Is It Really Necessary to Compliment Girls?

[Anonymous]

I was having a conversation with my friend who is a girl and I can't remember how we got onto the subject, but we ended up talking about why I rarely compliment girls, regardless of whether or not I'm interested in them sexually or romantically.

My reasoning for this, or at least the part that I told her, was that I tend to see better results with women if I don't compliment them versus when I do. Like if I compliment a girl and say, "you're so beautiful," they would tend to lose interest in me fairly quickly. At least that is my experience. Whereas if I stick to what I'm good at (teasing and joking with some deep conversations here and there) I tend to see better results. The girl's interest or attraction would continue. Now, I will admit, not complimenting is in fact a PUA (Pickup Artist) thing and I kinda got it from some website but it's something I actually stand by.

She refused to believe that never or rarely complimenting someone you hope to date or are dating would ever actually work, and actually asked why it would in fact work. It kinda of got me thinking as to why being more playful might be more attractive than someone who is more full on and I came up with a bunch of different reasons.

I feel like being playful tends to lend itself more to unpredictability which in itself is an attractive quality at least at the beginning of a relationship or when you first meet someone because lets face it if someone acts in a predictable manner that's kind of boring versus if someone does something you don't expect it can be more fun and you'd want to be around the playful person more.

Another reason being if you rarely compliment the girl she may be unsure as to whether or not you're actually interested in her and if she's interested in you in theory it's going to make her try harder or at least hang around longer out of curiosity to see if you are or not. Whereas if you keep complimenting a lot it pretty much confirms that you are.

Complimenting may also come across as needy in some situations and signify a lack of self esteem, like if you keep complimenting ("omg you're so beautiful", "No really you are", "you're so pretty" etc), it kinda makes you sound a little desperate which is unattractive.

Also I wouldn't strictly rule out complimenting all together just limit it to a heat of them moment sort of thing like compliment a girl's eyes if you feel they look incredible in a specific light or something. I dunno...

So having said that she still didn't believe that not complimenting does actually work but there are other ways to convey interest such as body language, general verbal flirting and physical contact like touching their arm, knee, thigh whatever. So that obviously helps.

But, I'm actually curious about other people's views on the subject so....

[tyber1]

A genuine, specific, tasteful compliment can, depending on context, work pretty good. 'You're beautiful' is something she has heard a thousand and a half times and there's no originality in it. It's boring and it seems like a desperate attempt to get her to like you. Instead of paying a girl a generic compliment, try something more specific. I like your dress. You have a cute smile. I like your eyebrows. You look nice today. You're really good (at some activity, ex. at playing the piano). Your hair looks nice. You're funny.

[tyber1]

Also, don't overdo it. Even tasteful compliments will wear out their welcome if you give them out all the freaking time. Pay her 1 compliment, then back off of them for a while. You don't want it to seem like you're a suck-up.

[myTake Owner]

I was mostly using "You're Beautiful" as examples but yeah I agree with you

[Jehovahkiin]

Pretty much this.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

trying to play mind games with me is childish. if you dont compliment me another man will. i would rather a guy show appreciation for me, instead of sitting back thinking "well let me try to make her insecure so she'll work harder" lol tf? i will take my unappreciated ass on to the next one

[Afrochick]

*claps*

[howardque]

Totally agreed on not playing games. It's silly. Same applies to women, don't pretend you aren't interested on some notion that good men "love to chase". If you don't show him you are interested, he will think you aren't. In the end, both of you, end up not making a move, and you end up going your own ways right?

[MrNameless]

Honestly I'm getting tired of society sayng that women need compliments just because they're women. No, they fucking don't. They aren't any more deserving of compliments then men are. All this compliment thing makes it sound like women sound like they have low self esteem and they need some self assurance.

I think people should compliment each other when they want to and its genuine. Not because society forces you.

[smølf]

Ok, I'll tell you the trick.

Girls are humans and all humans like compliment and flatter. However, saying to a beautiful girls she looks beautiful, is not a complement, it's obvious factual statement she already know.

A complement, is too boot her ego my complementing whatever she would LIKE to be. If she is not beautiful but really really wish she was, then telling her she is beautiful WILL work. However, if she would rather be intelligent then this is your complement.

Complements must reflect what she wish to see about herself. To complement her with what everybody else are telling her, won't work very well because you wil just be like everybody else, you must stick out by making her feel good about herself and feel comfortable in your company.

It doesn't have to be true, as long as it could be true - bullshit always works unless too obvious. And bullshit is still better to being normal, boring and in the Gray zone. She will always emotionally give to credit for a good complement, because you made her feel good, bullshit or not.

And that's the truth, believe or not.

[TheINTJ]

Yep, this.

[YourFutureEx]

Word

[smølf]

@YourFutureEx
Yes, it's hard to read for sure, way too many mistakes. Too bad there isn't a EDIT function.

[YourFutureEx]

Nah. It's still awesome as it is.

[musicbrain5]

Complimenting is okay in moderation. I appreciate that. What I appreciate even more than being complimented on my looks is when I'm being recognized and complimented for things that go deeper than that. Like when it's about my talents as a musician, or my orchestrations and compositions, or anything that defines me as a person that I worked hard to achieve.

I think not complimenting at all sends the message that you're not the least bit interested in her. I would think you're playing mind games, and I wouldn't waste my time with you in that case. A woman will likely compliment you on something to show her interest, so at least offer one back. And not some cliche about how pretty she is or anything. Give her one really good compliment in return.

[myTake Owner]

Like I said it's probably okay to do it in the heat of the moment and to be fair I probably would drop a compliment on your talents as a musician if I liked your stuff (You got a youtube channel or something?). You're right, it is a mind game but these days that's mostly par for the course with dating in general and women are worse than men for it with playing hot and cold or hard to get.

[musicbrain5]

Any woman who wants to be complimented or just recognized for more than the way she looks likely isn't going to play hard to get though. She's going to spend time getting to know you, and letting you get to know her, because she's the type who will show she appreciates you for who you are. She can't do that if she doesn't let you in her inner circle. Personally I don't have much going for me in terms of looks and I'm as tall as most guys, so I've had to make up for that by becoming good at things and working for what I want to get noticed.

I have a YT channel but haven't updated it in quite some time. Same with my SoundCloud. I don't have proper recording equipment so everything sounds low quality. I'm a flute player and most people aren't interested in that anyways.

[Heera]

It's not, just be yourself, if you don't feel like complimenting them just don't.

Personally, I hate compliments, I find them to be part of "cheap" flirting.

[adelelizabeth]

If you never compliment a girl, they're probably not going to be happy and think/realise you're playing games. However, at the same time I don't think saying empty compliments you don't mean to try and get a girl, is what some men do, which also doesn't work.
Everything is in moderation, even when trying to just pick up a girl. You should compliment them sometimes, and not in the way of a game, genuinely. But there also should be some conversation and should not just be an empty conversation only filled with generic empty compliments.

[Cosytoasty]

You need to flatter them at the right moment, there comes a point in the conversation where the girl starts to feel a little unsure of herself especially in the presence of a man who dominates and steers the convo. Thats when you drop the tasteful compliment to restore her up to a more engaging level.

It's also the way you compliment and whether it follows with the tone of the conersation "You're so beautiful", is very intimate and should only be given if the conversation is intimate too. "You look beautiful" is a much easier compliment to hand out.

[AriadneSky]

seeing as you can not both give and not give compliments to the same woman, you really have nothing to compare it to.

if some women leave and some women say you can't say its bc you did or did not do something c they are different women. you dk if doing the opposite would or would not have a different impact.

complimenting is really nice it encores bonding if done genuinely. its when people just say it non stop its annoying and seems make like they are just trying to get something from you.

[Mysterio421]

No. Either give them a backhanded compliment or nothing at all. A backhanded compliment would be something like when she asks you if she is fat and you respond with something like: I think you look great, even though I've had women who have busty breasts and thinner hourglass waistlines. Don't worry about what other people think, I think you are fantastic! This will confuse her ultimately. Don't compliment them as it boosts their ego and then that's where they start thinking they are the shit, so they brag to their girlfriends and eventually move on.

[MissFabulous]

Interesting perspective, never thought of it that way. :) I thought you were going to say the reason why you don't compliment girls is cuz she may get creeped out thinking u are being pushy & trying to get at her. I feel it depends on how the guy compliments me, like if he does it in a creepy/pushy way then I don't like it but if he's smooth with it, im good with it. Lol

[Anonymous]

I am not sure.

1. I hear from pua's that apparently "all women" receive compliments so you don't stand out if you do.

2. I also hear from the same people and women that if you don't compliment them in a sexual way, they only see you as friend material.

3. Women say that if you don't give them a sign then they assume you are just a friend. Though how flirting with them or sending a sweet text you wouldn't be texting a guy is "just friendly" I have no idea!

4. We are also told that we are meant to play a game of hard to get and let the other person chase. Thus we end up aimlessly waiting.

5. So we don't know what the f we are meant to do!

Can you help me out on a question pls? Is it true that women will only go for sexual guys (irrespective of whether they are caring and kind to her) and not any form of long term friend or long term boyfriend material guys? I can share the link if you can?

[FakeName123]

What you are talking about is creating temporary attraction spikes. It's nothing unusual nor special. You pretty much put yourself (or pretend to be) above her in the social hierachy ladder. The problem is that those attraction spikes go away quite fast and nothings left. While the other path may lead to more rejection, but it also leads to more genuine attraction when it comes to it.

[Levin]

I agree with this. While women claim not to subscribe to this psychological bullshit, soon as you say 'you're so beautiful', they tend to think: 'oh my God, he's right. I'm so amazing, I can do better than this peasant! I wouldn't even trod on him, what was I thinking!'.

[myTake Owner]

Haha. I wouldn't say it's that exactly more or a "everybody wants what they can't have" sort of thing. Once they know they can have you the attraction is gone. Also most people enjoy a challenge

[Levin]

I know, and it's sad that these games exist. They detract from what should be the innocence of dating.

[kakarotto]

Results are meaningless. At the end of the day, you should desire to be with women who are attracted to the real you, inside out. These women are NOT included in your "results" when you are refraining from complimenting them on purpose even when you really felt like it.
What you think are better results are in reality far from it.
You want the girls who will be interested in you when you are 100% yourself, not the version of you who is just following pick up tips on websites.

[myTake Owner]

But this isn't even my final form

[piscies]

compliments is really good but don't over do it that would mean he or she is trying to hard to get a partner yes love is automatic thing and some people would like a person who talks about there goals and interests with there partners I would know because I used to have a girlfriend years ago but the problem is my partner had a childhood friend and threatened her to break up with me and I never had a real romantic relationship until college

[V0idCommunications]

It is not

To succeed a man must not reveal how much he likes woman, else he is losing power to which equivalent for women is losing beauty

Be around and express yourself by actions, even then never overdo luscious things

Men and women are fundamentally different when it comes to raise their attractiveness, there is no one size fits all method

Good luck

[Anonymous]

I guess there should be a happy balance between complimenting excessively and not complimenting at all. I had a classmate who said he was interested in me but he never complimented me (complimented actresses and celebrities though!). In the end i thought he just wasnot loyal to me so I left him!

[Anonymous]

No. I deplore empty compliments and being that people hand them out so often they have next to no value for me unless I feel like I earned it or somebody took the time out to notice something about me nobody else ever has "your goreous/beautiful/hott/cute/sexy/stunning" does absolutely nothing for me.

[Blonde401]

I like compliments when they're genuine but I don't need them. I also knew no compliments was a pick up artists thing, as is negging and neither work on me because I know how to spot them.

[myTake Owner]

I don't do negging. I kinda suck at it lol

[Blonde401]

Don't do negging cause it's shitty, not because you aren't good at it. Besides, any woman worth her salt will see through it. I've been known to threaten to kick a guys ass if he comes near me again after attempting that shit.

[myTake Owner]

Maybe you should see an anger mangement therapist if you're going about threatening people. Just a suggestion.

[Blonde401]

Ha. If a guy thinks he can come up to me and neg me, he's gonna need therapy cause I'm not having it.

[whtpplrcrzy]

whata negging?
Is it like going up to someone and insulting them?
it so then thats baffling 😶

[Blonde401]

@whtpplrcrzy yeah it's insulting them. The definition is "Negging is a rhetorical strategy whereby a person makes a deliberate backhanded compliment or otherwise insulting remark to another person in order to undermine his or her confidence in a way that gains approval. The term was coined and prescribed by the seduction community." :/

[Anonymous]

It shouldn't be necessary to compliment someone unless they want to and its genuine. I don't know where the hell this whole,"compliment girls thing to make them feel good" come from. Do girls really need constant self-assurance because of their chromosomes? No, it just makes them look like they have self esteem.

[KittieCat]

My first thought while reading the title was
"Do you want pussy?"
After reading the take is thar there should be a happy balance

[Dim_121]

Your also losing interest from then when you compliment them because they view you as more of a freind. When you compliment them or flirt with them. They then think ops I gave him the wrong idea. I don't like him, so I'll just back away.