He BROKE UP with me yet he STILL FLIRTS with me?!!!

[Anonymous]

My ex boyfriend broke up with me about 2 days ago because he said he was losing feelings only because I wasn't improving myself to the point where it would make us both happy in the relationship. At first it was hard for me to accept it, I tried to get him back 2 times already only because I felt like there was still hope but his mind was set and refused to take me back. HOWEVER, on the 2nd day of us talking about our break up and after all the explanations- he started to FLIRT with me again? Like he would tease me, take my stuff and run away with it and when I would try to get it back he would either huge/hold me tightly from behind and put his chin on my shoulder or hold my hand for a while till he realized what he was doing. Later he took me home, I never asked him to call or anything and I didn't give him a hug when I left- just a casual bye and went in my house. LATER that night at around 7:30 he calls me sounding nervous/anxious and ask these questions: how are you, what are you doing, how do you feel, are you doing anything tomorrow after school, were you able to sleep last night (the day when he broke up w/me), did you talk to anyone on the phone and if you did WHO was it?. I DON'T GET IT! Why does he care?! He even stayed longer and told his mom to wait cause he was on the phone. WHY DID HE DO THAT? But I had to go so I left and just said we'll talk later. I didn't call but I missed his at 10:30 pm. I didn't call back that night or the next day but HE called me asking what I was doing after school- AGAIN. I told him that I didn't have a ride but I didn't need him to give me one. He kept offering and then he finally said "this would sound stupid but I need to talk to you in person, can I do it now? Can I come now please? ". I was curious so I said yeah. He came right away and after a couple minutes HE FLIRTS WITH ME AGAIN. Teases me and started to find excuses where he could hold me in his arms he would at times come real close to me like he was about to kiss me?! WHY?! He ended up dropping me off at my house 2 hours later. But when we were in front of my house, he didn't stop but kept going around the block like about 5 times for some reason. I told him that he was going to be late for his wrestling practice but he said it was fine. 15 more mins. Wouldn't hurt. But he FINALLY dropped me off & I did the same thing. Said bye and left without looking at him. And then he DRIVES BACK TO MY HOUSE and finally said that he needed to talk to me. He said that it was REALLY hard for him to deal w/the break up even if he thought it was gonna be easy. He felt like I needed to know so that's why he told. He even said that he doesn't want to flirt with other girls or wasn't even sure if he would go clubbing with his friends when they asked him because it felt "wrong". He says he WANTS TO GET OVER ME because he thinks I won't change but a part of him doesn't want to but he doesn't know why. He won't take me back though. He wants to be "good friends" still. I AM SO CONFUSE

[mytsoguy]

I'm going to respectfully disagree with some of the replies on this one. He has no interest in your changing. He is stringing you along on the off-chance that he doesn't find someone else to replace you. NEVER believe it when guys moan about how they don't want to flirt with anyone else. Either he is your boyfriend or not and this guy totally sounds like he wants to keep you on the hook but not have to deal with the responsibility (and probably monogamy) of the relationship.

I know it sucks to read that but it sounds as if this guy is completely shallow and has no consideration for your feelings. Men and women both do this. Control is much more important then his desire to shape you into something. He is playing a control game with you. I can appreciate your being confused by all of this but what you should do is step back and analyze the situation from your point-of-view and not his. You are the one who he told didn't meet up to his standards. You should not have to put up with that nonsense from anyone.

If I am wrong and he has legitimately addressed issues with you that you have no desire to change then you need to look at yourself. But, taking what you wrote at face value, he has no interest in a serious relationship with you and is stringing you along just in case he doesn't find someone else.

[Asker]

But if he doesn't have any consideration why does he still do all those things instead of just IGNORING me altogether which (he knows) would hurt me immensely? And why waste HIS time doing this when he can easily get anyone else? His friends are trying too.

[DizzyDesii]

Omg im just as crazy as this girl. Everyone keeps telling me the same and its def lookinng more true.

[languagetimothy]

It sounds like he really doesn't want to break up with you, but he is trying to shock you into making some change to yourself or your life. The most interesting thing in your question is the quote from him that you were not improving yourself enough to make you both happy.

You need to get to the bottom of this. What is it about you that he expects you to improve? Once you have figured that out you can make a decision whether this guy has an unreasonable expectation of you or not. He obviously has strong feelings for you yet he clearly feels embarrassed about dealing with the issue (whatever it is) direct.

If you think he's being unreasonable about what he wants you to change then you need to let him know that he needs to take you as you are, or break ties. If you think you can make the changes that he wants, and you think that he's justified in asking for those changes, AND you think he's worth it, then you have the right to be able to demand some changes/compromise yourself. However, be aware that it's very difficult for people to change and a relationship should not really be built on the understanding that one partner is going to change in the future.

[Asker]

YES, I am very aware of that but I'm following through even if he sees me or not- I'm still keeping my word. And YES, he is worth it. So do you think I should play along and see what happens? Or what?

[languagetimothy]

What is it that he wants you to change?

[Asker]

The way I dress, no myspace, no make up, and not to argue or fight with him but just be happy and fun to be with. I'm working on it though but he still doesn't see it -.

[DizzyDesii]

I know this question is old but holy smokes i relate to everything thatsbhappeninn

[mycrystalline]

How old is he. I would say just be friends, but start seeing other guys. He may just be a big turkey and need to see you with some other people before he realizes how much he cares for you.

[SeanE]

Wow!

What a story, obviously he wants you so much. It seems that he's doing this so you know that you can be his girlfriend again, ONLY if you change - that's likely what he's thinking.

Cheers :)

[Asker]

So you think I should play along with it? Just make him happy and actually make him realize that I CAN do that?

[SeanE]

If you think he's worth it, it's part of a lasting relationship that you gotta sacrifice something. If you don't want him bad enough that you want to change according to his wishes, or if those changes would make you a worse person, then.

[SeanE]

You could just go ahead and leave him.

[Asker]

I think I still like him enough to sacrifice somethings. But then again- do you think he's playing with my mind? Or he's just trying to see if I CAN really make him happy?

[SeanE]

Yea, I think he wants to have you back, and this is his way of trying to make you change. To answer your question, the latter. Cheers

[Asker]

Okay, thank you!

[kingbrother]

He's obviously a bit of a player, I think you're better off without, leave him to flirt with other ladies.