This is an easy one:
The first thing you need to do is listen. Say nothing unless she asks or make an acknowledgement of some kind but those should be very brief and not at all a comment / opinion. She does not want your opinion and even if she says that she does, it's like her asking if her butt is big; a TRAP, so don't believe her.
As she is talking make mental notes and get clues based on what she says to tell you how she wants you to respond. She wants a validation of her feelings or her opinion, or she wants you to take her side.
The second thing, and a big trap for the guys, is DO NOT try to solve her problem. She does not want you to do that, she wants to vent and / or receive validation. Even if you see the obvious answer and really can fix the problem DO NOT. This is very dangerous and leads to more argument.
You will have to remember all the stuff she says because at any moment there may be a pop quiz. Do all that and she'll be happier, and you won't have any argument so you'll be happier.
Most likely she just wants someone to vent to, and you are nearby and forced to listen since you are working together all the time. She probably wouldn't want you to make any moves, and thinks you are 'safe' to open up to, since you don't know her, nor her friends that she is talking about.
She'd be shocked if you suddenly asked her out. Most likely she'd get angry as well, and since you are forced to work with her, you shouldn't risk that!
alot of times girls just need to talk it out and already know how they plan to handle it...just mirror back what she says and support her. Some women don't want you to try and fix their problems and that's hard for men to understand because they are fixers. They don't talk unless they are trying to find some sort of resolution. Women aren't trying to fix it they just want to get it out so they can stop thinking about it.
For instance: "Sally at work is such a bitch! do you want to know what she did? she saw me go outside to my car and you know we aren't suppose to go outside unless we're on a break right? well she saw me and told our supervisor! I was called in to discuss it what a bitch!" here's what you say to that "man she really is" you don't say "well did you tell them xyz? or did you tell her you didn't appreciate that?" ect and so on don't try to fix it UNLESS SHE ASKS YOU and even then suggest it and if she seems resistant STOP suggesting lol.
Maybe she just needs someone to talk to. Sometimes girls need to "release" their emotions. She might be going through something that is affecting her really hard, and she just need someone to hear her out. When you mentioned about her and a "friend"having problems, could it be that her "friend" is actually her boyfriend? If her relationship was long and now is falling apart, then you might want to keep your distance. You don't want to be the second option, or the guy that she uses to forget her boyfriend is they happen to brake up. You also don't want to be the guy that she's only looking for pleasure. Be careful with your moves, and don't give her signs or hopes of something that you don't want to happen.
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When in doubt just listen with compassion. If you have helpful advice, ask her for permission to share advice first. A lot of times people feel they have great advice that they are sure can help, but the problem unsolicited advice is that the person receiving advice may not feel like they are really being heard. They may just be looking for comfort and once the year feel ready then they will listen to a solution.
Also please be clear but gentle with what your boundaries are when it comes to supporting. In the past, I’ve grown codependent on people who will listen without realizing that overtime I’m draining that person. Eventually the listener will get distant and stop supporting altogether. This is very counterproductive and the person who needs support may feel abandoned. There’s also a difference between people who like and want to help versus people who are naturally skilled with helping. Just because they are good at it doesn’t mean they want to help. I learned that the hard way.
mostly girls just like that you listen, even if you start spacing out just the fact you're there makes her happy. it doesn't necessarily mean she likes you as more than a friend. she also could just be wanting to confide in someone and you were the only person around so she chose you. and sometimes girls want advice. but it really depends on the girl. I have a best guy friend who I talk to all the time about my relationship issues and he helps me and gives me advice on what I should do but he's just my friend.
for the most part, a lot of times it just feels good to vent to someone. So, yeah most of the time when I was telling my ex about my problems I'd just want him to LISTEN, be SYMPATHETIC, and most important of all AGREE with me lol. my ex was a (self-proclaimed) problem solver, so he'd always try and analyze and tell me what I can do to "fix" the problem. but it always ended up making me feel worse and making me feel like I did something wrong since he was trying to find ways for ME to fix a problem.
just be sympathetic and agree with something if she has an opinion (ex: "that was f**ked up of her to do that") lol
A moment of silence for our fallen comrade.
Nah, I'm just kidding. But you are in the friend zone. Don't you just hate it when girls use you as a bucket to puke out their problems loaded with ***.
It would be best if you made it clear you wouldn't listen to her problems and that you're not someone who gets friend zone. If she doesn't want to go out with you, let her go back to the cycle of (assuming so) Dbags and that she missed her only chance. You're not someone who gets played. Don't fall in love with her!
Guy player = we already know this meaning
Girl player = chases bad guys
I tell my crush, who is also my best friend, everything. I talk to him about everything and he gives it to me straight. The reason I go to him and not my girlfriends is because girls analyze and talk too much about it. My crush just kid of tells me that I'm stupid, here's a solution, and problem fixed for now. Don't get me wrong he does this after I vent my frstrations first.
It depends on re girl though, sometimes a girl just needed a place to complain to.
I tell my male co-worker about my issues with my friends, but never my issues with my relationship. In my eyes, my relationship is great and drama free. If you've seen my last question you would know that my friend group is falling apart and I've made friends with bad people. I want him to be sympathetic to me (usually is), but I also want him to be to the point. He told me that he had friends who kinda disappeared or stopped caring before too. Advice would be telling me to be friends with them or to distance myself from them. He's said both. Unfortunately, he doesn't know how crazy these friends are. I honestly didn't even know either. Turns out these two friends of mine are either lying to protect themselves OR are insane.
Judge it by whether or not the problem seems to have a practical issue tied to it. Almost always if something tangible didn't actually happen, then it's purely an emotional issue and she wants to vent. If something tangible where she's trying to decide on what she should do about it, then she oftentimes wants help or someone to bounce her ideas off.
If she says something like, "so and so said X" then nothing reeeally happened. She's just upset. So it's a venting topic she just wants someone to listen. It's all emotion.
If she says something about an actual issue that she is trying to make a decision on, then she'll likely follow up with "I'm not sure what I should do."/"what should I do?" something tangible for you to work with.
It depends on the types of questions she's asking. Sometimes a person just has to vent. Also, remember that girls WANT to make emotional connections with the guys they like. You don't spill your heart out to a guy who means nothing to you -- unless he's your doctor/shrink. From a young age, girls run to their Daddy to cry about the bad boy in the school yard or the heart-breaking homework assignment, the bad day at work, etc. We have minor substitutes for those in our guy friends and ultimately our boyfriends/husbands. Girls don't usually go for "just sex" relationships and THEN think about an emotional connection. The emotional thing is THERE from the start -- there's a reason why, "Just shut up...You had me at 'hello'" is such a popular buzzline since *Jerry McGuire* came out. She's emotionally connected to the guy (regardless of what he's done to her) from second 1, day 1, when she follows him out of the office and into the unknown.
Dude... just listen.
When I was younger me ex had a coworker that was passive aggressively undermining her for a week. I told her what she needed to do and she got really upset.
At the end of the week her superior suggested the same thing and the problem was solved.
She would rather suffer for a week than take some annoying advice that would have fixed the problem in one day.
Read Men Are From Mars and you will get some real insights.
Generally I prefer when a guy just listens. I'm smart enough to figure my own shit out, and if I want advice i'm sure to ask for it. If I don't ask though then I just want to vent and be heard. It's like they say in Parks & Rec, when a girl is telling you her problems she doesn't want you to fix them. She wants you to be there, listen, and say those two magic words: "That sucks." Lol
Usually they just want someone to vent to... so pull a Diesel... pretend to listen... and hum in agreement whenever you hear a pause lol. Ok... fine.. i listen, but sometimes it goes on forever. and my mind starts playing this loop of "get to the fucking point".
It might mean that in one form or another - she feels you are superior to her boyfriend but there might be something holding her back from dating you such as she is not happy with your appearance, thinks you lack humour, not happy with your cultural background or not happy with your income etc... i used to know a guy who would talk to me about his girlfriend problems all the time because he knew I only liked religious guys and that the two of us were only friends.
I say you don't deal with that until she breaks up with her bf you don't want to be someone's second choice ever. If she like you then she shouldn't not be with her bf. All I know is that no one should be a second choice.
when a girl tels you her problems, she expects you to listen and give her advice as well if you can. It makes her comfortable with you that way (:
Actively listen. Whether or not you believe she is right or wrong, give validity to her feelings. Separate the feelings from her actions. The feelings can certainly be valid but her actions (or reactions) might not be (if they are illegal, immoral, etc.)
In truth, the listening part is what helps people the most, regardless of their gender. But if you can provide some advice it's always better. When we are talking about something depressing that happened, people require different things, some want advice, others want just to talk, others like someone to try them feel good, you'll never know in advance
I can tell you what NOT to do...
Take advantage of her trust in you to share this with you.
Take credit for her problems getting solved.
Feel entitled to ANYTHING in return for this.
Insert yourself into the situation when it is not needed.
Give any advice you don't believe in.
Be insincere about your motives in helping her.
Take everything on board and act like a grown up as the girl is putting all her trust in you maybe you are the first guy that she has opened up to and dont talk to any one else regards what the girl was telling you as its a very private thing just never break that trust
Just sit there and listen. Don't tell them what to do or how to solve it.
There will be times where I listen to a girl and then she stops and kind of looks at me expecting me to answer. Everything inside me screams to tell her something but I just don't say anything. They then after 40 of the longest seconds of my life of being quiet they start going off again and continue on.
It really does work. They've told me they like opening up to me because I don't try to micromanage them.
In most cases the one with the troubles just want to relieve herself from the stress and just air it out to someone she trusts
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