Do girls ever make the first move and ask guys out and initiate the date and relationship? How rare is it?

[moviedude714]

I know that an overwhelming majority of girls wait and expect guys to pursue them and chase them, make the first move and ask them out and initiate the relationship, but I know there are some exceptions in which the gender roles are reversed. Anyway, how rare is it for a girl to pursue a guy and ask him out, take the initiative? How often does it happen? For all the girls out there who have pursued and asked a guy out before and taken the initiative, and the relationship turned out to be great and good, lasted long, tell me about your experience.

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+1 y

I know the reason why it's almost all the time up to the guy to make the first move and ask the girl out, and initiate the date and relationship is because of Tradition, but are the gender-roles ever reversed?

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+1 y

For the girls who have pursued guys and taken the initiative, asked guys out before, tell me from your experience, did the relationship turn out to be good and last long?

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+1 y

Also, why do a lot of girls say that the guy will not take the girl seriously if the girl pursues the guy and makes the first move, asks him out, why do girls say the relationship will not last long or be as good if the girl asks the guy out first?

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+1 y

Also there is nothing wrong with going after what you want.

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+1 y

Seriously, why can't both us Humans pull each other? What's wrong with both Genders doing the chasing and pursuing, taking the initiative and asking someone they like out on a date? I wish it was more 50/50.

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+1 y

I hate it when people say all those sexist phrases "Man Up", "Be a Man", "Grow a Pair", etc. Not every guy is dominant, and plus asking girls out is not as easy as girls make it out to be.

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+1 y

It seems that girls reject guys for many reasons, but guys reject girls for one reason.

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+1 y

So why do an overwhelming majority of girls stil feel it is the guy's job to take the initiative and make the first move? is it just so girls can have it easier?

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+1 y

It's not really fair because when it comes to ending a relationship, breaking up, anyone can take on that role, the guy or the girl can initiative the break-up, the guy can dump the girl or the girl can dump the guy.

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+1 y

But how come starting the relationship, initiating it, is almost all the time up to the guy? why does the guy have to do the pursuing and make the first move, ask the girl out? why can't that part be both ways just like breaking-up?

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+1 y

Is it because Men, or Males are physically stronger, the more dominant Sex? is that why Women feel it is the Man's job?

[Tamikaze]

The reality is that women are programmed for relationships to the point that if we are the ones to pursue the guy we will overwhelm you with how quickly we move. When a woman meets a guy she likes and she sees he has an interest in her, I can tell you we quickly start imagining the future, how you will be as a boyfriend, what our first date and our first year anniversary will be like, etc. I am exaggerating a bit but not much. We are definitely programmed for thinking about relationships.

Guys are not and I know you need time to get to know a girl before you can slowly come to the conclusion that you would want to open up to her and connect emotionally. Most girls don't understand this difference between the sexes though. So, if girls did the pursuing, we would practically run you over in our rush to get to a relationship and in the process most men would feel completely emasculated. Further, and more critically, relationships don't last or work well if both people are not equally wowed and hot for each other. I have seen relationships where the woman's clock was ticking and she really pursued and made the relationship and marriage happen, and they have ended in divorce with the woman finally completely burnt out by continuing to have to put all the energy into keeping things going. Further the men in these situations often feel that it was not really their idea to get married, or have kids, and opt out of being a good partner, instead continuing to act like the single guy they were.

I would never be the one to pursue the guy and I would advise any younger girls I know to not do it either. When a guy is interested in you and makes it clear by pursuing you, that is when a relationship stands the best chance of working out from my experience.

[WeaponZero]

I don't know about that. I really hate it when a girl makes me initiate everything because it kinda makes me feel like she's just along for the ride and using me.

[That-Guy]

Wow, that was really insightful.

Lets hope you stick around.

[moviedude714]

So one reason why girls very rarely make the first move, ask the guy out and take the initiative, is because they feel they will be taking the initiative and making all the other moves for the rest of the course? like on the first date and through the rest of the relationship? It doesn't have to be that way, both the guy and the girl can take turns, but do most girls want the guy to take the initiative in everything?

[moviedude714]

I agree with WeaponZero, I don't like it when girls expect guys to initiate everything, it's like the girl is being lazy, she is just along for the ride, she is not making that much contribution to the dating and relationship.

[Tamikaze]

If it helps any for those guys that are super uncomfortable with asking a girl out, I can say this, that I think it is fine for a girl to show her interest in you with the attention she pays you and to even let you know that she likes you and to give her number to you. That is something I would do in the right situation but if the guy did not call or pursue a date with me after that, I would let it drop.

[socalgamehater2006]

I hate how girls say or think that the guy will not take the firl seriously, the relationship will not be as good if the girl was the one that initiated it

[Tamikaze]

You know what they call girls that ask guys out? Man-eaters. If you are a woman, they call you a cougar. It is seen as a masculine trait and most guys are completely turned off by it. This isn't about women feeling it is a man's job, it is about guys not liking it and letting you know that by coming up with all these uncomplimentary terms for strong women.

What a woman should do is show her interest. She does that by smiling, keeping her focus on you and otherwise showing that she is interested. It isn't a matter of girls being lazy. It is a matter of most guys thinking the girl is being pushy and knowing that when a girl asks you out, they are thinking about a long-term commitment. I can tell you I would have no problem asking a guy out if it was socially acceptable. But if I did, I wouldn't just be eye-balling you for sex, I would totally be considering you as a boyfriend. Most guys realize that and it is too much for them, so they would rather pass.

It sounds to me, though many have given you a lot of great feedback, that you are just frustrated about dating and that the only answer you want is for the world to change and girls to start asking you out.

[moviedude714]

Not only that, it's because girls never give me those signs that you mentioned.

[Tamikaze]

Well, then, you need to consider what you are doing that is not creating any sense of attraction with a girl. Mating and dating is about attraction. If girls are not doing any of that, in an equal world, they also would never ask you out because they are not feeling any attraction.

[moviedude714]

They do not even smile or look at me from a distance which gives me a hint in order to approach them, it's like I am invisible to them.

[Tamikaze]

Unfortunately, you may be to them. I can say that if I want to be approached as a woman, well I have to be putting off vibes and finding a way to talk to a guy and even at that he may have no interest in asking me out. So, even in an equal world where girls were asking you out, you wouldn't be getting asked out. It isn't easier as a woman to get asked out. We have all these things we have to learn to become approachable without looking, well, slutty. Just looking good is not enough.

[Tamikaze]

It sounds like you have the idea that girls just sit there and look pretty and wait for guys to make the move and we get all sorts of offers. It doesn't work that way. It is the rare guy who would approach a girl, no matter how cute she is, randomly, out of the blue. Both guys and girls have to find ways to not only be around the opposite sex but to also have relaxed conversations and time to get to know each other before you see the girl showing interest and before we have you ask us out.

[moviedude714]

Well I am always just being myself around women, when I try to start a conversation, I feel as if I am asking all the questions, sometimes the girl may even smile and give eye contact to me when I am talking to her, but she does not re-initiate conversation after I started it, like she does not engage in the conversation.

[Tamikaze]

All I can say is it isn't easy. I am an attractive woman so everyone assumes my dating life is a piece of cake. It isn't. Do I get approached, sure, but not without effort on my part and then, unfortunately, more times than not, I am being approached for all the wrong reasons. But, that is dating. It isn't easy for anyone. There are plenty of sites you can visit in the PUA community that give good tips on how to talk to women and develop rapport. You should look in to that.

[Tamikaze]

I realize it may sound funny for a woman to recommend PUA (pickup artist) sites but to me it is more about helping guys feel comfortable meeting girls than anything. Yes, can you supposedly use the techniques to also initiate a bunch of random hookups, possibly. But most guys don't have the energy or interest to spend the time doing that (it is like a part-time job) they just want to meet a girl that they can date, and these sites can help you with that.

[moviedude714]

If a woman is not engaging me in conversation, like she is not reciprocating, like asking me questions back in return, overall, the conversation is one-sided, most people say that she is not interested, but what if it was because I started the conversation the wrong way, asking the wrong questions, not talking right, etc.? People tell me that if a conversation is one-sided between a guy and a girl, it's because the guy let it happen.

[moviedude714]

So basically do guys have to do more than just approach a girl and start a conversation? do most girls expect guys to control the flow of conversation and pick the topics to talk about?

[Tamikaze]

If it is a one-sided conversation she probably isn't interested. You can e-mail me if you want any further ideas.

[cupcakk3]

lol. well I asked out my boyfriend of 8 months and he said yes. I was tired of waiting so I took control even though we are broken up now.. but the doesn't mean it can't work for other poeple. the break up was my fault.. I broke up with him because I fell for another guy. but I'd say 8 months is a pretty good relationship and honestly I think I like him again we talk a lot in school and me and my current boyfriend are having troubles and it just might work out again between me and my ex.. because me and him just click and I like that. if we date again that would be the thrid time. maybe we are meant to be.. but in my opinion girls only ask the guy out if they have been waiting for a little while for the realtionship to happen and it can be rare or common depends on the place..i don't think there is anything wrong with going after what you want.. what's to lose? well that's my experience I hope I helpd you understand a little..

[moviedude714]

Well I think if girls make the first move and ask the guy out, girls will not get rejected as much as guys do when they make the first move and ask girls out.

[Tamikaze]

Not true, they totally would and do. A lot of guys are turned off by it. And I bet you can look around and see so many girls that could approach you that you would say no to. We all can get turned down. Even when you don't ask a guy out, he can "turn you down" but not showing any interest in you or the attention you are paying to him. Happens to girls all the time.

[moviedude714]

So girls would get rejected just as much as guys would? wow, well I would only reject the girl if she was not my type, if she was my type, I would like her even more, but why do you think most guys love to do the chasing?

[stfuplease]

You broke up because you fell for another guy? Are you stupid? Seriously are you? And you wonder why guys give up on you girls. Asshole.

[armyant]

It seems guys in North America are frustrated that gender bias issues are only tackled when it's a matter of society expecting something from women, but men's responsibilities remain the same.

It sounds very rare for a girl to make the first move there, but I'd argue that it's even more rare in Europe, although here (based on what my friends and I think) guys think chasing women is fun, not a burden.

[moviedude714]

Why do you think chasing Women is fun? It can be fun, but it is not fun when you get rejected or the girl you are interested in, tells you she has a boyfriend already. If the girl made the first move on you and asked you out, you get to easily avoid rejection.

[armyant]

It's not that simple. If a girl asks you out but you aren't interested, you'd have to reject her, and girls take rejection way harder than we do. I know it's sexist to even dream of suggesting that men and women are different but we are.

[WeaponZero]

Chasing women to me is a headache. Nothing more. Nothing fun about it.

[moviedude714]

Exactly, I agree that chasing women is a headache, seriously, I'm tired of it always being up to the guy, guys hate being rejected too, and plus it's a lot harder for a guy to start a conversation with a girl than it is for a girl to start a conversation with a guy, its easier for a girl, all a girl has to do is say "Hi", us guys have to come up with something more creative to say, we need a more powerful drill to break the ice.

[armyant]

For most girls, if they have a crush on someone, trying to randomly strike up a conversation with that guy is an insurmountable obstacle. They blush and stutter and get embarrassed and then I get embarrassed for them and the whole thing just starts off on the wrong foot altogether.

[moviedude714]

I hate how us guys are expected to initiate everything, it just makes it look like women are not willing to do any work in the relationship, like they are just along for the ride.

[Tamikaze]

A girl you ask out, that is attracted to you, trust me, she is not just along for the ride. She will rock your world. We love doing nice things for our guys. So, drop the ones that don't give that to you. And I agree that girls take rejection much harder. They internalize the rejection and think that if they only looked prettier, acted a different way, etc., you wouldn't have turned them down.

[socalgamehater2006]

One guy told me the reason why most girls do not ask guys out is because, he said "why should they when they can easily avoid rejection? our culture and society made it the status quo for the guy to be the pursuer, and that means girls can just let all the guys come to them and avoid rejection, girls can get away doing nothing, so of course they are going to want to get away with it"

[scnbabe89]

I don't just because I'm always afraid that the guy would reject me and because in the past guys who I like don't like me back so if they want to be with me I figure they will make the first move. I'm very shy around guys I like. Plus I also don't want guys to think I'm desperate for a boyfriend at all!

[moviedude714]

I would not think a girl is desperate at all if she makes the first move and asks me out on a date, seriously, I wonder why it makes girls look desperate and not guys? I hate double-standards, because girls accuse guys of being clingy and desperate.

[eveline]

I ask out guys are too insecure and scare in general

[moviedude714]

Lol surprised you are answering an old question

[eveline]

Surprise you are surprised

[moviedude714]

yes normally people don't answer questions this old

[eveline]

Well I do I love old forgotten questions