and fertile children who survived and passed down their genes to the next generation as opposed to the unhealthy ones that didn’t (natural selection). This is why we have the preferences we do. The larger hips I mentioned earlier are wider to accommodate childbirth and thus are subconscious symbol of your fertility.
One more thing, with men it’s more about the whole package. Women are often women about small flaws or blemishes making them ugly. Your attractiveness is mostly based on the shape and proportions of your body. If you have bad skin or freckles or acne it’s not a huge turn off.
Can guys be intimidated by a beautiful woman?
Yes. As guys we're painfully aware of our position in the dating game. We're expected to pursue and put in the effort while women just have to exist (at least that's how it looks to most guys). That can even drive some guys to become really bitter but most of us accept it.
Anyhow keeping that in mind, the logic is that such a beautiful woman would be constantly surrounded by men like moths surrounding a flame. Therefore she would likely:
-Be experienced at shooting guys down
-Have extremely high standards since she has so many options
-Be good a playing games to test guys
-Have a more negative attitude of guys in general
Blah, blah, blah… anyways as men we know the power of physical beauty. If the woman is very attractive it creates sort of a mismatch where we feel she has an advantage and we have a disadvantage. I would imagine it would be the same way with women around a very attractive man. The fact that they are so desirable makes you feel less desirable in comparison.
Women, being less visual and less attracted by physical beauty tend to have a hard time relating. Not being attracted to the same qualities as men she must rely on the feedback she gets from men to be able to self-judge her appearance. Some women get constant attention from men which firmly cements the idea that she's desirable into her mind. Our experiences with such women lead us to believe that any woman who is obviously beautiful must have had her beauty go to her head.
Why doesn’t he text back? Is he not interested?
Things like texting and email are nice. They take the edge of f the awkwardness we feel towards the opposite sex. Unfortunately they give the recipient all the time in the world to respond and the chance of overlooking it altogether. Men aren’t that expressive and chances are we’re even less so over text. If you have something important to talk to him about, ask him in person. Don’t text it, don’t post it on facebook, don’t email it. There’s something about communicating over miles of wire that sucks the thrill out of talking to anybody. When you talk in person or at the very least over the phone you’re more engaged. While I’m not saying to give it up – definitely go easy on the texting.
Also don’t take no response as a tacit rejection. A guy might have lots of reasons (both good reasons and lame excuses) for silence but unless you he indicates clearly that he isn’t into you, assume he’s interested. Don’t give up once you run into some resistance.
Why does he stare?
He stares because he likes you. Make a mental note of that. If you see a guy looking at you and it’s more than just by chance you are safe to assume he’s into you. You’ll be right more often than not. Remember were visual creatures and you’re beautiful creatures (even if you don’t know it) so naturally our eyes are drawn to you.
Now being a guy, I don’t know what attraction feels like for a woman but I’m under the impression that it sort of occurs in stages. As you get to know a guy and feel comfortable around him attraction increases (assuming he’s your type) and you get those warm fuzzy feelings of infatuation. This is because you need to get a sense of his character and that takes time and observation. But when a guy sees a pretty girl this happens either immediately or very quickly. This is because we’re visual. We don’t need to test – all the indicators of your attractiveness are in plain sight.
Is it okay to ________? If I ________, will it creep him out?
No. For guys, generally speaking, there is no equivalent to the creep reflex that women have. Attracting a woman is to walk a fine line. If you’re two passive nothing will happen, if you’re too forward you come off threatening or as wanting something from her. In other words: a creep. Since female attraction is heavily dependent on a set of character traits, a guy’s actions can ruin his chances. Your actions have little to do with it. Either he finds you appealing or he doesn’t. There are few things you can say or do to have a large impact on that one way or the other. Generally, asking a guy for his number, telling him he’s good looking or being forward with him in any way is perfectly fine.
Is it bad to approach a guy or should I have him chase me? Do guys like the chase?
It depends. As I wrote in far more detail in a previous article, whether a man likes to chase women is based on how confident and comfortable he is with himself. If you want more detail on that, here’s the link: Shy Guys. I think it would be best to be flexible in your approach. If you want to attract the more alpha guys, the really confident ones then, by all means, play hard to get. If it’s the shy, quiet type you’re into you might have to chase him (at least initially). Most guys are somewhere in between the two extremes.
For an average guy, you shouldn't feel scared to approach him. Regardless of the role puts on men being the pursuers if you see something you want in life, go for it. You can’t win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket. The average guy will give chase but won’t be as persistent as the really alpha guys are. Don’t lead him around in circles. If he doesn’t feel like he’s getting anywhere he will give up. You can be as passive or aggressive as you want. Remember your actions will have little effect on his attraction (assuming he’s attracted to you – remember we’re visual). If you feel comfortable being really bold and aggressive the option is available to you. But if you're going to let him chase, he has to feel he's getting somewhere.
I’m an A/B/C cup and I feel my boobs are too small.
You are more than a set of boobs. The attributes of women that make them physically attractive to men are far more subtle than just big boobs. Just having big tits and a nice ass doesn’t mean you’re all set. It’s a combination of all sorts of little things. There’s beauty in every curve, every square inch of your body. Which of those characteristics are more or less important varies from guy to guy. You can still be stunningly beautiful if you’re flat chested. As humans we are biologically designed to be attractive because that’s how the species (and all others) perpetuates itself. So as women it’s very unlikely you were born possessing none of them. For more detail see the next answer.
I’m X feet tall and I weigh Y lbs. Am I too fat?
Usually the answer is no. As women (unless you’re a lesbian or bisexual) chances are you aren't attracted to girls and thus don’t have firsthand knowledge of what constitutes a beautiful body. The media is therefore free to fill this void to exploit your insecurities. Small wonder so many girls have such a distorted perception of physical beauty and their bodies.
Physical beauty is not about absolute values. Meaning there is no line at x lbs between “not fat” and “fat”. There is no ideal weight or size. It has far more to do with proportions and ratios. The female body has a very distinct shape and curvature that’s naturally attractive to men, especially the midsection. Going down from the shoulders it curves in gently around the waist and then curves outward at the hips. This is often referred to as the “hourglass” figure. However even if you don’t have that exact figure doesn’t mean you can’t be hot. When you go through puberty your hips widen and in all girls (at least that I’ve seen, but some more than others) your body widens somewhat at the hips and this feature is distinctly and unmistakably feminine.
The misperception of fat is that it is unattractive in and of itself. It only becomes unattractive when it starts to change your natural curvature. Fat around the waistline will fill in that inward curve and “hide” that natural curvature of yours. Stomach fat only becomes unattractive when it starts to protrude noticeably from your body. The stomach needn't be flat but it shouldn’t be a “gut” either. And by the way, if you have to bend over or grab your stomach to give the appearance of “rolls” or “flab” then you’re not fat.
Conversely, there is also such a thing as too skinny. The catch is that the female figure is created by bone structures as much as anything so being too skinny isn’t as unattractive as being excessively fat. On paper at least, there is a cut-off point where losing weight will not enhance your attractiveness which is where the media tends to get it wrong. Thinner is not equal to better. Once your shapeliness is easily discernible, losing weight becomes an investment of increasingly diminishing returns.
The evolutionary logic of physical attraction is that the men who mated with fertile and healthy women and thus produced healthy and fertile children who survived and passed down their genes to the next generation as opposed to the unhealthy ones that didn’t (natural selection). This is why we have the preferences we do. The larger hips I mentioned earlier are wider to accommodate childbirth and thus are subconscious symbol of your fertility.
One more thing, with men it’s more about the whole package. Women are often women about small flaws or blemishes making them ugly. Your attractiveness is mostly based on the shape and proportions of your body. If you have bad skin or freckles or acne it’s not a huge turn off.
Can guys be intimidated by a beautiful woman?
Yes. As guys we're painfully aware of our position in the dating game. We're expected to pursue and put in the effort while women just have to exist (at least that's how it looks to most guys). That can even drive some guys to become really bitter but most of us accept it.
Anyhow keeping that in mind, the logic is that such a beautiful woman would be constantly surrounded by men like moths surrounding a flame. Therefore she would likely:
-Be experienced at shooting guys down
-Have extremely high standards since she has so many options
-Be good a playing games to test guys
-Have a more negative attitude of guys in general
Blah, blah, blah… anyways as men we know the power of physical beauty. If the woman is very attractive it creates sort of a mismatch where we feel she has an advantage and we have a disadvantage. I would imagine it would be the same way with women around a very attractive man. The fact that they are so desirable makes you feel less desirable in comparison.
Women, being less visual and less attracted by physical beauty tend to have a hard time relating. Not being attracted to the same qualities as men she must rely on the feedback she gets from men to be able to self-judge her appearance. Some women get constant attention from men which firmly cements the idea that she's desirable into her mind. Our experiences with such women lead us to believe that any woman who is obviously beautiful must have had her beauty go to her head.
Why doesn’t he text back? Is he not interested?
Things like texting and email are nice. They take the edge of f the awkwardness we feel towards the opposite sex. Unfortunately they give the recipient all the time in the world to respond and the chance of overlooking it altogether. Men aren’t that expressive and chances are we’re even less so over text. If you have something important to talk to him about, ask him in person. Don’t text it, don’t post it on facebook, don’t email it. There’s something about communicating over miles of wire that sucks the thrill out of talking to anybody. When you talk in person or at the very least over the phone you’re more engaged. While I’m not saying to give it up – definitely go easy on the texting.
Also don’t take no response as a tacit rejection. A guy might have lots of reasons (both good reasons and lame excuses) for silence but unless you he indicates clearly that he isn’t into you, assume he’s interested. Don’t give up once you run into some resistance.
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