Utilizing the Nonchalant Attitude When Flirting

[Anonymous]

Now, I'm a naturally nonchalant guy and up until that point in life I considered myself to be very shy when it came to women...I even avoided talking to them, but this all changed.

The most beautiful girl of our year was in our class and I had a crush on her..

One day I just decided to approach her and talk to her. Of course I was a bit stiff, I was nervous and thinking too much.

But as soon as a few friends joined the convo and I was able to be myself, and felt less pressure to say something just to say it, is when it all clicked.

I was able to make her cry tears of laughter (even had her resting her head on my shoulders), by just being me...

Now you might say; what's so special about that?

Well for a guy like me who didn't have any confidence back in the day, it was a huge accomplishment. Most importantly, it meant that being myself was actually cool enough, something mostly boys would try and debunk.

Now, here is where my natural personality started to shine.

I naturally look like the guy that just doesn't give a damn. It's written on my face, my body language, my clothing style is different than most, etc...

At this point, it started to look like this:

The most beautiful girl in class was either failing to grab my attention because I became bored of her or me being busy with other things -or- me and her could talk hours about anything and everything and laugh our asses off.

And of course I noticed that she was crushing on me, she wanted to be with me/next to me, everywhere I went (which annoyed me).

But looking back, I think it's this mix of nonchalant behavior and my real personality that attracted her.

The fact that I was kinda portrayed as the bad guy who looks cocky and dresses different than anybody else, being in his corner and making his friends laugh created this aura.

Cause she once told me herself;

I just really like you, you're so mysterious.

So what I found is:

That the weaknesses men tried to apply to me were actually my strengths when it came to women;

-my sense of style

-my nonchalant/idgaf behavior

- my "weird" sense of humor (if youve ever seen the movie Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, yep thats it, weird analogies and metaphors, references etc...)

- me being honest (sometimes bold)

But especially; me being able to be very extraverted; giving you all the attention etc...and then being able to withdraw myself.

I just thought this was an interesting take on something i just realized.

For the record; I'M WELL AWARE THAT NOT EVERY GIRL WILL LIKE THIS.

(even though I've never really failed to entertain girls using the humor route :p )

Thanks for the read!

[Anonymous]

Ya sound like me.
I would say you're right. It's a mixture of having a good sense of humour, being nonchalant, and being yourself. People tend to love it when people they're talking to are confident in who they are, a lot of this can relate to being nonchalant, because you don't care about other's opinions, etc. so you do exude a sense of confidence. Being nonchalant means that she, the woman, would have to fight for your attention. So instead of the other way around where girls are always being chased by a guy, the girl has to do the chasing, she has to make an effort. When a person makes an effort towards something, that person becomes more invested in it. And in what you said, you can give all the attention in the world, but are still able to withdraw yourself. Studies show in order to get somebody more addicted to something, it's more effective to give that person a good thing once in a while, mixed with some bad, rather than a good thing all year round. In this case that good thing is your attention, withdrawing yourself makes that person yearn for your attention even more, because it isn't something she's going to get all the time, it forms a sense of anticipation. Contrast this with the shy guy who isn't so confidant and is constantly stalking the girl, not focusing on his life.

[myTake Owner]

exactly
that is the art of attraction

and its something I've been thinking and saying a lot;
its not how long or how much a talk to a girl or whatever activity, its what YOU DO in that time being with her

i could talk to any girl 1hr long without saying anything memorable..., that just isn't going to cut it

sometimes id talk 10min her, and her crying of laughter... thats having an impact on someone
but the real moment of truth is; not baiting in and wanting to give her more, but retracing again.
And in the back of your mind u should know; she won't be able to find that kind of attention/moment with anyone else except you

And its true, shy guys/nice guys will want to prove themselves and their love for a girl way too hard (something this girl did) and it makes him look so desperate and just not attractive

but ofc personality is something natural aswel, lets not forget

[COCOCHANEL]

this is cute and refreshing, i like it

[myTake Owner]

Thank u very much 😂😇

[es20490446e]

Tried both, yours works better.

I think that the point is simply that with a nonchalant attitude girls have more space to realise what they want, without feeling pressured.

And I think for guys it's also the same. Just boys usually are more straightforward, so the lack of space becomes more evident.

[myTake Owner]

both?

yes true, but they also are more drawn into that space, cause their desire is to see whats in that "gap", know you better etc... cause they can't seem to crack u

But also doing this long, she will eventually fly away, and this is where being honest/bold comes into play, making sure u show her you're interested in her to

[es20490446e]

Interesting point.

[myTake Owner]

I kinda made that mistake
But it turned out (as she would later tell me);
She was scared of approaching me again because she thought i was the only one who could her down

As said she was the most beautiful of our year...

[es20490446e]

Lucky guy ;)

[myTake Owner]

Yea but nothin happened 😂😂😂

[backonthelist]

good points. i found this pretty interesting

[myTake Owner]

well thanks
im not saying this is like an objective thing, but it really does seem to help intrigue a girl
But ofc everything is better "done" when its ur natural side